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Poetry / Even Evil Needs Saving (Analysis)
Traipsing down the hall and mumbling to himself,
His demons getting the best of him, again,
A man of many fears and a vicious vice.
When seen in light he is a landscaper,
Plagued with hardship, looking for an easy fix,
But when night ensues, he finds what he has so sought.
He becomes
An all too familiar stranger
Looking for others to join him in his
Jubilant misery.
At twelve years old I know his games well
But tonight he shows me he enjoys his malice,
Enjoys enveloping my world with his fears,
Loves bearing a grin at the sight of
My quivering cowardice,
He also shows me it is only a façade.
He has just caused my mother to flee,
My hero forced to abandon me.
I cannot blame her,
His evil has grown,
With his alcohol he cannot be tame.
He hissed like a basilisk in the deep,
The noise comes from everywhere,
You know not the point of origin.
She leaves only to have him shortly follow,
Sure to lock her out indefinitely,
Or so he thought.
I could not let the conqueror of my fears
Be denied reentry into headquarters.
I race to the door and the deadbolt slides unlocked,
She will have no need for forced entry.
She returns, eyes swollen with aggravation
But her head held high,
She has gotten the better of him,
She did not allow herself to submit to
His oratory Holocaust,
Remains outside the warden’s prison walls.
Soon after he too returns,
Tears streaming his flush face,
But neither of them speaks nor looks at one another,
He instead turns towards me.
He creeps upon me as I lay shrouded in part by blanket and shadow.
Turned away from him, his breath lands upon my neck,
Acrid, foul-smelling heathen,
The Hydra’s words penetrate my soul,
“I know it was you, don’t think I’ll forget,”
He hisses with malicious intent.
However this time his threats fall on deaf ears,
Though I lay there scared and alone,
I know now, like my mother, his truth he hides.
No longer do I see him as the Apocalypse incarnate,
More rather a slave of addiction,
A vessel for the demons he seemed to emulate.
Hatred no longer seething,
All that’s left is apathetic pity.
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nubadunk reviewed Version 1 -
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Lot of emotions in this poem. Got the feeling of abuse not only to one self but in harm of others. It’s really deep and weel written. didn’t see any grammatical errors at all. Keep it up good work!
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Rhonda9080 reviewed Version 1 -
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This is amazingly well done! Wow! This is very personal for me because I also grew up with abusive, alcoholic parents.
This has depth, and captures the horror of it as only who has lived through it can.
I’m not a poet, so sometimes I can’t explain what I “technically” like about the piece, but I know how it makes me feel.
I also have a pretty good ear for the rhythm. This does have good rhythm that never deviates.
The only line I didn’t like as well:
But when night ensues, he finds what he has so sought.
I’m not sure I like the “so sought” but I do understand what you’re saying. Please take with a grain of salt. It could just be my ears.
I find the pulling in of imagery/analogies like Holocaust, Hydra, Apocalypse, etc. give this piece its depth and power.
In the life of an abused child, this is exactly the weight of it on their little universe.
Good job! Amazing piece. Thank you!
Alex_Bruinekool reviewed Version 1 -
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I can’t find anything to critique about this. Congradulations on not only writing a very good poem, but having the courage to do so.
lovelee1313 reviewed Version 1 -
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Very powerful, strong wording, Well put clear. Complex yet understandable.
I think ” With his alcohol he cannot be tame.” was ment to be tamed? You really get the reader involed. It feels a litle more like a story than poetry to, at least toward the end.
Like how you set us up for the ending in the third stanza. I think it could be better. But I do love it as it is.
Jeff0307 reviewed Version 1 -
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This reads more like a novel than poetry, I like that. It’s creative and original. Thanks for the read.
ToronAlexis reviewed Version 1 -
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This touches home with me as my father was an alcoholic; and not a very nice one. I understand completely the pity, but I was also angry. Times were rough when I was little but we always seemed to pull through. I like the style, story-like a descriptive, and I like how you describe every feeling; like I was there.
eyeronik reviewed Version 1 -
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I think you have real potential as a writer. I’m impressed by your awareness and your strength. Please keep writing.
Zenicia reviewed Version 1 -
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this is a great piece and you really capture the evolution of this fear. the only part that didnt flow to me was, The noise comes from everywhere,
You know not the point of origin, i feel as though you only need the first line. other then that it was all well done.
music1358 reviewed Version 1 -
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Ok. I thought it a little verbose, needs to be shorter and sharper. But then again “when seen in light he is a landscaper” is fantastic. That one line saves the poem. But it needs more lines like that.
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