Kristi, you need to comment on those who review you. Of course no one told you that part. No one told me either. Gee, I can almost speeeel. me…
Poetry / The Destruction of the World (or, "That'll Teach Em!") (Analysis)
I'm doin it today.
I've had it up to here.
I've got the spaceship stocked.
And the stasis pod is docked, and all charged up
For at least the next few thousand years.
They laughed!
"Mad" and "evil" they called me!
My demands were never met.
This is the end! How they'll regret
Denying this genius so rashly, so foolishly.
I'll take the control unit
With me into outer space.
And once I've reached a vantage point
I'll put on some tunes and smoke a joint
And watch chunks of Earth fly all over the freakin place!
(22 June 2009)
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oknapp reviewed Version 1 -
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Had it up with what? Can you be more specific?
What are you doing today? Bombing the earth?
The readers see what you are going to do but don’t know why. I know it is a poem but it should be a little more informative. We don’t know what your demands were or why you are so pissed. We don’t even know what planet you are from or where you got the pot. As a poem, it is a bit ambiguous. It flows okay though. I would ask that you look at the things I have pointed out at the top. You could make it a little longer and answer some of my questions with the same rhyme scheme that you are using above. It is unusual to say the least. Oh and don’t you have any friends sharing the joint on the ship? That’s no fun. Sandi
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hovercraft reviewed Version 1 -
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HAH! Loved it. I hate to be crude in my review, but I absolutely love how your mad scientist just has a case of the “fuck its”. The complete disregard for anything else but revenge…this isn’t really something I would read, and I’m not too much into metal, but that’s just me. I can honestly say that this is perfect for what it is.
kelmo reviewed Version 1 -
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This is an interesting perspective for a poem. That said, I would like to get more into the head of this evil genius. Why does s/he want to blow up the world? It seems like there are feelings of resentment toward the people who mocked the protagonist, but I would like to see it go deeper. How could someone be so fed up with the entire human race that they are inclined destroy it all? I like what you brought up in your notes – the idea of what would happen afterward – and I would really like to see more of how the madman deals with what he’s done.
jadedpoet reviewed Version 1 -
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Hi Kristi,
This piece makes so much more sense arter I sat in the pilots seat and burned one. Nice job and see you og the return trip!
Howard_Bushart reviewed Version 1 -
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Okay, I get that this is an end of the world competition and blowing up the planet from a safe location in outer space certainly fits the bill for the poetry of world destruction. However, as a poem, The Destruction of the World (or, “That’ll Teach Em), which is a neat title by the way, has some serious issues in terms of structure, rhyme scheme and over-reliance on cliche. That said, given the playful tone of the work, the “mad scientist” cliches in verse II are funny and made me grin. However, although there is a cadence to the work and line lengths and verse arrangement do follow a certain structure, both the meter and the rheyme scheme are erratic and often forced. That’s not necessarilly a problem when striving for comic effect but it can be a problem if the reader doesn’t see the author’s intent there. Still, it’s an entertaining piece and I wish you luck with it.
lovelee1313 reviewed Version 1 -
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This one was very entertaining. I really enjoyed reading it. I would love to see it flow a little more smoothly. The rhythm was off for me.
Platytee reviewed Version 1 -
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I loved it. I’m sure some have said they dislike some of the disjointedness but I thought it worked. Of course I love the Ezra reference, but what thirty year old doesn’t. Kind of reminded me of Space Odyssey.
black313 reviewed Version 1 -
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the rhythm would have to be mad like the main character of this song,
is there a reason you picked that length of time for the stasis pod? “For at least the next few thousand years.”
AprilWriter reviewed Version 1 -
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Nice. You made me laugh.
I love this line. The detail of what exactly you’ll be doing when the world explodes is great.
I wonder what music is playing. It would be great if you could include some detail that would let us hear it.
“And once I’ve reached a vantage point
I’ll put on some tunes and smoke a joint
And watch chunks of Earth fly all over the freakin place”!
I like that you got motive, means and action all in one fairly short poem.
What is a stasis pod? Perhaps I am just out of the loop when it comes to space travel, but other readers might be too. Could you describe it more clearly?
Another verse describing the preparations you make to blow up the earth might be interesting. I am also interested in Earth’s reaction. Are they aware that they are about to become smithereens? Do they try to change the narrator’s mind with bribes, threats, etc?
What were the narrator’s demands?
Great poem. I definitely see it as a heavy metal rock song.
April Galarza
Emalie reviewed Version 1 -
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Haha I like it. There is only one thing: “And the stasis pod is docked, and all charged up”. I’d say just get rid of one of the ands. Also, I wasn’t sure if you’d meant to have a rhyme scheme or not, but in any case, I like what you did with it!
I can picture the scene entirely from your words, good job!
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