thanks for the review… I’ll look at it and see what I can change.
Poetry / A Soundless Voice
So cold this flame, this keepsake of mine
Forever to be held, forever in this lifetime
Only to be awaken with the dawn’s flame
A memory etched deep in my mind’s grave
A slave to an entity bound in shackles
What moonlit glow shall unveil a lie
The bitterness of fear masks the courage within
Unlock the tongue ignorant of sin
A cold apparition a glistening blaze
A circle of thoughts swirling around
Feel the flesh, the tough texture
An outward exert calms the inner anguish
Reveal the meaning behind the glare
The eye of the beholder beholds a fallen star
Capture the essence of life itself
Before you too are unresponsive
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rebel310 reviewed Version 2 -
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Only to be awaken by dawn’s flame – i belive that has to say a brighter day its a good way to say it.
Unlock the tongue ignorant of sin- this line wasent needed in my opinion
A cold apparition a glistening blaze- this dosent go with the other three lines its with those connect perfectly
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avkoshy reviewed Version 2 -
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awakened and exertion would be much better than awaken and exert
some stanzas are fine but some don’t make sense
i need more clarity as to what the poem’s about
addng a comma after apparition would help
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