Poetry / Poem for last line/first line poetry challenge on Legendfire forum (Analysis)

I very much like the images you create here and the word combinations are very nice in terms of sound as well.  You have a feel for language I think.  That said, I wonder about the inclusion of probably unnecessary words such as your use of “and”.  It slows the pace in places and the frequent use detracts from the power if your intent is to offset and draw attention to a particular passage.  Your call of course.  I also am of two minds about certain descriptives such as “auburn fields”, “Day’s curtains drawn”, “Night spread…wings” and “jagged hills”.  There are many cliche moments in the poem but overall it’s still a pleasant evocative read.  

I would be mindful of meter.  You can lose some words such as the conjunctions or some articles and lose nothing in the way of the effectiveness of the poem.  I also wonder about the personification of Night and Day.  Wouldn’t the poem work as well without that element?  

It’s a good poem.  I don’t know anything about your contest but good luck with it.

Excellent – esp stand with me as day’s curtains drawn, etc.
One thing that bother me, the molten gold, and all I keep seeing is red wine. Can you change the drink perhaps to closely align with gold and second, can you compare or intertwine it with the golden fields, and coppery current of the stream as it winds through the marsh…
Very beautiful.

I like this very much…written with passionate feeling!

There’s no problems with grammar or punctuation, which is always a plus.  I think you accomplished a lot here.  I like your imagery, especially in the second half; I can picture the field and the river very clearly.  It flows well, the only thing I’m not sure I like about this is the length.  The words are straightforward, I don’t think they hold any hidden meaning to them, but your descriptions are eloquent and solid.

It was pretty good,a little choppy,but good.

Sweet visuals in this, nicely done!

I don’t have much to say that would improve it, except that
there should maybe be some punctuation between “The darkness” and “rills.” and I might capitalize Darkness throughout, but I just like to personify some non person subject in a lot of my poetry. It seems more poetic, or something, like you did with Day and Night.