Thank you so much..!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are very right… I have had people tell me that the things that i throw away are some of my best works.I other person told me, when writing always let what you are feeling flow through your pen,if you have to sit and think about it,forcing it,than it becomes fake.Thank you for your review.
Query Letter / "Forever and Always" (Analysis)
I love to watch your smiling face as you scramble to
show me all you've learned new.
I wish you knew how much I truely love you..!
And I wish you could understand.
This isn't how it was supposed to be.
This isn't the way we had it planned.
Your smile is so bright.
Your happiness so true.
I wonder how I got to be so lucky, to have such a
wonderful warmhearted baby as perfect and
beautiful as you.
I need you to know that... every minute, every hour of
every day that we're apart...
I feel so lost and alone.
So if you feel that i'm sad or grumpy.
Know that it's not because of you,it's because I am not
feeling well,for i have a broken heart.
But... You somehow fix it almost each and every time.
As you cast your long stares ,openeing the windows
to my soul.
I feel your silent "I love yous".!
That wonderful sensation that makes my heart shine
Theres one thing you can always count on.. "no matter
what anyone ever says"...
Savannah Baby... Till the day i die,I will
"FOREVER AND ALWAYS" truley "LOVE YOU "!
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Russell_Parkway reviewed Version 1 -
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JHarvey reviewed Version 1 -
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Allen_Grier reviewed Version 1 -
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medicman65 reviewed Version 1 -
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CatieRussatano reviewed Version 1 -
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Just one spelling note, Truely should be truly. But otherwise, a very good poem!
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Trina reviewed Version 1 -
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I do feel your emotion for your baby in this writing. I see how there were times when you were making the words rhyme…
“show me all you’ve learned new.
I wish you knew how much I truely love you..!”
Sometimes, especially when writing your feelings like this, it would be okay not to rhyme. Just because the forced rhyme made you say an unnatural sentence ”all you’ve learned new”.
The absolute beauty lies in your wonderful feelings toward this person shown here….
“As you cast your long stares ,openeing the windows
to my soul.”
And you never even tried to rhyme and it is the most beautiful line I have read all week! I would keep writing and changing this one around until you have more of your heart and less of what you think a poem should sound like. Your gift lies in that type of expression.
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Version 1
Latest Activity: 7 months ago
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