Sci Fi & Fantasy / Into The Master's Lair - Chapter Twenty-Seven and Recaps (Analysis)
Chapter One – The villain and protagonist are introduced. The villain is mysterious wizard bent on revenge. Twenty five year old Lauriana and her two brothers and two cousins find a secret room. Smoke fills the room and they lose consciousness.
Chapter Two – The five wake up in a parallel world where they find themselves physically altered. Lauriana is taller and stronger, her brothers a dwarf and combatant, her cousins an elf and magic tyro. A wizard (Zeke) offers to help them figure out why they were brought to his realm and a place to stay. We meet Ash, a sorceress and expert on prophecy.
Chapter Three – The five learn they can’t leave the realm until they complete a quest. We meet Dagreth, a dragon.
Chapter Four – Trainers arrive to train the five companions. Lauriana meets her trainer, Mikell and is disturbed because he acts like he already knows her. Marcus her older brother is suspicious.
Chapter Five –Lauriana grows finds out that Mikell has dreamed about her for the last twenty five years and was in love with her before they met. They almost become intimate, but Lauriana does not want to be unfaithful to Ari, her serious boyfriend at home.
Chapter Six – After reliving the execution of his parents for unlawful use of magic in a nightmare, The Master goes to a small room in his lair and stares at a portrait of a strange woman. Lauriana decides to move forward with her relationship with Mikell since she realizes she may never get to go back to her world again.
Chapter Seven –Ash discovers a prophecy saying that the future of world will depend on the union of Zotara’s worthy heir (Lauriana) and the king who refused his crown (Mikell). Lauriana is nearly killed by a cross-bow arrow.
Chapter Eight –The Master insists Martika work for him. Knowing she has no choice and greedy to get rewards she agrees. It’s decided that the trainers will accompany Lauriana, her brothers, and cousins on the quest. Lauriana admits to Zeke that she would consider staying in his world with Mikell if they complete the quest.
Chapter Nine – Lauriana takes a fall in training and keeps the injury to herself. Winnie, Jenessa, Marcus, and Sheridan all have mysterious training accidents.
Chapter Ten –Marcus and Mikell come to an understanding. The Master visits Lauriana in her sleep, but she unaware of his presence. She later collapses. She is healed by the wizard, but needs rest for a few days.
Chapter Eleven – Martika, arrives at the Keep claiming to be betrothed to Mikell. Mikell tells Lauriana some secrets of his past. He was betrothed to Martika and was set to rule his kingdom. He broke the betrothal with her and turned the throne over to his younger brother.
Chapter Twelve – Lauriana punches Martika before the woman leaves. Mikell and Zeke share suspicions about Martika and decide to keep the threat from Lauriana. Lauriana meets The Master.
Chapter Thirteen – Lauriana awakens from a nightmare about The Master. He leaves the imprint of his hand burned into her arm. Mikell also had a dream involving The Master. The Master is shaken by the encounter with Lauriana. The party leaves for the quest.
Chapter Fourteen – Lauriana has a close encounter with ogres. Mikell and Lauriana’s dreams are invaded by The Master. The words “You Are Mine” are burned into Lauriana’s arm. The Master can track them by the burn.
Chapter Fifteen – The Master stares at a mysterious portrait of a woman who died 800 years ago. Lauriana’s wound continues to get worse and needs treatment soon. They decide to go to Tandril’s home. (An elven village). Lauriana takes a knife with her to bed and stabs The Master in her dreams.
Chapter Sixteen – The Master is angered by Lauriana stabbing him, and he makes her sicker. The Master Healer at the elven village hates humans and refuses to allow the healing. Heartbroken the party prepares to leave and is stopped by Maurenthia, a young elven healer who offers to heal Lauriana. After the healing Lauriana must fight The Master in her dreams to drive him from her mind. After three days she’s still unconscious. Petrick has an idea that might help and enlists Jenessa’s help.
Chapter Seventeen – Lauriana fights her way out of The Master’s dream world and wakes up free if the poison. She discovers The Master wants her to have his child so he can become invincible. Petrick doesn’t return from the dream world in time and Zeke frees him. Lauriana and Mikell argue and later come to an understanding. Mikell has a surprise for Lauriana.
Chapter Eighteen – Lauriana rests a few days in the elven village. Mikell decided to ask Lauriana to be his wife. Ash discovers that The Master needs an heir before the fall of the next year. If she can stay out of his clutches by the winter solstice she’ll be able to go home. Lauriana agrees to marry Mikell, and then has a fight with Marcus. Zeke says the planet are aligning in such a way tonight that he can send Lauriana home, but she will never be able to return. Unable to decide Lauriana runs from the hall.
Chapter Nineteen – Lauriana decides to stay because she couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t help Mikell’s world. She finds out the Ari was going to propose the day she was transported to this world. Because she doesn’t think she’ll ever see Ari again she marries Mikell. The elven healer acts suspicious and insists on leaving with the party. The party sets out for the Arcane Mountains. Tandril questions the healer’s behavior.
Chapter Twenty Part One – The party stops at Traverse City to pick up supplies and are forced to stay in town because of a snowstorm. Two people from Mikell’s past are in town, Selina, who had wanted to marry him and Kesar who wants to kill him. Kesar finds Mikell and forces him into a fight by having one of his men grab Lauriana. Mikell is seriously injured and near death. He can only by save by Zeke. But, Zeke is in a meditative trance and can’t be awakened until morning.
Chapter Twenty Part Two – Lauriana waits by Mikell’s bedside for Zeke to awake. Master Hartford visits Ash (his mother) and the reader discovers the Ash is really Lauriana’s Aunt, but hasn’t told her yet. Zeke heals Mikell in the nick of time. Mikell goes after Kesar wanting to end the feud once and for all. The Master explains to Martika why he hates Lauriana and Mikell so much. He loved one of Lauriana’s ancestor’s and she left him for an ancestor of Mikell’s. The Master ended up killing them both. Lauriana waits in her room with her cousins for Mikell and the other men to return. The door crashes open and three large men burst in.
Chapter Twenty-One
The Master has delusions that Lauriana could love him. Mikell kills Kesar in a final showdown. Lauriana and her cousins battle three of Kesar’s men. Mikell rushes back to Lauriana to try to stop Kesar’s men.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Winnie catches Maurenthia, the elven healer in suspicious behavior. The Master appears Lauriana and tells her that if she doesn’t leave the camp and come to him, Mikell will die. Martika appears to Mikell offering to save his life in return for marrying her. Lauriana grabs her pack and leaves the camp. She doesn’t get very far before she decides she can’t go threw with it. She had promised Mikell she wouldn’t go off on her own. Tandril finds her and then gets Mikell. Mikell convinces Lauriana to come back to the camp. The next morning after Mikell gets up and leaves the shelter, Lauriana awakes to find The Master next to her.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The Master leaves a red handprint on Lauriana’s breast. He used a projection spell and Lauriana will need someone with her at all times to prevent The Master from returning. Maurenthia admits she wants revenge against The Master for the death of her brothers. Tandril realizes Maurenthia is his cousin. He was with her brothers in the pass to The Master’s lair. Mikell discovers they are being followed. They make camp and wait for Kesar’s men to arrive. Marcus and Sheridan battle a group of men, but one gets through into to camp. Lauriana leaves the fire to find her missing necklace. Hector grabs her and puts a blade to her neck.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The party fights off the rest of Kesar’s men. Lauriana kills Hector. Mikell and Lauriana have words about why she left the fire. Lauriana confides in Tandril. Lauriana and Mikell make up. The party finds the cave. Lauriana finds a secret door and walks through a force field. Mikell tries to follow but is thrown back.
Chapter Twenty-five
The Master has been and is still leading Lauriana and the others into a trap. Lauriana meets the spirits of Zotara (her ancestor) and Andries (Mikell’s ancestor.) They give her encouragement and clues to finding The Master. Zotara also gives her an amulet to be used in dire consequences. Sheridan recognizes the pass that leads to The Master’s Lair on the map as one that is guarded by the mountain dwarves. On the way to the dwarves underground city they are attacked by rebel dwarves. They reach the city and convince Gertie to take them to the pass entrance. As they get closer to the pass the handprint on Lauriana’s breast begins to glow and burn.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Lauriana realizes that The Master’s has been trying to drive Mikell and her apart, that the key to defeating him is to work together. The party reaches the pass to Mount Death. They spend an afternoon preparing to enter the pass. They enter the pass the next morning. Mikell and Lauriana lead the way through the pass. The ground opens up and swallows Lauriana.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
-1-
Mikell dropped to the ground, his mind racing, heart hammering. He ran his hand over the bare ground searching for an opening.
“What happened?” Zeke asked.
Marcus looked around. “Where’s my sister?”
“There was nothing I could do.” Mikell covered his ashen face with his hand and shook his head. “One second she was here next to me, the next the ground collapsed under her…”
Tandril gripped Mikell’s arm and pulled him to his feet. “The Master will not risk harming her.”
“We will find her.” Zeke shrugged. “For all we know she may still be here. This world works differently. We must wait and see, while we continue with the plan. It’s what Lauriana would want.”
Mikell swallowed hard. “You’re right let’s move on.”
The party walked down the path in silence. Mikell froze. The hairs raised on his neck. He could feel the eyes on him. He held up his hand to get the others to stop. “Listen.” All he could hear was his own breathing.
“I don’t hear anything,” Jenessa said.
Tandril eased his bow off his back and nocked an arrow. “Exactly. The animals are afraid.”
Six creatures leapt out of the bushes surrounding the party. The beasts resembled wild boars, but were three times as big. The beasts snarled and pawed the ground. A yellow liquid dripped from razor sharp tusks.
Tandril fired with deadly accuracy. “Wereboars. Don’t let the tusks cut you. They are covered in a deadly poison.” His arrow struck a wereboar through the heart. He had another arrow flying before the animal hit the ground. The second arrow hit its mark between the eyes dropping the beast.
Mikell fired two arrows, one after the other. The first arrow struck a wereboar in the eye. The animal staggered and fell. A pool of blood formed around its head. The second arrow took one of the creatures through the heart. It fell with a thud.
Marcus spun around and fired an arrow at a third wereboar hitting it in the chest. It staggered, but kept advancing. Sheridan slammed his battle-axe between the wereboar’s eyes. Blood and chunks of meat flew as the animal collapsed. Sledge shot an arrow and killed another boar. Mikell looked around for the sixth wereboar.
Winnie had intended to stand to the side, out of the way once she found an opening. She didn’t want anything to do with these creatures. The men seemed to have things well in hand. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw the last wereboar fall. Wait a minute. Weren’t there six of them?
She heard snarling and slowly turned her head to the left. The wereboar sprang forward. She backed up slowly, a dagger ready in each hand. She willed her hands to throw the daggers, but her hands remained clutched around the hilts. The wereboar snarled again, poison dripping off its tusks. Would one drop be enough to kill her? The wereboar crept closer, its red eyes fixed on her. She could smell the stench of decayed meat on its breath. Her foot caught on a root and she fell backward. The wereboar crouched ready to spring. Winnie jumped to her feet, closed her eyes and lunged forward thrusting her daggers out in front of her. She felt the wereboar’s crushing weight on top of her. Certain she was going to die; she squeezed her eyes shut and waited to be ripped to shreds by the razor sharp tusks.
She felt the weight of the creature lift off her. Winnie opened her eyes. She saw Sledge and Marcus’s worried faces. Tandril knelt next to her. “Are you hurt?”
“I don’t think so…” Winnie looked around. “What happened?”
“You killed a wereboar,” Tandril said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
She stared at him. “Me? I killed a wereboar?”
Tandril and Jenessa helped her up. When Winnie tried to stand, she cried out in pain. They eased her back to the ground.
Jenessa shuddered. “I can’t believe that thing landed on top of you.”
Zeke examined Winnie’s ankle. “I do not see any marks on her where the poison might have penetrated. Other than a sprained ankle I believe you made it through the attack unscathed young lady.” He clasped his hands around Winnie’s ankle and closed his eyes. His hands began to glow and she could feel a surge of heat going into her ankle. The pain dissipated. “Your ankle will be sore for a few days, but it is no longer sprained.”
Winnie smiled. “Thanks, but I thought you couldn’t use magic here.”
“Your ankle only required a small flow of magic. I was sure it would be safe.”
-2-
Lauriana looked up and down the path. Nothing appeared to have changed except now she was alone. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let it out again. “I can handle this,” she whispered. Thoughts of Mikell flooded her mind. Her heart ached for him. She knew he’d be worried. She thought about Ari. If she didn’t get through this she’d never see him again. She pushed the thought away. She couldn’t think about him right now. If she let guilt consume her, she’d never make it out of the pass.
How long had she been walking? Her legs ached and her stomach rumbled. Just when she thought nothing was going to happen, she saw a glow up ahead. When she came closer, she realized the light was coming from a cottage window. She heard voices, Mikell’s voice and a woman’s. Had she ever heard the woman’s voice before? Her eyes grew wide and she ran to the open window.
Mikell tightened his arms around Martika, pulled her close, and covered her mouth with his. He drew back and gazed at her. “I am so glad I saw the err of my ways.” He gazed into her eyes and slid his hand down her bare back. “I can’t believe I was taken with that silly foolish child, when I could have a real woman. Forgive me. I want nothing more to do with Lauriana ever again.” He stroked her cheek. “I could stay in bed with you all day.”
“Don’t worry,” Martika, said breathlessly, “I will let you make it up to me. Now I want less talk and more action.”
Lauriana backed away from the window. Her knees buckled and she dropped to the ground. The memory of Martika coming to the Keep came back to her in a rush. She shook herself. This is just a trick. I can handle this. I will not let The Master win. She summoned up her courage and got to her feet. She resumed the trail, ignoring the moans coming from the window, and never looked back.
Hours later she saw another light up ahead or had it been days? Lauriana didn’t want to know where this light led, but she pressed on. She knew the key to getting back to the others was passing the tests.
The light came from another cottage. She heard loud voices arguing. The voice sounded like – no, it couldn’t be. She ran to the window, blinked and tried to clear her vision. She saw herself standing in the room.
“How could you betray me like this with him?” Ari demanded pointing at Mikell.
Tears poured down Lauriana’s cheeks. “Please, try to understand. I didn’t know what else to do. I thought I’d never see you again. There has not been a day that I have not felt guilty. I never stopped loving you. I just…”
“Liar!” Ari glared at her. “I’ll never trust you again. You are nothing, but a whore. I never want to see you again.”
Mikell grabbed him by the arm. “Watch what you say about my wife.”
“It’s all true.”
Mikell swung, hitting Ari in the nose. Ari fell to the ground. He started laughing as he wiped blood from his nose. “Don’t you see? She is playing us both for fools. She doesn’t love either one of us.”
Mikell stared at Lauriana for a long time. He turned to Ari and helped him off the floor. “Let’s get out of here.”
Lauriana grabbed his arm. “No, it’s not true. I love you.”
He jerked his arm away. “Don’t ever touch me again.”
"Ari, please, you know me better than that. I’d never –”
“All I know is that you have betrayed me.”
Mikell looked at her with disgust. “If you betrayed him, you will betray me. It’s only a matter of time.”
Lauriana watched Ari and Mikell leave and sank to her knees sobbing.
Lauriana backed away from the window. She sat down hard trying to catch her breath. She knew what she saw wasn’t real. After all, she was sitting on the path. She wasn’t in the cottage on the floor sobbing. But what if what she saw was the future? She shook her head. She couldn’t think that way. She got to her feet and started running. She ran until she couldn’t run any more and then slowed to a walk.
She saw another light up ahead. Her stomach lurched. The light came from a building that looked familiar. She had seen it in one of her dreams. The house was the one she had been trapped in with The Master. She could hear anguished screams. Lauriana knew the voice, but was afraid to look in the window. She heard evil laughter. She took a deep breath, let it out and swallowed hard. Her heart beat wildly. She stepped up to the window.
Mikell hung from the wall by chains. Blood gushed from several jagged cuts. He lifted his head and looked right at Lauriana. He screamed her name begging her to help him. She backed up from the window. Her legs would no longer support her. She dropped to the ground and covered her ears. It took all her strength to keep from rushing into the house. Lauriana thought that if her legs could support she might run into the house. She knelt on the ground sobbing with her hands over her ears and her eyes squeezed shut. “It’s not real, it’s not real…”
-3-
Mikell led the party down the path, his shoulders and upper back muscles tight. How long has she been gone? He went over his wife’s disappearance in his head, trying to think of something he could have done. Such thoughts were futile, but that didn’t stop them. Lauriana had been gone for at least a day, but no one knew for sure. In the pass time seemed to stand still. The quality of light changed little.
Winnie stopped in the middle of the path. “Hey can you hear that? Sounds like a woman’s voice.”
“It’s coming from up ahead,” Tandril said.
Mikell couldn’t hear the voice, he didn’t have elvin ears, but he sprinted down the path, the others followed.
“It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real.” Lauriana knelt on the ground with her hands over her ears, her eyes shut. She rocked back and forth tears streamed down her face. Mikell ran to her side. He touched her arm and she screamed. “No, stay away from me.” She took her hands off her ears to fend him off.
Mikell grabbed her arms, pulled her to her feet and shook her. “Lauriana, it’s me. Look at me!”
She opened her eyes. At first, she only stared at him. She touched his face. “Is it really you?” she whispered.
“Yes.” He crushed her body against his. “I’m here. It’s okay now.” He stroked her hair.
“I was so afraid I’d never see you again.” She buried her face into his chest.
Mikell couldn’t find the words he wanted to say and settled for, “are you hurt?”
“No.” She laughed. “I didn’t know how much more I could take.”
“What happened to you?” Sheridan asked.
Lauriana shook her head. “I don’t know. One second I was walking with the rest of you, the next I was on the path alone. I kept walking. I came across a house and I looked in the window…” She broke off.
“What? What did you see?” Mikell asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it. The Master, he tried to trick me. He showed me… images. He was trying to get me to run into the houses, but I knew he was trying to trap me so I didn’t go in.”
She continued to cry. Her legs gave away and Mikell caught her.
“She’s exhausted. She needs rest. I think we better stop here for a while, get some sleep. We’re not going to find our way out anytime soon.” He sat on the ground holding Lauriana who gripped him so tightly he thought she’d never let go. Which, would be okay with him.
Zeke stroked his beard. “I believe that most of you will endure something similar to Lauriana before we reach the end of the pass.”
Jenessa swallowed hard and moved closer to Petrick. He put an arm around her and wore an odd expression on his face. Winnie’s face paled at the thought of what she might face. She stepped closer to Tandril, who put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Marcus and Sheridan looked at each other and did not say a word. Maurenthia stared off at nothing.
Ash shook her head and looked at Zeke. “I wish there be something more we could do.”
“I know.” He took her hand in his and squeezed it.
The party didn’t dare stray from the path. Many unknown creatures lived in the pass. Stepping off the path also meant taking the risk that they may never find the path again. In this dream world, nothing stayed the same. They built their shelters along the path. Lauriana had not moved far from the spot where they had found her.
Mikell took her by the hand. “You’re shivering. Let’s move closer to the fire.” Without a word, she got up and let him lead her to the fire, where she stared into the flames.
“Maybe you should let Ash look at you,” Mikell said.
“I’m fine! The last thing I need is some of that wretched tea. I need to think clearly.” Lauriana wrapped her arms around her knees and continued to stare into the fire.
Mikell threw up his hands and walked a few feet away keeping his back to her. Zeke approached Lauriana and sat next to her. “He is concerned about you. We all are.”
“I know. I said I was fine, and I am. It’s just hard to forget everything I saw. Even though I know what I saw wasn’t real, it’s still etched in my mind. The feeling of dread that came over me… I can’t even begin to describe. It seemed so real.” She shuttered.
“I know.” Zeke put his arm around her shoulders. “It might help you to talk about what you experienced. It could help prepare the others for what they might face.”
She was silent for a few moments. “All right,” she said quietly. “Tell everyone to gather around I’m not going to say this again.”
-4-
Mikell studied his wife’s face as Lauriana told the others every detail of what had happened. Her eyes looked haunted as she spoke. She had to stop twice to regain control of her emotions. No one said a word. When she finished Mikell got up and left the fire, overcome by feelings of powerlessness and guilt. He should have been able to prevent what she had been through.
Zeke broke the silence. “Perhaps we should turn in and get some rest.” After hearing what Lauriana had been through, none of the party felt sleepy. They stared at the flames each lost in their own thoughts.
Mikell returned to the fire. “We should keep watch in pairs tonight. There is no way to tell what might happen.”
“Zeke and I will take the first watch,” Ash said.
“Good,” Mikell said. “Marcus and Sledge you’ll take the next one, then Winnie and Tandril, Petrick, Jenessa, and Sheridan and then I will take the last watch.”
“No.” Marcus looked at Sledge, who nodded. “Sledge and I will take your watch as well. I’d rather have you stay with my sister.” Both Lauriana and Mikell opened their mouths to protest, but Marcus put up his hand. “I will not take no for an answer.” Marcus turned to his sister. “Let me do this for you.”
“All right. You win. I guess I’ll turn in,” she said quietly and left the fire.
Mikell poked his head into the shelter. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
“I thought you were angry with me.” Mikell ducked into the shelter and sat cross legged next to her.
She shook her head. “I know you’re worried about me. I am glad you care enough to be so concerned about me.” She gave him a tentative smile.
“I wish I knew what to say to you. I can’t stand that there are things I can’t protect you from. I …” He lost the words. Mikell continued a moment later. “You know what you saw in the first two houses would never, could never happen…”
“I know you’d never turn to Martika. What I saw in the other house, I’m not so sure.”
He tilted her chin up and looked her in the eye. “It will never happen.”
She stared at him a few moments and then gave him a small smile. “Okay”
“I wish I could make all of this go away.”
“All I need right now is for you to hold me,” Lauriana said softly. “Just hold me.”
Mikell took her in his arms. “I’ve got you. And I’m never going to let go.”
Tears started rolling down her cheeks. “It feels so good to be next to you, I’m overwhelmed.”
“I love you with every fiber of my being and we will get through this together.”
-5-
Lauriana sat in shelter staring into the shadows cast by the lantern against the pine boughs. She shuttered at being so close to The Master. This was closer than she ever wanted to be. The thought of it made her physically ill. She inhaled deeply breathing in the heavy pine scent. Her body felt leaden like she could fall into a deep sleep, yet she’d never felt more awake in her life.
She was glad Mikell had not returned yet. He left a while ago to sit at the fire and talk to the rest of the party, who had yet to turn in. Lauriana just wanted to be alone with her haunted thoughts. She heard rustling as Mikell entered the shelter. She glanced at him and then looked away.
“You should get some rest. You’ll need it before we start out again.”
“No.”
He frowned at her. “You have to rest.”
She swallowed hard and looked him in the eye. “I’m not going on.”
“What do you mean?” Mikell grabbed her by the arm. “You are in the middle of The Master’s nightmare world. You must continue. You must finish this for all our sakes.”
Lauriana shook her head. “No, I’m done.” She pulled away from him. Tears started coursing down her face. “I can’t take anymore. I can’t face The Master. I’m just not strong enough. I tried, but now I’m done.”
“Do you think The Master will just let you walk away from here?”
“I’ve got to try to get away.”
“You have to go on. It’s the right thing to do you said so yourself.”
“I am sick to death of doing the right thing,” she snapped. “All of my life I’ve always done the right thing. I’m tired of it.”
Mikell studied her for a while and finally said, “I won’t be going with you. With you or without you I will try to defeat The Master.”
She snapped her head up. It had never occurred to her that he might try to go on without her. “But the prophecy says that only I have a chance to defeat him. You’ll get killed.”
“Someone has to try. If you go back you’re on your own.”
“We will see about that!” She flew out of the shelter.
-6-
Mikell watched his wife as she explained to the others that she was not going to complete the quest. The wild terror in her eyes made his heart break. He desperately searched the recesses of his mind for a way to convince her that she had to see this through.
Marcus looked at her with disgust. “If you don’t complete the quest you won’t be able to go home.”
“I don’t care. I’ll stay at the Keep. I’ll be safe with Zeke. The rest of you can go home.” She looked at the others and pleaded, “please we need to get out of here. We can just head back the way that we came.”
“I’m going with Mikell,” Tandril said. “He may need assistance. I won’t let him do this alone.”
“I’ve come this far,” Marcus replied. “I’ll see it through.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Sheridan grumbled, “count me in.”
Winnie looked at her sister and Jenessa nodded. “Count us in too.”
“A combatant never backs down from a fight.” Sledge puffed out his chest.
The elven healer glowered at Lauriana. “You see, some of have the guts to see this through.”
“Now, do you see?” Mikell grabbed Lauriana’s arm. “All of us are committed to this quest. You can’t just quit.”
“I already have.”
He watched her storm back to her shelter with worry in his eyes. How could he protect her if she refused to move forward? He knew The Master wouldn’t allow his wife to leave the pass. Her only hope, everyone’s only hope was to keep going.
-7-
Zeke sat next Ash by the crackling fire in silence, they had much to think about.
“I had a feeling our travel through this pass would be long and take a great toll,” Ash said as she stared out into the night. “But I never thought the girl would give up.”
“There is still time for Lauriana to change her mind. I think these young people will pass the tests. The question is when the tests are done; will they have strength enough to take on The Master?” Zeke tossed a twig into the fire wishing for the umpteenth time that he could do more than offer guidance.
“I pray they do.”
“I believe Mikell will be the next to disappear. Mikell’s strong, he’ll be able to pass the tests.” Zeke rubbed his hands and held them up to the fire. “I think the tests may be easier on the rest of them. The Master knows little about the others, so he may not know their deepest fears.”
“And if Lauriana doesn’t change her mind?”
Zeke grimaced. “I’m afraid that if that is the case, we are all in grave danger. The Master will not let any of us leave this pass alive.” He would continue to believe in Lauriana. She would change her mind. The gods trusted in her, so would he.
Marcus and Sledge emerged from their shelter ready for their watch.
“Good heavens, is our watch up already? I guess the company was so good time flew by.” Zeke winked at Ash and stood up. Marcus looked puzzled.
“Something on your mind, my boy?” Zeke asked.
“I was wondering why The Master has these tests.”
Zeke stroked his beard. “For two reasons. First, he wants to find out how strong his adversary is. Second if the adversary is deemed worthy he tries to weaken him.”
Marcus nodded. Zeke held out a hand to Ash, helped her up and they went to their shelter.
-8-
Marcus rubbed his stinging eyes. He tired of staring out into the darkness. The light from the fire should have penetrated the darkness at the edges of the path, but it didn’t. He felt his eyes wanting to close and his shoulders droop. Sledge seemed unaffected. He stood straight and strong, his eyes ever watchful. Marcus opened his mouth to speak when Sledge tensed and held up his hand. Marcus scanned the edge of their camp, but couldn’t see anything. Sledge pointed to a few different spots in the trees. Several large eyes peered out of the trees. The birds and other night sounds he had heard earlier had ceased. “What are they?” he whispered.
“I have only heard about them in legends. I think they are hell bats.”
Winnie gathered her cloak around her and checked the placement of her daggers; six in her belt and one strapped to each forearm under her sleeves. She was ready to stand watch. Shrieks and shouts filled the air. One step out of her shelter; she was knocked to the ground.
She opened her mouth to demand what the elf was trying to do and snapped it shut again when she saw the creature that had tried to grab her. Huge and bat-like, the end of its wings supported long fingers with even longer claws. The creature hissed revealing a dozen razor sharp teeth. Tandril rolled off her and Winnie threw one of her daggers with deadly aim. Struck in the throat it fell to the ground with a thud. About a dozen more swooped through the air. Tandril grabbed his bow and fired arrows. Two more creatures fell to the ground.
Lauriana and Mikell flew out of their shelter and joined the melee. Mikell fired arrows and Lauriana swung her sword in the air taking the head off any bat that swooped close enough. Bats fell in bloody piles all around them. By the time the others came out of their shelters the battle was over.
“Ewww, what were those things?” Jenessa asked.
Mikell grimaced. “Hell bats.”
Lauriana’s eyes widened. “You’ve seen them before?”
“No, but I’ve heard stories. Hell bats live in nightmare worlds. That’s where we are now in The Master’s own Nightmare World.”
-9-
Lauriana watched her husband sleeping. She had pretended to be asleep. He wouldn’t have gone to sleep if he had known that she’d be lying awake. He’d sit up and try to comfort her. She loved him for it, but there wasn’t any way to comfort her. She was too afraid to go on. Hadn’t she told him in the beginning that she was not strong enough to do this? Mikell had almost convinced her that she was. A tear fell down her cheek.
She jumped when she saw Tandril’s head pop into the shelter. He motioned to her. She grabbed her cloak and followed him out to the fire.
“What do you want?”
“I thought you might need to talk.” Tandril sat down on the log by the fire and patted the space next to him.
Lauriana sat down next to him, but wouldn’t look his way. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
He studied her for a moment. “I think there is. Why are you so afraid to try? What is it you think might happen?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know what will happen. I just know I can’t handle it. I can’t face The Master.”
“Why? You’ve faced him many times in your dreams. Why is it so different now?”
She stared at the elf that had become her friend over the last few months. When she finally spoke, her voice was no more than a whisper. “I’m afraid the next time I see The Master I will be so terrified that I will do whatever he asks and he’ll win. Worst of all, Mikell will be so disappointed in me that he will never look at me the same way again. He and everyone else will see what a pathetic coward I really am.”
Lauriana looked at the elf waiting for him to tell her she was wrong or try to convince her otherwise, but he only said, “but if you stay here, The Master will win anyway. He will not let any of us out of here alive. Wouldn’t it be better to try?”
-10-
She rolled over and reached her arm out. Her eyes popped wide open as her arm dropped to an empty cold space. Her heart jumped to her throat. Lauriana took a deep breath and let it out again. Maybe he just went out to get some air. But all his things are missing her mind screamed. She tried to reassure herself, ignoring the fact that all of his belongings were missing. She grabbed her cloak and left the shelter to look for any sign of her husband.
“What’s wrong?” Tandril asked.
Lauriana looked at him, her eyes filled with tears, “He’s gone. When I woke up this morning Mikell was gone. So were all his things.” She turned her back to him, rubbed her forehead, and closed her eyes for a moment. Tandril put his hand on her shoulder.
“I’m sure it’s just his turn to be tested. You know Mikell is strong and will pass.”
“I know. I just can’t help worrying.”
“He loves you and will do whatever it takes to get back to you.” Tandril gave her a small smile.
“Did he tell you that?” Lauriana turned around and looked at him. He nodded. She threw her arms around him. “Tandril, not only are you always right, but you always know the right thing to say.” He hugged her back.
“Hey, break it up here,” Winnie said. “You’ve already got one man, isn’t that enough?” The words died on her lips when she saw the look on Lauriana’s face. “What’s wrong?”
“Mikell’s gone,” Tandril said.
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Wow, i must say, wow! That a lot of characters in one story, it felt like a was reading an actual novel. Overall it was a good story, you have a good way of telling your story.
I like the fight scene when they were fighting over the girl and one the guys said
’’She doesn’t love you, she’s using both of us.’‘
I don’t remember who said those words but that made me more connected with the characters and you have a lot going on i must say again. I didn/t have time to pick my fav character because it was so much of them.
But still was good.
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Lauriana sat in shelter staring into the shadows cast by the lantern against the pine boughs. She shuttered at being so close to The Master.”
I believe the word is shuddered, not shuttered. Other than that I really enjoyed this and can’t wait for more. I guess I’ll have to go and read the previous chapters. Keep up the great work!
I think you do an admirable job of the “what where when why who and how” story structure style. No, it’s not what I invented, but I did steal it. I think that the writer defines the novel in their own way!
It’s what Lauriana would want—I’m a little unsure about this line. On one hand it fits in context, on the other it’s a little cliched. You might, just a suggestion, find an alternate line
when I could have a real woman—same problem as above. This is a line that’s just been used too many times in the same situation. Maybe it’s the only possibility, but your story deserves better
“I am sick to death of doing the right thing,” she snapped. “All of my life I’ve always done the right thing. I’m tired of it.”
I like this line because of the human-ness of it. I can’t think of anyone who hasn’t felt that way. It’s making Lauriana a little less noble in character (at this moment), but in a good way
Mikell will be so disappointed in me that he will never look at me the same way again. He and everyone else will see what a pathetic coward I really am.”—This disappoints me. Lauriana has grown and developed such confidence in herself, now she’s back to where she was in the beginning parts of the story. I know it makes for a good storyline, but I feel like there must be a better reason for her to feel this way.
I like the way you’re not afraid to throw supernatural creatures into your story to keep the fantasy element in action. I’m not fond of it personally, but it fits in your story, that’s what counts.
I think Lauriana’s “test” should have lasted longer, it just felt like some elements were missing.
A few grammar errors, but overall this keeps building and is very readable. The fantasy/sword and sorcery fans will love this. Can’t wait for next chapter.
alright, let me get the positive feedback out of the way so i can get to the nit picking which is ultimately what you are really looking for. although perhaps not with how far you already are in your story. It is well written, you have talent, and it strikes me as the type of book that if published will develop a cult like following. now for the criticism. The dialogue used during fight sequences is rather awkward (other dialogue is fine). Take what your characters are saying in the fights they find themselves in (such as the wereboars in the beginning) and act it out in your mind paying close attention to what is said. Does it sound like something you would say as the character in the situation? I personally found that it did not flow. Second off, now this is just a word of caution, be careful with your character switching. switching too often and between to many characters can ultimately be the downfall of a book. It the main reason nobody enjoys the last few novels in The Wheel of Time series by robert jordan. Just try to make things less confusing.
but overall its good and i would say you shouldnt worry about naggy opinions like mine.
I did not notice anything wrong in this story. I was so into it. I know you said that not everyone has to have a world or whatever, but your book could do with one. It has alot of things that need to be seen on a graphical thing—such as a map. BUT GOOD OVERALL
very very good. reminds me of eragon. i like it and c an wait for the next version
The most part that i read was really good, i wish i had your talent.
I really liked this story.
If it were a published book I would probably like it better.
I have to say though, next time post it in seperate parts.
Because it is a bore to keep reading and reading at the computer.
I think that you have good writing though.
I would suggest sending this to publishing companies if you havent already.
I am not a general fan of stories like this, but this REALLy drew me in. I do appreciate how you do not repeatedly describe the same place. The characters are very real, and even in such a fictional world, they have an authentic feel. These characetrs and the way you write will easily carry you through an entire set of novels, not only one.
with the transferrence from part 9 to part 10, you say ‘she turned over’ but as this is a new segment, it would be a lot clearer if you used her name again, otherwise it seems like you are continuing the flow from 9 to 10, and it confused me because she goes from sitting by the fire with one guy, to waking up in bed looking for her husband. you might also want to put a small sentence from her saying goodnight or something, just to clarify that it is now changing to a new scene. It also concerns me slightly that shes so determined to beat the master, and strongly defeats him many times, yet gives up so easilly and allows him to win anyway. The reader is not stupid, and knows that as she is the main character she will not give up and go home, no matter how much she wants to. you say earlier that she wont go home to her own world because she will never forgiive herself, so why would she give up now? you might want to expand the conversation more to cover this? Its not very believable, and the reader needs more convincing that she is determiend to not go through with it. If she is so serious about wanting to go home, maybe she tries to sneak off in the middle of the night and Tandril catches her rather than coming over to her? Just some food for thought.. otherwise, no criticisms!
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