Thank you for reviewing. I added a summary all the way to chap 8 but it is becoming so extensive that it is almost as long as the test itself lol.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Beyond The Dreams - Chapter 9
The green spread in front of him. This unraveling of nature’s pure and unaltered shapes made him all the more thoughtful. He just could not bring himself to believe Romu’s theory. He could not be Juminexly linked to that slave. It was alienation; he was a Precursor after all. He had read and re-read the Juminex theory and some aspects seem to fit his current situation but so many other variables remained undefined. The theory had been formulated centuries ago by a man no one knew hardly anything about. Facts on his life had been scarce in the Universe’s history as he had not accomplished anything worth mentioning. His theory had been the only thing distinguishing him from any other commoner. Some had called him a genius in his time, but most of them had called him crazy. According to him, Juminex souls shared a common destiny, a perfect resonance of the personalities, a feeling of complete shared understanding of one another. The Juminex souls were irremediably drawn to one another. Many had met that soul in their everyday life but according to the theory, too many were blinded, unreceptive to it, and often moved on, leaving the most important behind. In the absence of the twin soul, the feeling of lack, of deep vanity in life’s multiples actions often brought the souls to dissatisfaction, bringing it to survival rather than life. The two beings could come from totally different geographical, ethnicity, political, ethical…backgrounds and still form symbiosis. Their life experiences, genetics, environment…molded them in various patterns. There was no real blueprint; no real way to anticipate whose Juminex soul could be as the possibilities were infinite. Small tests groups had been studied but little had come from them as they had been found to be too restrained, too calculated to be exhaustive. But that man had believed in his theory, he thought it possible though had yet to prove it scientifically.
He walked in the green grass, the wind swaying the top of the peupliers. He felt so strange, out of place. He had always been looking for a deeper meaning to his life, finding contradictions in all the aspects of his future life as a Precursor, needing for the essence of his existence to be elsewhere. He had never had the courage to change anything, to ruffle his life, uncovering the revolutionary idea peopling his mind. And today, as a meaning for his resistance may have been revealed, he could not accept it. He felt closeness to this slave, obsession overtaking his mind. His dreams were now explained. Those inconsistent fights, unknown, with for only outcome pain and questioning, those unexpected pains now had a source: Axia. But how? How could her dreams reach him? And why? Why had he been living her fights as if he had been within her? The theory did not mention anything about that. Axia had not known him a few days ago, how could she then…So many questions without answers. Fatality seemed to keep on putting this slave on his path and he wished it didn’t. He just could not bring himself to believe that unproven theory.
A shadow appeared on the grass, familiar outline. Erin stopped in his track allowing his father to reach his side. Sfax was wearing a long sleeve coat despite the warmth of the sun, his hands in his back, straight, looking at him with a neutral stare.
“Hello Father. What are you doing here?” Erin asked.
“Hello Erin. I wanted to talk to you. I figured it would be easier to meet you rather than call for you.”
Erin frowned internally. Sfax wanted to talk to him about something very important or he would have never bothered his own schedule to meet him here.
“Yes Father. What may you expect of me?” Erin asked innocently.
“Let’s walk shall we?” Sfax said as he moved forward. Erin followed his lead.
“Your first practical fight will take place tomorrow I believe…I have a very delicate task for you to fulfill. I want you to make the Faulxis lose.
“But father she is undoubtedly the most…” the words had escaped his mouth before he could stop them.
“I know what she is.” Sfax’s eyes enflamed for a second stopped Erin’s last words before they could cross his lips. He softened up:
“Do as I say and do not contest me, simply make her lose. Find a slave strong enough to dominate her. She is only a sixth level after all!”
Erin nodded.
“May I know why?”
His father eyes changed, the expression on his face closed some more.
“ The reason is of no concern to you. I am counting on you to be intransigent, final end.”
He turned on his heels, walking away, strong and rigid steps. Erin, still confused, asked:
“Will you attend the fight?”
The distance now separating him from his father muffled his father’s voice:
“Tomorrow, I will be far from here. I must leave for the Transigh System, a new race to evaluate…”
His genitor’s words were lost in the silence, leaving Erin alone to face the duty imposed to him by his father and the desire of justice filling his heart.
#
She dived, her sleep deeper than many previous nights. She dreamed red, crimson, color of poured blood, killings and survival through the death of others. She did not think of her life as anything more than survival, peopled with multitudes of fights, fragments of violence and horror blurring within her, forming a living nightmare, a diform mass, atrocious…her life, infamous, survivance… Malit, her Master, the man present since the awakening of her consciousness..everything stopped, everything paused on one image, distinct and clear, proper and pure, a face, a man…a familiar man even though unknown, silence, only one thing present to her mind, his lips forming a word, soundless, etched…Erin… then an electronic voice:
Feelings are the weakness of the mind, following emotions means accepting the easiness of the self, condemning mind and reason to death through the endless fight between feelings and reason. Thus, every emotions needs to be banished…banished…
Black, darkness and music, electronic, paired with the cold, the solitude…a minute sensation, almost imperceptible, somewhere, someplace of her mind, something awoke…she emerged, awoken, lips wet, salted taste, dead tear.
#
Axia was in the pre-fight room once again. She could not believe she was there, as if the events of the last few days had not really taken place. Malit had proven his trust in her by revealing many things that she was not supposed to know. He had probably expected her to do something irrational, hence the stuffed walls. She knew he had been worried for her well-being, but this had been one instance when she had been selfish, walking away, wanting to be alone to sort things out. Sleep had come late that night, deep but filled with death.
Malit had come for her this morning, purple circles under his eyes, aged by a few years it seemed. And now she was back in the routine of her life: survival. Malit had told her about this fight, a practicing fight when the learning Precursor put in practice their analysis and ability to plan the issue of a fight. The Precursor in training did not generally rule for death. Pain should mostly people this battle.
The iron pillars recessed in the ceiling and floor, freeing her passage in a thin cloud of dust. She made her way to the open. Axia briefly glanced at the steps to find them empty. She had expected to find at least the Precursor and Malit. None were to be seen. Silence, impromptu for her, hung in the arena. The examination was private, only witnessed by the practicing Precursor and distinctive Masters, reported by a series of robotic notes and video files.
Her adversary approached. Why wasn’t Malit present, on the steps, as he always was? Her thoughts plunged, something stirred within her, something she did not know but that scared her more than anything because she knew instantly she had no power over it. She felt it growing within her, building suddenly, juxtaposing itself on her own awareness. The face of her last victim imposed its image to her mind, stretching the face of the present slave to sketch it back to fit its own. Voices echoed in her ears, screams, angered and surprised. Her senses lost their anchor points, everything turned black, her awareness lost. Which path to follow? Hers or its? But Axia was no longer in control.
Axia, eyes rolled back, turned to the right, staring blindly at the tinted window above the tenth step, sensing presences behind the reflective surface. She raised her left arm, turned her head to the side, as a curious child discovering something unknown, now detailing her blades. She looked back at the window, dropped her arm to her thigh, rested it there for a second before dragging it again her own flesh. The tissues severed, wetting the metal with red. Her face remained unchanged, no screams, no cries, no weakness…her eyes closed, her lips deformed by a sadistic smile…she seemed to be enjoying the pain of this self-mutilation as her right thigh soon matched the left one. The fight of the personalities had just started.
Her maculated arms fell to her sides, her shoulders slumped. Two warm hands were now pressing on her temples, surprising the beast in the mist of her painful high. Her eyes finally rolled back into focus…a face almost touching hers, soft, distantly familiar:
“Axia, I am here. Please stop, don’t hurt yourself.”
She took his hands, unhooked them from her face, stepped back a few steps. She raised her painted forearms, chuckling, bowing to the Precursor and faced the other slave who stood there, quiet, well-trained not to act until the music started.
Erin climbed back up the steps, retreating back to the observing room. He was still trying to identify the strength having pushed him to act as he just had, to say the words he had just said when the gong rang, the first few measures of music starting. The secretary robot started recording the unfolding actions.
#
“You should trust her.”
“I’m sorry?” Malit asked, turning to the Precursor in training. The tone adopted by this future Precursor took Malit by surprise. His words had been neutral, almost friendly. He had remained silent until now, focusing his attention on the fight. He had not seemed very interested or entertained by it. Malit had interpreted that as a sign of pretention. However, he had not commented on Malit’s belated arrival; which was extremely surprising come to think of it. He remembered this young man. He had been present during the reminiscence during which he had remained very discreet. He appeared too soft to be Sfax’s son.
“I said you should trust her. She has great potential.” Erin repeated.
He turned his eyes to look at Malit who stood there, astounded. How could he dare giving him advice after only a few minutes of observation? “Subtle arrogance after all.” Malit thought. He was just about to retort when the music brutally stopped. Both brought their attention back to the center of the arena: a body laid on the ground, chest rising up and down very quickly, shallow breathing. The other person standing, it was Axia, blood still dripping in thin flow on her naked legs, the mutilated flesh revealing a red specter. She turned to face them again. She bent over again, a satisfied expression on her face, putting her bloody hands together; she raised them to shake them on her left, then on the right, as answering to an imaginary crowd. She stared directly at Erin, as if she could see through the glass…
“Really enough potential for a professional fight.”
That sentence was meant to be the last. Erin said it as he was breaking the visual link anchoring him to his Juminex. He turned his heels and left; in synchrony, Axia exited the arena. Malit sat heavily, his arms hanging, assimilating Erin’s last words with great difficulty.
#
The pastel colors spread in the center of space view. The planet would soon be harvested. Onboard the orbital station, Cantilte 1rt, Sfax, paired with Wunos, scrutinized the infinite emptiness opened in front of him.
“What are you thinking about?” Wunos asked. “You look mad.”
“My son. I left him with a task to accomplish. I trust him of course but you never know with those young minds, they don’t always know how to be firm.” A short wave of his clenched fist had illustrated his words. He turned to his colleague:
“Let’s forget about all this. We need to focus our visit’s purpose.”
He launched the 3D projection which quickly took an unfamiliar shape, unknown anatomy.
“They call themselves Rouinil. They speak a mix of very unfamiliar sounds, mostly intonation based. We were able to sketch out basic communication. The translators have already been updated,” Wunos explained.
“Perfect, what else? Any biologic, biochemical, motor elements?”
“We still have to deepen that data. We were hoping you could help with their psychology, which remains uncertain, passivity and aggression seem both present, but their uses are very subtle and different from ours. They also seem very lunatic.”
“That could be problematic. We would not want a slave changing its mind in the middle of a fight, stop fighting, would we?” Sfax said sarcastically, grinning, uncovering perfectly darted teeth.
“Yes indeed but the gene can most probably be identified and neutralized.”
“I know that. Alright, let’s see if this new race can become our new star of the arena.”
#
Sfax removed the translator buds from his ears to stuff them in his pocket. He sat in one of the passenger seats. They would soon be on their way back to System Three where they would meet the Icox. Sfax was personally responsible for presenting the newly acquired data. He anticipated the Icox would be content. The new race was full of promises.
His stomach complained in a painful twirl. It reminded him that he had yet to eat today. He still had to lead the autopsy though; maybe after then he could eat. The inspection of one of the creatures should not take that long; their characteristics had already been defined by the molecular scans. The physical study was routine, important only for future transplants as well as natural physical attributes enhancement.
The noise of compressed air whooshed behind him as Wunos stepped in. Sfax sighed getting up.
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dcyuelling reviewed Version 1 -
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The first paragraph was very informative. I like that you explain the Juminex theory because then I’m not wondering what the hell it is. This theory seems a little complicated though…lol…I had to read it a few times just to understand what it actually was. I like the part about the ‘twin soul’ because it’s one is lost without the other and that it’s lives on survival. At least that’s how I interpreted it.
‘He[‘d] never had the courage…’
‘could not’ ‘had not’ ‘did not’ – ‘couldn’t’ ‘hadn’t’ ‘didn’t’
’...his hands in his back…’ – how are his hands in his back? Behind I would see but not in. ’...his hands behind his back…’
“Hello Father. What are you doing here?” Erin asked. – Give us a tone. What was his tone with his father?
Sfax’s eyes enflamed for a second stopped Erin’s last words before they could cross his lips. - I am at a loss with this sentence. Sfax’s eyes enflamed? I don’t think that word exists. Inflamed, yes then I’d say okay. Inflame is to provoke or intensify – high fines further inflamed public feelings. I don’t think this word was used properly. If you want Sfax’s eyes to show fury or anger then say that. Suggestion: Sfax flicked him an inflamed look for a second, stopping Erin’s last words before they could cross his lips.
‘he had been’ ‘she had been’ – ‘he’d been’ ‘she’d been’
dragging it again[st] her own flesh
’...passivity and aggression seem both present…’ – Swap ‘seem’ and ‘both’ it’ll run smoother.
I’ve read an earlier chapter and found it was intriguing. I’m still completely interested because I don’t think I’ve ever read anything like it. I’m curious as to what is up with everyone. Erin is connected to Axia how? I’m sure if I read the previous chapter, I’ll know. There are some issues I stated above. I know you said not to quote but I was making some suggestions or corrections. I hope they help. Looking forward to reading more.
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FrakKevin reviewed Version 1 -
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I’ll keep my review short from now on. I like how you’re finally bringing all your characters together. Usually in the past when you introduced new technology or etc. I had a hard time understanding but I clearly the Juminex.
oknapp reviewed Version 1 -
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Even somone like myself who has kept up with this story needs a refresher course. Who are you referring to in the first and second paragraph Erin or sfax. You don’t say. Anew reader of it will be confused, so could you name who?
the souls to dissatisfaction, bringing it to survival rather than life. Do you mean “soul”? you use the word “it” meaning one rather than two. You might correct this.
He had always been looking for a deeper.. How about removing “being” it makes the sentence passive, and just writing. He was always looking for a deeper meaning.
“Black, darkness and music, electronic,” this needs to be made plainer. Black darkness and music, the electronic reveberations mingled with that of the cold, drowned out soltitude. something like this..
juxtaposing. What are the two comparisons in side her thoughts. Juxtaposing means to compare one thing with another. You might want ot simplfy
This story is intelligently written. There is a lot of scientific terms that i cannot grasp but then i am not a science buff. I do find it interesting that Axia has blood which means part of her is linked to the human race. The Juminex factor is intersting,too,i am waiting for you to eplain and build more on that subject. I will check out the next excerpt. I have made suggestions at the top. Good luck, Sandi
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