Thank you for reading and that is certainly a change I am going to make. (universal relation)
Poetry / The Orient
Abandoned, confused I float through foggy
Memories and hidden mysteries
Within me
Inherited difficulties persuade no longer
My thought and person have grown stronger
Different is something to me natural
I’m not so flashy or clashy but casual
Mature, precise, I pass continuously
increasing and maximizing
Completely
Childhood questions answered about the why’s and how’s.
Who are we, where do we come from, is there magic in the sky?
Most of which I have answered
By myself, without help
Just like those before me
Precursors to my destiny
I can use my hands like them
And I choose not to
I can work hard just like them
But I choose NOT.
I could be everything they could be proud of
Only I’m everything I’d rather be
Which doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes,
Occasionally work harder than them for a
Better life, but by Better do I imply
a hardened existence?
No, another answer to a question
Curious, Ambitious I freshly introduce
All things human and animal,
Plant eater and cannibal
Dandelion or daffodil
To read something practical
That reminds us of some magical
Time before
But what of this (the present)
Why write in solitude (it is the only way)
With such a morbid attitude
Towards the ones who raised
Me. That’s right, never mind
I almost forgot I grew up regardless of those
absent guardians.
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Tattered_and_Torn reviewed Version 1 -
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I could see this being a song, like an actual hit song. It relates a lot to my life. Especially this line. “To read something practical That reminds us of some magical…” I always take the ordinary, a kid eating a popsicle, a dog panting below a tree and I always turn it around to something else in my mind; the popsicle is controlling the kid’s mind, the dog is a Wynven in disguise. I think we all do this as writers, poets or prose and it is an immense talent that some of us take all too lightly and I think you are using that talent and you are a great poet. Good Job! <3 Karissa
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Michael_Javert_13 reviewed Version 1 -
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For a poem, this is good. There are a few things that can be improved on in clarity of your lines. I feel that you do have a talent for telling a story in a unique and clever way, I admire people that have a way with words. I didn’t like that it was a little difficult to understand though.
RavenJake reviewed Version 1 -
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I like this. Not sure why the title is “the orient?” The term absent guardians is probably the most effective as it ends well. It seems like some of the body could be more vague so that anyone reading it could relate to the same circumstance regardless of specifics, thereby giving greater impact.
jokaking reviewed Version 1 -
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Liked this one a lot, a very nice read… it feels to me like you’re remembering your child and at the same time giving the reader an idea of your independence you currently have in your life… a line or stanza I enjoyed a lot was the second one because it reminds me of someone discovering their independence and deciding to believe in what they want and not what they were raised on…as stated before nice read and don’t see anything. That should be changed except puttiing certain words on the same line instead of separating them… peace 2 you
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