The rhyming was pure accident. It just came out that way.
Poetry / I AM LOVE (Analysis)
I am Love.
I was there the first time they met.
I was there when they shared a first kiss.
I was there when they walked in the rain.
I am Love, I remain.
I was there when they played in the snow.
I was there when they danced through the night.
I was there when they finally let me in.
I am Love, I remain.
I was there when they talked of the future.
I was there when they had their first fight.
I was there when they parted for a time.
I am Love, I remain.
I was there when they forgave and forgot.
I was there when they went to the church.
I was there when they exchanged the vows.
I am love, I remain.
I was there when the first child was born.
I was there when the second child came.
I was there for years as they grew.
I am Love, I remain.
I am here as the years slip away.
I am here as the passions slow down.
I am here as they age and grow old.
I am Love, I remain.
I’ll be there as they pass on to glory.
I’ll be there long after they’re gone.
I’ll be there to start a new story.
I am Love, I remain.
Jan 2008
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PoeticMisconceptions reviewed Version 3 -
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I read the poem, the last stanza being my favorite, since I could never find that poem you told me about.
I really do love rhyme, and this poem had very little. Nonetheless, the repitition was what made it for me.
I read your reviews on this poem as well, and they suggest cutting out some of the ‘I am love, I remain.’s. Oh jebus, please dont. Thats what makes this poem so strong. That is the pure symbolism of love. Durable. Ever-lasting. But Im sure you already know that.
The only critique I could put in was its smoothness. There wasnt much figurative language beyond the repitition, and the sentence structure was just so-so.
It cant top “To My Wife of 44 Years”,
But overall, I still like it.
:)
You have a fan.
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Fearless87 reviewed Version 3 -
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its almost not possible to fault this piece. the only thing i was a little unhappy about was how ur last verse. the first and third lines ended in perfect poetry and made so much cents yet none of the other versus did. its a shame. but still very good.
stefykg reviewed Version 3 -
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I wouldn’t mind the repetition if this were a song. However as a poem, the repetition makes the poem seem amateur and makes it almost a chore to finish. The story overall is cliche and I’m not sure if I’ve decided if that works or not. It has anything but depth but can put a “feel-good” attitude on the reader’s mind. Overall I have to say I think you could do better in expressing love. This seems childish or publishable for maybe a Hallmark card?
fizzgigger reviewed Version 3 -
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This poems simplicity show exactly how love is. It’s repetition of “I am love, I remain” is almost overdone, but to the point that it makes the point and give this piece the essence of love.
MistyMix reviewed Version 3 -
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Repetition doesn’t work, but it can. I’d say either cut the word length by half and/or use some sharper images. If you’re going to use love which is cliche to poetry anyway you need some new, fresh images or a different take. The repetition doesn’t help that at all. The last stanza is the best. Strong ending. Well done. I might just keep it, a beginning and maybe two in the middle with very strong images. Like instead of first child born make it stronger. I was there when baby one came screaming down the tunnel… okay, something better than that, but you get my meaning.
Eclectic_Angel reviewed Version 3 -
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I actually think the uneven meter works quite well.
I would suggest you rework the progression of the last few lines. The “I am here” and “I’ll be there” seem a bit rushed and don’t fit in with the rest of the poem – the poem stays in a set timeline for the most part of the poem then rushes to the now and then straight to the future – possibly replace with “I am there”. It should allow for the actions in the poem to dictate the timeline.
My last suggestion would be to change the last line to “I remain, I am Love” – would close off the poem much better (in my opinion).
LadyKat reviewed Version 3 -
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This is solid.
My suggestion to on this one would be to add another first in the fourth line and move ‘walked in the rain’ with the verse ‘played in the snow’.
Otherwise this poem flows smoothly.
LadyKat reviewed Version 2 -
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Do you mean ‘finally’ in this sentence? ‘I was there when they finely let me in.’
This is solid. The repetition is good. The progression could be tweeked a bit see suggestions below:
I would suggest putting another first in the fourth line and move the walk in the rain down with played in the snow.
This is the only spot I saw that needed smoothing.
blossom_art reviewed Version 1 -
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I really enjoyed the repetition of I am love, I remain! I felt that the repetition in using that line concretes the whole idea of “remaining” (if that makes sense) to me it felt that by using the line with repetition created a sense of ‘staying’ through good and bad times. You do have quite a few spelling errors that need rectifying but overall the concept of the piece itself is well written.. You do need to read your poem aloud so that you can figure out the flow as a few of your lines felt as though you were forcing the rhyme!
Would like to see an edited version.
SkyeRayven reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the idea of this, but it seems like the story is nearly faultless because the have “one fight” but I think this bothers me because my parents fought. But I love how you went through steps and repeated it. Good work. =]
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