Flash Fiction / To be in love.
I fell in love with her the moment I saw her.
Her white smooth skin made me vibrate.
I looked at her and felt the enormous desire to touch her.
And when the contact came, it was all I could dream about.
They told me I am not the sharpest fellow in the neighborhood, but she liked me as I am.
As the matter of fact, she preferred me to all others.
With them, she would get excited very quickly and then get ruined in nick of time.
But with me…
Each time she permitted me to touch her, I did it slowly, as if gliding above her.
Yet, I could be much more physical too.
I really liked to tear to threads everything that covers her.
But she would just giggle. As if I was tickling her.
The most, I like to swim together with her.
Cold water streams cooling me down and taking the last of her cover down revealing the white skin of her majestic body.
I would tenderly touch her and smile.
Then we'd go to dry ourselves.
I hoped our love would be eternal, but fate thought differently - one day she disappeared.
Somebody else came instead of her.
She, too, had a tender skin yet she looked as carved from wood.
And she had a big dent down there that pulled me to it.
I resisted for as long as I could because I knew it's forbidden.
But one day, I didn't pay attention and got too close to it.
It was slippery there and I slid in.
Suddenly I felt something give and heard the sound of something breaking.
I looked around and saw what it was - part of my body.
It was my edge.
The part that I used to cut.
Without it I was useless and thus was thrown away.
Sitting in the trash can in the kitchen, I saw my lovely wood cutting board socializing with the new knife that replaced me.
Then I understood that the life isn't fair - you can do all your best all the time but with the first slip they will throw you away.
On the other hand, I met other girls here - the quarter of stale bread and some shreds of paper. For them I was the sharpest guy in the neighborhood.
So, now that I learned there is life after death, I began to cut the wrinkled newspaper which made tearing noises of enjoyment to be with me. I hope to meet my first love - that beautiful white Teflon cutting board. But until it happens, I will do what every male in my place would do - enjoy the moment.
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Good imagery! I like this work very much. It has some suttleties and such that aren’t apparent at the onset, but when you realize it, you think, Wow…
Keep up the good writing!
Jason
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Cute, I like how we think you’re talking about one thing and then you switch it up on us- the perspective of a knife. Can’t say I saw that one coming.
“And she had a big dent down there that pulled me to it.” Your words for the most part are eloquent, but “dent” in this sentence just sounds a little amateurish and took me out of the story for a moment. Perhaps you could find a replacement?
Comments: Your ending, priceless! I love it, a perfect ten! I loved the whole description of tearing things on her!!! Went back and reread it, perfect. I also loved how the slip up occurred and then the knife became the sharpest tool.
Suggestions: I was left wondering what happened to the teflon cutting board? Did she too get thrown away? Might mention that. I understand she was replaced, but didn’t get what happened. Also your line, “Then we’d go to dry ourselves,” I can’t get a picture of it. Expand on it, even when I thought it wasn’t kitchen utensils it sounded a bit odd.
Oh my gosh that was so funny.
For a minute you got me.
This was a decent piece, but it could use some work on the technical aspects. The goal of this kind of writing is to give multiple interpretations until the last possible moment (or even end it that way). Instead of feeling the universality of relationships, men to women like knives to cutting boards, I was just confused. I re-read several of the sections before finishing this and seeing what it was actually about, and quite frankly I was still confused even after knowing the answer.
You should try to make things more vague, more about feelings and less physical actions and reactions. Also be sure to stick with a tense, it goes from past to present tense several times in the fifth line alone. Hope this helps, I did enjoy the effort.
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