Flash Fiction / Eyepatch

A whispering breeze hits my eyes with delicacy and flowering temptation. Only my left eye blinks, for it wants to see only the past, and I scold it for such desires.

Like a stream trickling through cascades of moistly shined rocks, I feel split in more ways than many. Are my observations genuine, or are they split, alike my feelings?

My reflection the mirror provides seems too accurate. It feels as though by looking at myself through it, I'm limiting my possibilities. And then again, when I give a peak with just my right eye, something strikes home.

I wonder how I would fare with an eyepatch . . . .

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Reviews

October 01, 2009

burnvictim

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
108	83.8% (117 votes)	27.6%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
32	M	Westminster, MD	November 20

burnvictim reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

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September 13, 2009

chasscot

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
61	82.4% (17 votes)	30.5%

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40	M	Pocatello, ID	October 02

chasscot reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

A little choppy.

What does moistly shined mean? At least put a hyphen here – moistly-shined rocks. I think you mean “shiny moist rocks” though.

“more ways than many” is a little confusing. Makes me stutter on that line trying to interpret it. ”like my feelings” not “alike”.

My reflection in the mirror seems too accurate. Avoid the passive voice.

“when I peak” might be better than “when I give a peak”

This is interesting, but I would like to see more commitment in the story. Lose the “seems” “feels likes” etc…

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August 10, 2009

snarfus

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
366	79.2% (288 votes)	16.9%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
31	M	Drexel Hill, PA	November 21

snarfus reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Odd, but interesting.

“I feel split in more ways than many.” An weird turn of phrase. Perhaps you meant “more ways than one”?

“or are they split”- Considering you just used the word split in the previous sentence, maybe a synonym would be better suited here, such as bisected or divided.

“It feels as though by looking at myself through it, I’m limiting my possibilities”- I feel you can expand on this idea a bit. Mention how the mirror only shows what is (and backwards at that); it doesn’t show what was or what can be.

Overall, a very engaging piece.