A man in tattered clothing approached me as I waited for the D train yesterday.
He wore a black knit hat that was unraveled around the edges and his plaid shirt was missing a button or two.
The pants that swallowed his scrappy legs were torn. He wore no shoes.
Extending his calloused hand, he quietly asked, “Do you have any spare change?”
“No, I’m sorry I don’t,” I just as quietly replied.
A few moments later, I walked to the candy stand and bought:
A bag of Doritos.
A bottle of Sprite.
Some Entenmann’s doughnuts.
And a bag of Gummy bears.
“That’ll be $9.42,” said the man behind the counter.
I handed him a ten and replied, “Keep the change.”
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I liked this. It shows the heartless acts that we sometimes preform without even thinking. Yet it opens the eyes so that we can become more aware of that and improve it. Now what I am wondering is if it was intintionally done to let the cashier keep the change in disgust with the homeless man, or was it really just an act of forgetfulness. Either way, it was good.
It’s going to take me awhile to digest the moral of this story, so I’ll save that for later. I know that I’m going o be touched by it already, though.
Your story telling is good. I like the description of the needy man, I got a good, clear picture of him in my head.
If I was grading this paper (which I know I’m not) I’d probably just say lose the colon and bullet-point style list in the mentioning of the products purchased and write it in a paragraph style. I also have the habit of writing a story as though I was merely telling a story with my words, but on paper we have to be more formal.
Good short work of fiction.
This is great story. I loved the simplicity of your descriptions. The description of the man was sparse, but effective. Very Richad Braughtigan-esc.
I loved the irony and honesty!
It’s a very short, but very interesting, take on what seems to be an example of the caste system of this country in action. Painted a very simple picture, and it was even kind of heart breaking.
Good good.
This made me think. A lot actually. It made me thing about how most people don’t help those who need it, but are willing to give up spare change to someone working at a concession stand, and doesn’t really need it.
Very good writing, you have great phrases and descriptions.
I liked all the description you put into the old man’s character. it made me see how much he terribly needed the spare change he was asking for, instead of just saying it was some old man who looked homeless.
beautiful job. reminds me of my trip to NY and how many times I saw this happen. It’s very sad.
much love
” just as quietly replied” is worded a little akwardly.. unless akwardness is the idea you’re trying to get across.
short, sweet, and to the point. provides stark contrast in what we say and what we do. veritable demonstration of today’s standards and behaviors. fascinating that you could capture it in so short a piece. congrats
This flash story hits home. I find myself dealing with conflict when it comes to some homeless people in our city. We have a law that instructs us not to give to them directly, but give it to a designated drop point that will donate the money to a shelter.
However, when I’m asked for change from a homeless person, I wonder is there a point where you say no. But then I go buy a number of comic books for over $10 and I tell myself that I could have given the homeless person at least a buck.
As a man who is out working 3 jobs, it makes it difficult, at times, to give to homeless men because if I can go out and work, can’t they also? Barring some kind of mental illness.
This was a flash story that makes one think about the priority of giving.
Wow. I live in a rather large city, so this is something I see a lot, sadly, especially among my fellow college students. They’ll walk by a homeless man on the corner beneath the overpass, ignore him, then spend $12 at Carl’s Jr. not a stone’s throw away. It’s amazing how people are, isn’t it?
I liked this, it was poignant, even though I don’t know exactly what flash fiction is.
I’m not really sure what the point of this story is. Your dislike for the homeless? Your annoyance at being bugged for money? Either way, it sounds like you should be improving your diet – way too much sugar.
I really like how this is both realistic and visual. I can see it playing in my eyes. What makes me curious is if you’re trying to channel a message of any form when your main character tells the cashier to keep the change, after being asked for change by a homeless man shortly beforehand.
Overall, well done. Flash fiction done justice for once
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