Novel Treatments / The Verse (Analysis)
Chapter One
The Pilot
Ship outer galaxies Present
Brian takes with him only those who can lend a helping hand like his pilot Mikael, his engineer Alexander, medic Jessica, and gun hand Karena. This is the crew of the little very mediocre vessel that has traveled so far already. We finally get caught Brian thinks as he looks out of the observation room into the deep. An American ship was hot on their tail probably ready to blow them out of the Verse. But then they couldn't salvage Brians ship and send his crew into the slave trade. But he couldn't blame them for their anger. He was in American territory that was restricted for all except American vessels. If they catch us we will die he thinks of the obvious and decides to see how Mikael is handling his baby. He walks out of the observation room and continues to the stairs in the hull. His ship may be small but it had more then ten rooms and several secret compartments. Hell Brian still finds them every now and then. He can see Mikael at the helm as he enters the Control room. He is the best Pilot the Verse has seen. Too bad they have no weapons attached to the ship. But of course Captain Brian hates having guns. It brings to much attention to him and his own. His face is lite a dark blue from the distant stars shining in from the from shield. He shows no fear on the outside but is scared to death under neath his skin. No one wants to captured by either armies. But he's a warrior and can never show weakness.
“Hows she doin Mikael?” The ship is hit with an explosion shaking it gently swaying the two from left to right.
Mikael keeps his eyes glued to the monitors and front shield. “Deluxe Bri the front rotors shot, our left wing is on fire and we have no stability.” Mikael was great under pressure. It was an admirable trait that he and Brian shared. The ship jerks a hard right barely missing a lone asteroid. It passes them and hits the U.S. Ship on its wing. Hardly enough to leave a dent on the massive rig. Brian has to grab on the back of Mikael's seat in order to keep from falling.
Alexander enters the room eating an apple fully confident that he will survive this. “The damn U.S. All ways tryin to send my ass off to the gallows.” He is all ways smug and thinking of what he will do after his life is threatened. It is why Brian had hired him to keep his Ship a drift.
Brian turns to him. “They dont know you exist” All though he may be a bad fighter Alexander is a big rugged man who would kill for mere pennies. And not a bad Mechanic. He looks at Brian with a grin on his face as usual. Brian turns his attention away from Alexander. He leans against the pilots chair and peers out the ship at the explosions. “Now put us down or ill put you down.” He tells Mikael as they come to a planet in the distance. He glances at the navigation screen wanting to find out where they are exactly. The screen is blank, its shot.
Sympathy 5035
Flashback
The crew land on Sympathy, a gambling planet filled with wretches and thieves. It was a desert planet used for nothing but when the U.S. Had taken over this galaxy they saw profit in the hot dry planet. Its name gives false hope for there is no sympathy on this hell hole. Brian and Alexander stand in the spacious warehouse that is lite brightly by the several florescent lights on the ceiling and the sunlight coming in from the open hatch. They are awaiting for Jessica and Karena to return from their rooms with weapons nothing big just a couple of pistols in case they run into any trouble which seems to happen all the time. The last time they were here Alexander was almost lost. He had robed the wrong man and paid for it with a couple of broken bones. He had gotten off light.
“We get supplies and leave thats it” Brian tells Alexander knowing that he has plans to drop some capitol during their stay at the slots.
Alexander looks out at the hot planet. No green is visible on this desert planet. Only sand and tumble weeds, not even a cactus or two. A local walks into the ship, a daring move considered theres no law here. And he normally would be shot down for trespassing.
“You boys lost? This is Dignas territory” The burly man says hand on his holstered pistol
“Just stopped for some supplies then we'll be out of your hair soon enough.” Brian says to the man a calmly as he could. Don't make me kill you He thinks as he finishes his sentence.
“Why Don't you just port down at the south docks. Thats neutral ground” Brian can see
Alexander as he moves his jacket showing his two pistols and looks at the mans eyes. “There is no such thing as neutral grounds” Brian gives Alexander a doubtful look. Don't do this.
“Fine you got four hours. Then if your still here we burn your ship and take your cargo got it.”
“As long as we can get what we need” Alexander takes his arm off his gun letting his jacket fall over it again. The man turns and leaves the two alone. Brian waits for him to be out of sight before he can let lose on Alexander. “What in Hades was that Alex?” He shoves Alexander angry at what transpired.
“He was gonna make us port at the south end of the docks.”
“So?”
“That would have taken half the day away and I'm not lookin to be behind schedule again.” He had a good point.
“Fine then. Me and you will go to town alone while the girls prep the ship. Four hours is nearly enough to resupply and take off.”
Ship outer galaxies Present
Present Time
Karena sits at the big round table made of alkeranium a metal found on the planet Stazium. (The whole ship is made of it. Cheap and durable.) The ship shakes violently as its hit with an explosion more closer to the hull. Karenas hair is a dark brown and is kept up in a pony tail. She hates her hair getting in the way of her eye sight. It makes it harder to shoot a moving target. Especially one that shoots back. “That robed freak better not kill us.” She says to Jessica a upbeat blond who has no worry of the need to shoot at anything. Her skin is a dark tan all though she all most never leaves the ship. She is a natural beauty. It made Karena jealous of her at times.
“I think hes a good pilot I wouldn't have made it through that tremendous battle. Did you see that one cruiser ship kamikaze the goods ship.” She pops open a cola, its her favorite drink. As usual she jumps in to defend Mikael. Karena smiles remembering that great battle they just got out of moments ago.“Yeah that was pretty daunting.”
The ship shakes even more and a couple of dishes fall to the floor not breaking. Brian had learned to use plastic dishes one his first tour as a captain. “Anything to keep supplies away from the enemy thats the governments way.” Karena loved having Jessica to talk to. It helped her remember that she was not the only female in the verse. They smile then the ship jumps from side to side as its hit with a missile all most directly where they sit in the Mess hall. Karena is sent flying out of the Mess Hall into the hall way leading to the control room. She lands with a hard smack on her head ultimately knocking her out for a couple of seconds. The next thing she sees is the ceiling of the hallway and can barely hear.
“Kar” There is a ringing in her ears. She looks left, the wall is moving back and forth “Karena you” She looks right that wall is doing the same. “Karena you ok” She shakes her head and sees two Jessica's slowly become one. Her hearing grows more clear and the ringing stops. “Karena you ok?” Karena stands up slowly holding her head as she remembers where she is and what happened. Oh yea explosion She looks down the long hall way towards the control room. Dozens of far away stars are visible from where she is. “I'm gonna kill him” She runs down the hall.
Jessica yells “Karena no!” She follows her to the dark control room.
As they enter the control room Brian turns to them. “One of the ships followed us were gonna crash land and hope there not crazy enough to follow.” Thats a crazy plan that could kill us all, but what else can we do?
Karena stands besides Brian and stares out the ship at the asteroids and explosions that are way to close for comfort. Mikael navigates the ship from left to right barely missing each asteroid and all Karena can think as they pass one is the next one. Soon a bright planet filled with forest comes into view as Mikael points the nose of the ship down. The ship gets hit a couple of times with a mixture of missiles and small asteroids. The ground comes into view and grows rapidly. Another hit and we may not get to land at all.
Mikael shouts adrenaline pumping through his body. “Everyone grab something!”
The ship lands in the middle of the forest with a hard bounce and slides for a while. Branches hit the front shield over and over again. The shield starts to crack and the branches hit more and more. Every one jumps back ready for the worst except Mikael. He is to worried about the ship in order to think of him self. They are getting deeper into the forest. One of the branches finally breaks the shield and pierces Mikael right into his left shoulder pinning him to his seat. The ship has come to a stop. Jessica looks at Mikael and rushes to him. His blood is flowing down the back of the seat onto the floor making a small red pool. She whispers “Oh God” Then she says to the rest of them “We need to get him in the med bay.” She turns to the others impatient “Now!”
Sympathy 5035
Flashback
Brian and Alexander walk to the markets in a hurry to get off this rock before their four hours are up. Its not that Brian is afraid of the Dignas. They have faced bigger and better then a small time gang. No the reason he wants to leave before the dead line is because Brian and his crew have to stay incognito and away from the governments. If they knew what the crew was up to they'd fry.
“First off we need fuel, and water and fo”
Alexander interrupts him. “And a pilot. I'm tired of flying that piece of drivel Bri.”
He looks at Alexander frustrated “And we need”
A merchant cuts him off “Need a monkey its mighty reliable?”
They keep walking. Alexander looks at the monkey as they walk away. “Will I ever get to finish a sen”
Then before Brian could finish a man dressed in a white robe and a red cloth belt is literally thrown out of a casino right in front of them. He stares up at the confused faces of Alexander and Brian. And says to answer the question that they didn't need to ask him. “I'm good with math and probability.”
“I'll bet.” He can't help but grin
They help Mikael up. “What is your name friend?” Alexander ask.
“Its Mikael”
Alexander looks him over “Whats with the get up?”
Brian ask Mikael before he could answer “You've any talents other then gambling?”
“I know my way around a ship.” Mikael begins to dust himself off. He is a slender man with hair down to his shoulders. His robe is a bright white and even though he was just laying in dirt compliments of the casinos bouncer His robe is as clean as it could get. He had a red belt tied around his waist and his shoes were made of cloth instead of the popular leather. Brian looks him over
“Can you fly Mikael? Or are you just a great clothing designer?” He ask sarcastically
“Yes I am an experienced pilot. I flew from Kettle to here in a days time”
I'm not concerned with small trips around planet boy “Have you ever flown threw a doorway before?”
Ship on Bends Present
Looking in through the window at Mikael as he rest Jessica stands by Brian. She is still calming down from the episode earlier. The only light is coming from the Medical room since it ran on a different generator. The main generator was broken during the crash. Go figure
“Hes gonna be Ok it barely missed an artery.” She looks at Brian. Half his face is hidden in the darkness of the Med Bay. He crosses his arms and replies
“Good Skom are good people I'd hate for the last of his kind to be wiped out on my watch.”
Wait what? She vocalizes her question. “Whats a Sknom?”
Brian replies still keeping his eyes on Mikael “They were a pacifist breed they just gave their planet to the Germans in hope to avoid conflict. When the U.S. Caught up though there was a major war.”
Oh no A chill runs down her back as she comes to realization. “They wiped them all out.”
Brian replies “Those damn ass wholes just racked it up to collateral damage.” He turns and puts his hand on her shoulder. A effort to comfort her in this time of need. “Now I need you in the hull we gotta fix this heap up.”
Alexander picks up a couple of branches that lay on the face of the ship and carries them to the edge of the ship and drops them off. “Well I just get to repair the windshield that I didn't break where does this get fair.” He grabs another branch the shield is becoming visible now under the stack of thick pieces of trees.
“Who you talkin to?”
Alexander turns to see Karena standing behind him on the ground looking up at him. Embarrassed He studiers and thinks on his feet. “W-Well um” He looks around. His face is as red as a ripe strawberry. “I was talking to that” He sees a snake slithering on a tree by the ship. “That snake. Yea the snake.” His smile becomes a frown as he remembers his Ophidiophobia and shouts at the top of his voice “Wait Snake!” He runs to the edge and leaps off the ten foot high nose of the ship. He lands on his feet and dashes towards Karena.
She smiles “Really... a big bad who is the so- called the governments worst nightmare is afraid of snakes.” No one really knows much about Alexanders fears. He is too proud to share them.
Alexander backs up and tugs on his shirt trying to hide the immense fear he has inside. “I'm not afraid I just don't like them thats all.” His hands are still shaking.
Mikael walks up behind them wearing a smile on his face. Nothing like almost dying to pick up your spirits. The bright sun doesn't help with looking at him. Anyone would have to squint at his bright robe. “Your afraid you wimp.”
Alexander turns to him angry now at the repeated taunting.“No I'm not” He takes a step away from the two “Fine forget you.” He turns to leave. After a couple of steps he turns around and says “Oh an I was gonna fix this mess you made but now you can forget it.” He finally walks away making sure he had the last word. Damn idiots
Karena calls “Come on Alex his arm is in a sling”
Mikael stops her “No let him go.” He looks at Karena. “We can do it.”
They turn and head to the pile of boxes used as stairs to get on the front of the ship. Karena hops on and helps Mikael up. They start to fix the shield now that most the branches have been moved aside.
“Jessica was scared for you” Karena says wanting to converse instead of working in silence.
Mikael replies “As I would be for her.” He looks at Karena “Or you”
Karena stops working on the shield and tells Mikael sounding more serious then she was. “Well don't expect the same from me your my fellow crew member and thats it.”
Mikael smiles “Thats it huh?”
Climbing the ladder that leads to the engine room Brian thinks Who the hell puts the engine room on top the ship. Most captains had to build their own ship in order to captain it but Brian got lucky and stumbled on this one. He opens the hatch and looks in. Alexander is fiddling with the massive engine. He turns to see Brians head popped in the small space.
“This engine done Bri” He tosses his wrench to the ground “its thrashed we need a new one its tore its ruined its broke its”
Brian interrupts him tired of his annoying tantrums. “I got it. Damn man don't you ever just shut up. Now fix it we need this running in order to jump galaxies.”
Alexander stands up and ask Brian “How do you propose we do that. With high hopes and wishes?”
Brian looks at Alexander and smiles.
A couple of hours later and Jessica and Karena stand on top the ship half naked revealing their stomaches and most their legs. The plan is to have them flag down a passing ship and the men sneak on board as the girls distract the captain.
Jessica says “Why do we have to do this?” She is in cut off jeans and a white tank that is tied at the bottom.
Alexander laughs “Because I left my high heels back home.”
This ship better get here soon Brian had a headache and didn't feel like hearing the others bicker over nothing.
“These are your clothes.”Karena is wearing skin tight pants and a very low v neck shirt revealing more then she would like to.
Jessica ask “Why is that?”
Alexander replies “I like to play games with my company.”
Mikael says “Your sick bro.” He is sitting on a log by the three other guys.
“Every one be quiet thats an order.” Brian has had enough. Sometimes it feels like he's just their babysitter. More Hours go by.
Alexander says “And thats the first time I got crabs.”
Mikael sits up abruptly “Good God man dont you ever shut up?”
Jessica says excitedly “Hey some ones coming!”
A small filthy ship lowers from the sky slowly. It carries a bad essence with it. Everyone can feel it, Its like they can feel death was coming towards them instead of a cruiser ship. As the ship comes to a stop a massive man steps out and several others follow. The first one seems to be the captain. He is a tall big guy who looks like he hasn't bathed in years.
Karena sighs “Damn inbreds.”
They walk to her. Jessica watches the guys sneak on board.
The Captain ask “You girls need any help?” His men all as hideous as he is. They circle the girls surrounding them.
Jessica plays with her hair and stands as if in a pose. “Well we were flyin and out of no where poof here we are. Can you please helps us?”
The Captain smiles revealing his decayed yellow teeth. “I think we can.” The group of followers pull out their guns and aim them at the girls.
“Whats this?” Karena ask keeping her cool.
“You are ours now” He pushes Karena forwards “Now move” He grabs Jessica's ass, she turns and tries to punch him but he catches her fist with ease. “Get along sweet thing”
The two girls are marched into a long dark hallway once they enter the ship. You can smell a thick crimson smell, The air is dry and they can see nothing at all. The captain stops them and a loud clinking sound begins. Slowly light comes in the narrow hall from ground up. A giant door is opening revealing a ton of grotesque men all mis figured and none looking anymore an animal than a human. One has a huge lump on his back taking away his chest, another has an arm missing, and several others have different things either missing or not where they belong. The captain shoves them forward and they enter the hull surrounded. All eyes are on them as they slowly walk to the center of the room. The captain grabs Jessica and puts her back to a long post and ties her to it tightly. He repeats the procedure with Karena. After getting them tied up he climbs up a ladder leaning on the far wall and addresses his crew. “Hey crew we found some pretty lassies for you now what do you say?”
The crew say in unison “Thank you pa!”
Karena turns her head away from them so that only Jessica can hear her “Shit”
Jessica ask scared “What?”
“Their Pirates”
“What will they do to us?”
“I dont know starve us, rape and torture us for the hell of it.”
A nasty Pirates limps his way to Jessica “What say you pretty little thing.” He is the one with the big lump on his back. Now closer you can see his rotten teeth even worse then the captains.
Jessica yells “I say you best get your hunch back ass away from me or you dine in hades.”
The Pirate laughs and leans over to Jessica. Karena kicks him connecting the toe of her shoe with the tip of his nose. Her falls back dead. Blood flows out of his eye lids. The room grows deadly silent.
“Oh you shouldn't have done that.” Jessica tells Karena as she watches the Pirates inch to them all angry. She starts to wiggle around trying to get lose.
“An let him touch you?” Karena is as calm as shes ever been. Its the warrior in her.
“Good point.”
The Pirates circle the girls infuriated. The captain steps forward “You've no right! Who do you think you are!”
Then the sound of a shotgun being cocked echoes through the hull. Every one turns around and sees Alexander standing by all the guns holding his twelve gage. “They think there wit me.” He says with the gun pointed at the captain.
“You dare mock me in my SHIP WITH MY CREW you be a dead fool!” He steps forward and Alexander shots him in the chest. He falls face first. The Pirates look at Alexander. Filled with hatred one of them rushes Alexander and he's shot in the temple of his head. The Pirates look up at Brian who is holding a rifle he had picked up from the pile. “Plenty more of us in here”
The pirates think over their situation. “We're sorry... hey have the ship we're getting off.” They run to the door way and jump out twenty feet in the air going one fifty.
Brian unties the girls. “Happy to see us.” He gets Jessica untied and she hugs him instantly.
“Thank you Thank you Thank you.” A feeling of relief over comes her as she embraces him.
Karena rubs her wrist as shes freed “What took so long?”
Alexander walks to them “ Thank him? I'm the one who shot the captain.”
Brian turns to Karena “Mikeals flyin this ship to town we'll sell this and buy new parts.”
Jessica ask “What if we dont get a buyer?”
Brian walks to the control room. “We burn it” he says without stopping.
Alexander smiles “Thats what im talkin about”
They get to the docks several minutes later. Mikael and Brian left to buy what they need in town while Jessica, Karena, and Alexander try to sell the ship.
“We got a beautiful ship here for sell its only worth pennies” Alexander shouts out to the crowd of people walking by. Jessica and Karena are sitting in the shade waiting for their turn to bargain the potentials.
A merchant walks up “Ill take it heres three pennies.”
Alexander laughs lightly. “Its not really worth pennies”
“you said it there for its true thats U.S. Rule.” The Merchant is a short guy wearing old filthy rags and hasn't shaved in days by the look of it. Like any other local he is willing to exploit the the meaningless laws of the U.S.
Alexander pokes the merchants chest “Well Fu” Then a led pipe sticks him on the back of his head. It is the last thing he sees.
“Heres fifty capitol” Mikael gives the hairy merchant the last of their money as Brian loads up the cooling compressor into their new mule.
“You sure you want to pay for this. Its a piece of drivel” The Merchant ask Mikael.
“I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.” Mikael turns to the mule. He is all ways the one to negotiate prices. Seeing that most people just can't lie to him with out him catching it.
“Any more?” Brian ask Mikael as they get on the mule. Its a bulky four wheeled dark green motor bike. Good for hiding and getting out of a hairy situation is a hurry. Plus it has a trailers it pulls that can carry up to six people.
“No thats the last of it”
“We need to eat some time this month you do know that?”
“An we need to fly. Look I'll land us on a gambling planet soon and make us some capitol ok”
“Well it better be soon.” They get to the docks entrance and have to part with their mule and supplies so that the security can check it out.
“What number are you at sir?” A pimply faced local teen ask Brian as he fills out paperwork
“Seven green”
“We'll have it there in a couple” He hops on the mule and drives it into the garage for inspection.
Brian and Mikael begin walking back to the ship.
Mikael notices a crowd. “Whats going on over there?”
Brian looks up from the ground. Sweat is dripping from his face already from the massive heat the sun lets off on this small planet. A couple of people move around in the crowd and they see Jessica and Karena being held back while Alexander is on the ground and a man is standing over him with a led pipe. “Oh shit” They start running to the ship.
Mikael gets there first. “Whats going on here?”
An average sized man named Tom stands over Alexander.
Tom looks at Mikael “Your friend here owes me some money.”
Brian arrives out of breath. “H h h h hey wha whats goin on here?”
“Alex is a dead man!” He lifts his pipe high above his head ready to deliver the final blow to Alexanders skull insuring his fate.
“Wait how much does he owe you?” Mikael ask thinking of how to get his friend out of this mess.
Tom stops in mid swing and looks at Mikael “Two thousand”
Brian turns “Ah shit.”
Mikael points at the ship they just got. “What of this ship. Its mighty fine you can have it just let him go.”
Tom looks at the ship. “Its a fine ship.” He sighs “Fine. But what of my mental anguish?”
Without hesitation Brian says “Take the leg.” and with a sadistic grin Tom swings for the fences. The pipe lands with a loud crack. The leg is broken easily and awakes Alexander from his slumber.
Sympathy 5035
Flashback
Peering out at the crowd below her Karena searches for a familiar face.
“Will you get down from there?” Jessica calls from the entrance of the ship.
Karena looks down at Jessica “Sorry I thought I say someone”
Jessica looks around “You think he'll be on this junk planet?”
Karena walks to the edge of the ship”No but one can wish.”
She jumps down and lands on Jessica. They both fall down as she lands. As Jessica gets up she sees Mikaels face looking down at her.
“Need help mam?” He gives her his hand to help her up.
She takes his hand and he lifts her to her feet. She looks at him as he walks into the ship.
”Whos he”
Brian walks up behind her carrying a bag of supplies over his shoulder. “Our new Pilot”
She looks back at Mikael and smiles”Shiny”
Bends Present
“God damn you Brian you let him do this to me you did!” Alexander touches his bent leg and screams The crew are on the mule and racing to the Ship so that Jessica can fix Alexanders leg up and they can take off of this unforgiving planet.
“I had too he was gonna take some of our money.”
Alexander gets madder than ever “your money your money! What the hell my leg is worth less than your money.”
Brian turns away from him “I gave away a perfect ship for you to be alive dont make it be for nothin.”
Jessica tells Brian “Its pretty bad hes gonna be off his feet for a while.”
Alexander starts to get scared and grabs Mikael's robe “Off my feet man I love my feet please dont take the feet dock please dont.”
Karena says annoyed “She means your gonna be on crutches.”
The ship is in view now. Karena slows the mule as they approach it. Soon enough they have stopped and Brian along with Jessica grab the new parts and run onto the ship. Mikael and Karena carry Alexander on board.
Mikael ask as he grabs one of Alexanders shoulders “So what you doin tonight?”
Alexander says “Well I'm gonna clean my guns why you wanna help?”
Karena laughs lightly “I think he was talkin to me.”
“Oh I knew that.”
Karena looks at Mikael as they lug Alexander into the sip. “You notice that Jessica really likes you.”
Alexander replies “No I haven't.”
They stop and Mikael and Karena stare at Alexander. “Fine if your not gonna talk to me then just put me down.”
They do and walk away Mikael says “Jessica's a good girl but shes corrupt in the heart.”
And from behind them Alexander calls “Guys I didn't mean it!”
Karena ask “What do you mean corrupt in the heart. Shes the nicest girl I know.”
From far behind them “Guys!”
“Thats what they made her to be.”
Karena looks at Mikael “Who”
Mikael looks up as if he changed “Who what?”
“How long?” Brian ask Jessica who has the second most experience with engines in the ship.
“Not too long”
Brian ask more directly “How about an eta better then not too long.”
Jessica stops and looks at Brian “Walk to the control room and it'll be fixed by then.”
“Thats what I like to hear.” Brian turns to leave.
“Hey Brian”
He stops keeping his eyes forward “Yea”
“Why do we keep away from the armies? Its not illegal to look for doorways.”
Brian leaves with no answer.
Sympathy 5035
Flashback
“So whats with the get up?” Brian ask Mikael as they prepare for take off. Rain fall is landing on the nose of the ship. The sky is a mellow blue not to bright but not to dark.
Mikael presses a couple of buttons. “Its my peoples clothing.” He looks up at Brian “I'm Sknom”
Brian gives Mikael a doubtful look. “I thought Sknom were no more?”
Mikael continues to press dials and levers. “We were. Well I'm the last.”
Brian ask “What happened?”
Mikael looks at him for a while. “I dont know.”
Brian gets back to business “I've no need for a pacifist on this ship sknom why should I keep you here while I can fly?”
Mikael looks at him confidently. “Ah but can you fly like me. Ive ran from the Germans and got away four times”
The ship lifts and heads towards the stars. Brian says “Fine we'll keep you but do know this we are not peaceful people.”
Mikael leans back and closes his eyes. “Refuge thats all I want. Maybe a new scenery will help.”
Ship on Bends Present
Karena walks into the control room and sees Brian prepping the ship for take off “We need to talk.”
Brian turns around. “I'm a little busy.”
Karena turns to leave. Brian yells back at her “An get Mikael up here. Time he does his job.”
A few moments later Mikael enters. “Ready Bri”
“Where were you?”
Mikael answers “Nowhere”
The fly away.
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all ways . Do you mean always?
What supplies did the get from the deserted planet? Could you tell the reader.
Looking in through the window at Mikael as he rest Jessica , Needs a comma after rest.
They have trees in space? I never saw any on star trek. Perhaps you might re think this. But i guess you can do anything with fiction.
“Jessica yells” ..you must use comma before dialog starts. Go through this piece and check to make sure to add one. Example. Jessica yells, Jessica said, etc.
You talk about the galaxy and planets but you never give a good description of it. You need to give the reader an idea where the ship is and what it looks like up there.
“ton of grotesque men” ..Very vague description. A ton is not professional writing. Grotesque can mean anything. I think maeshmallows are qrottesque. You need to tell the reader what these people looked like. Half animal doesn’t cut it. What animmal. They could like like donkeys for all the reader knows.
“You can smell a thick crimson smell.” Amother vague description. what does crminson smell like? It is a color. You need to find another description.
“Mikeals wrong spelling, needs a comma.
“I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.” this is a cliche. Find another description.
This is not a bad story. Your descriptions are good. Your structure however needs work, You might check for spelling errors and make sure to add commas before speech. You might add more action scenes and more descriptions of the places they visit( the planets) I like the idea of a and old ship they constantly have to work on. It gives the story some flavor. You could do alot more here with creatures. Make them scarier looking, have battles, etcc. I hope you good luck and i would be glad to look at revisions. Sandi
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