Poetry / The Destruction of the World (or, "That'll Teach Em!") (Analysis)

The first verse ends with an eye opening two thousand years. The ears perk up and we listen to the bitterness of the scorned. I wanted another word instead of rashly to work with the brevity that comes before in the second verse like They laughed. This is the end. They’ll regret. Rashly and foolishly could become simply So rash. So foolish.
I also couldn’t help but suspect regret might be shared after this rash and foolish response that will take the form of the earth blowing up.  Maybe one last verse with a hint of something that would be missed.

I have to say the death metal song info. really gave it a boost.  I think the first stanza is actually my favorite.  Good luck.
katep

Haha I like it. There is only one thing: “And the stasis pod is docked, and all charged up”. I’d say just get rid of one of the ands. Also, I wasn’t sure if you’d meant to have a rhyme scheme or not, but in any case, I like what you did with it!
I can picture the scene entirely from your words, good job!

Nice.  You made me laugh.

I love this line.   The detail of what exactly you’ll be doing when the world explodes is great.

I wonder what music is playing. It would be great if you could include some detail that would let us hear it.

“And once I’ve reached a vantage point
I’ll put on some tunes and smoke a joint
And watch chunks of Earth fly all over the freakin place”!

I like that you got motive, means and action all in one fairly short poem.

What is a stasis pod?  Perhaps I am just out of the loop when it comes to space travel, but other readers might be too.  Could you describe it more clearly?

Another verse describing the preparations you make to blow up the earth might be interesting.  I am also interested in Earth’s reaction. Are they aware that they are about to become smithereens?  Do they try to change the narrator’s mind with bribes, threats, etc?

What were the narrator’s demands?

Great poem.  I definitely see it as a heavy metal rock song.

April Galarza

the rhythm would have to be mad like the main character of this song,
is there a reason you picked that length of time for the stasis pod? “For at least the next few thousand years.”

I loved it.  I’m sure some have said they dislike some of the disjointedness but I thought it worked.  Of course I love the Ezra reference, but what thirty year old doesn’t.  Kind of reminded me of Space Odyssey.

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June 23, 2009

by kelmo

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By Ezra do you mean Ezra Pound? I’m no thirty-year-old so I guess I missed the reference.

June 23, 2009

by Platytee

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Ezra=pot.  thus the bands name “better than ezra”...

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This one was very entertaining. I really enjoyed reading it. I would love to see it flow a little more smoothly. The rhythm was off for me.

Okay, I get that this is an end of the world competition and blowing up the planet from a safe location in outer space certainly fits the bill for the poetry of world destruction.  However, as a poem, The Destruction of the World (or, “That’ll Teach Em), which is a neat title by the way, has some serious issues in terms of structure, rhyme scheme and over-reliance on cliche.  That said, given the playful tone of the work, the “mad scientist” cliches in verse II are funny and made me grin.  However, although there is a cadence to the work and line lengths and verse arrangement do follow a certain structure, both the meter and the rheyme scheme are erratic and often forced.  That’s not necessarilly a problem when striving for comic effect but it can be a problem if the reader doesn’t see the author’s intent there.  Still, it’s an entertaining piece and I wish you luck with it.

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June 23, 2009

by jadedpoet

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Howard, now be easy on her for she is new here and far from the master level you have attained.

June 23, 2009

by Howard_Bushart

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Aw shucks.  But I like the piece.

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Hmm… death metal song.  I’m not too familiar with the genera.  Was I supposed to laugh?

Hi Kristi,

This piece makes so much more sense arter I sat in the pilots seat and burned one. Nice job and see you og the return trip!

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June 25, 2009

by jadedpoet

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Kristi, you need to comment on those who review you. Of course no one told you that part. No one told me either. Gee, I can almost speeeel. me…

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