It was one of my more forward poems…..thank you for the insight…i meant to be plain and simple with this particular one. my other poems are more like what you describe. this one is not on purpose…...
Poetry / Your Leashed Insecurities (Analysis)
You hold on
To This leash
And you don’t let go
Until you find him here
Attached to you somehow
You don’t care
If you two were meant to be
You just wish
He would never leave
Your intentions only for your own
You cry when he’s honest
You’re happy when he lies
Discontent when it doesn’t go your way
Living as a doormat that you despise
And what will keep him here
Your plea for your insecurity
Your attachment that becomes overbearing
Your leash with spikes that continues to choke both of you
All for a ring
All for a piece of paper
That seems to ruin it anyways
That seems to destroy the meaning
That brings you both to your knees
For what
So you’re not insecure anymore
So you don’t feel like you need to cling anymore
So you can say he is yours as he reaches for the door
What will this accomplish
Who wins the game in the end
Who feels the same in the end
Who gets destroyed in the end
The only thing that will survive
Is the love that was in their eyes
In their hearts
The kind of love that will never die
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skip2mylou reviewed Version 1 -
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knelson reviewed Version 1 -
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I really enjoyed the use of lines grouped together that started with the same letter like Y and W, T and S. The verse that begins with For What has a pleasant lyrical quality that made me think that this poem lends itself to music. I also enjoyed the way this poem opens and closes with inanimate yet very strong images; the idea of the leash and the notion of eternal love.
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eyeronik reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the observation and perspective of the entire poem until the last stanza.
“The only thing that will survive
Is the love that was in their eyes
In their hearts
The kind of love that will never die”
for me it just doesn’t fit with the rest its like a forced happy ending. I will look for more of yours to read this was interesting.
tsubasa129 reviewed Version 1 -
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That really doesn’t sound like insecurity but it seems like controll issues. At least in the poem the couple knows that everything they are doing is wrong.
jeells reviewed Version 1 -
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I see what you’re saying here, but try saying it in specific, picturesque ways. ‘You’re happy when he lies’, for example: I think it would be more effective to use an action to convey happiness, instead of just saying ‘happiness.’ With poetry, you want vibrant language, and to say things in a way one would ordinarily not think of – show, don’t tell.
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