Romance / Leah's New Life (working title) Ch 1, pt 1 (Analysis)
His teasing fingertips delicately traced lines on all of her exposed skin. They mocked her at the waistband of her panties, the cups of her bra – but never crossed those barriers. He was as careful and tender tonight as he was every night. All attention was on her: the curve of her elbow, the slender lines of her neck, her smooth, shapely calves. He was driving her mad and he knew it; a shudder ran up her spine and bowed her back. She saw him grinning though the rest of his face was covered in shadow. Leah wanted to beg him to give it to her; she couldn’t be any more in need than she was. She could only use her eyes and hands to plead, the only sounds emerging from her throat were moans and sighs of pleasure. She thrust her hips up to meet him and he pulled back, the impish smile returning. He loved how badly she wanted him – she loved wanting him that badly.
Finally, he let his fingers slid over the top of her panties and he expertly hit a spot that made her gasp. He’d begun to slide them down her thighs; she was wet with anticipation – she was finally going to feel him inside of her. Eagerly, she helped wriggle out of them. She had to hurry if she wanted it badly enough. Because another thing that he did every night –
Was to perfectly time it so that she would never get to feel him enter her. Leah slammed her hand down on the alarm clock. To say she was frustrated was to put it lightly. She lay there, trying to recapture the dream – the moment – but it was no use. The same as every other night, she was restless now. _I_ _need_ _a_ _vibrator_, she thought and immediate blushed at the idea. _Well_, _I’m_ _at_ _least_ _getting_ _a_ _massaging_ _shower_ _head_, she decided as she climbed in to take a cool bath.
Staring into her closet, she also decided it was time to go shopping. She’d just started her new life, and she deserved to treat herself to something. _Yeah_, _you’re_ _just_ _something_ _special_ _aren’t_ _you__?_ _Going_ _out_, _getting_ _some_ _new_ _fancy_ _clothes_. _It_ _ain’t_ _gonna_ _change_ _the_ _fact_ _that_ _you’re_ _a_ _hideous_ _bitch_. _Remember_ _when_ _you_ _were_ _skinny__?_ _Well_, _you_ _were_ _still_ _ugly_, _but_ _at_ _least_ _you_ _were_ _skinny_; _look_ _at_ _you_ _now_…No! She would not do this to herself. Finally mustering up every ounce of courage she had and leaving Rick was the best thing she’d ever done – right next to leaving her father’s house on the day of her eighteenth birthday.
_That’s_ _them_ _talking_, _that’s_ _not_ _my_ _thoughts_. _I_ _am_ _an_ _attractive_ _and_ _confident_ _person_; _I_ _am_ _an_ _attractive_ _and_ _confident_ _person_…and so went her mantra for the next five minutes in front of her bathroom mirror.
When she opened her eyes, she didn’t see a disgusting monster. In fact, she thought she might have seen a decent looking girl. Inspecting her features, she took note of her green eyes. People liked green eyes, didn’t they? Maybe hers were the wrong color green. They were almost pale, a very rare color she guessed. Couldn’t she have anything that just looked normal? All thoughts of putting on a tiny bit of make-up were erased. She pulled her hair back into a severe ponytail and quickly put on her thick, black-rimmed glasses to cover her eyes.
Back to the closet and she slid into the hiding comfort of a full-length, flower-print dress. Rain was really going to give her shit today. Leah wanted badly to make friends, she used to love being around people, but somewhere along the way, she’d forgotten how. That skill was replaced with a new one: hiding from friends until they eventually wrote her off, thus ensuring they’d never see the bruises. That’s also how she’d come to wear the reveal-nothing clothes; it wasn’t long before the covering clothes were a security blanket to her, a mechanism that made her seem unapproachable. For some reason though, Rain had taken to her.
Even when Leah’s lack of communication skills got in the way of good conversation, Rain just skipped right over it and went on talking about the next subject. Nothing about Leah deterred Rain, and Leah appreciated that more than the girl might ever know. Maybe, if she asked at the right moment, she could convince Rain to go shopping with her. After all, the girl was always on Leah about her wardrobe, declaring that Leah needed to _show_ _off_ _that_ _hot_-_body_ _while_ _ya_ _still_ _got_ _it_ _to_ _flaunt_! She was nice to her at work, but what made Leah think she was special enough that someone as outgoing as Rain would waste time with her? _Oh_ _well_, _it’s_ _worth_ _a_ _shot_. _I_ _can_ _survive_ _a_ _no_. _Maybe_.
By midday, on their lunch break at the check processing company, Leah had worked up the courage to ask.
“Rain?”
“Mmm?” the girl answered around a mouthful of her ham sandwich.
“Do you think you could do me a favor?”
She chewed and rolled her free hand, gesturing Leah to go on.
“Well, I’ve been saving a little money, and I want to go shopping. I was wondering if you’d help me pick put a couple of outfits?”
Rain let out an excited squeal, hurrying to swallow her food. “Oh my God! Yes! Of course I will. I mean…well, girl, you need some new clothes. I don’t even mean to be rude, I know I say it a lot, but it’s like you’re hiding in them.”
Leah tugged her cardigan tighter and smiled broadly.
“See? Like that! It’s not cold out here, why’re you bundling up in that sweater?” She raised an eyebrow, “Was it that bad? The relationship you just got out of? Is that what’s got you a mess like this?”
Leah shrugged, “Mostly, yeah. I mean, my dad treated me pretty bad, too, but I remember that I could be around people…it was like a few months after we were living together that I started…that I was just like…this.”
“Good lord girl! Well, yeah, we’ll go shopping – but I think we should do it in steps. Like, if I try to change your style overnight, you’ll be wearing this…this dress-thing, again by next week.”
Leah smiled, because she was worried that Rain might try to go overboard with it.
“But, you know what? My sister is a psychologist – and she happens to specialize in abuse victims. She’s won awards –“
“No, I can’t afford anything like that, Rain.”
“Well of course you can’t! Listen now, hear me out. I kind of suspected what you might’ve been through and talked to her, and she’s willing to see you pro bono,” she rushed her words out, afraid – and certain – that Leah would cut her off again soon, “Seriously, Leah. Her patients love her. I’ve met some of them, and let me tell you, you’d never know they were ever anything but strong, independent women.”
She so did not want to go to a shrink over this. Her self-help books were working. Really. Still, strong and independent appealed to Leah’s core needs and ultimate goals. She sighed and gave Rain a defeated, “Alright.”
“Really? Really? Om my gosh, I’m so excited for you! I seriously think she can help you. Before you know it, we’ll be out barhopping!” Half of Rain’s face was a grin.
“I don’t know about that, but it would be nice to make some friends again.” _And_ _it_ _would_ _be_ _great_ _to_ _actually_ _meet_ _a_ _good_ _man_. _I_ _guess_ _it’s_ _worth_ _a_ _shot_.
###
Rain’s sister was a damned good therapist. Leah had been seeing Tanya for less than two months and had advanced one giant step after another. And when there was nothing there to knock her back a step every time she made one? She grew the confidence to take more initiative, to try harder to make it over the next hurdle. Her and Rain were becoming very close, spending most of their free time together. Leah had forgotten what it was like to have a best friend. She felt like a teenager again.
She’d gotten a haircut; she wore light make-up and on Rain’s insistence had started wearing contacts. The compliments poured in – she did have pretty eyes. It was a good thing she just learned how to accept them; Tanya was convinced she would need to be able to take a compliment soon. She’d been dressing more stylish, but the nice words gave her the courage to go one up on both Tanya and Rain. She bought heels, a mini-skirt and a tight-fitting blouse that complimented her voluptuous breasts.
When Rain walked into their work area, her mouth went wide and for the first time ever, she had nothing to say. She looked Leah up and down and finally managed, “Holy shit!” as she circled her and nodded her utter approval.
“I’m ready to go out and have a few drinks after work,” Leah beamed.
Rained hopped up and down and clapped excitedly, ‘We are going to have so much fun! Oh!” She pulled out the shift-sheet, “look! Chris is manager tonight! He’ll let us leave early. You want to?”
Leah thought about it, those old familiar butterflies coming back, but was determined to have her life back. How could she call it a new life if she lived the way her ex had kept her? “Yes!” She wondered if her new optimism would attract a man.
Turns out, it attracted more than a few men, but none were of quality. That’s not to say it didn’t boost her ego. So, when Rain suggested ‘leaving this whole in the wall’ and going someplace ‘a bit classier’. Leah was game. She was having a good time and ready to have a better one. The two glasses of wine had her inhibitions down to a minimal.
“You’re having a sex on the beach when we get there!”
“I’m doing what?”
Rain laughed, “It’s a drink. When we get to Bacco’s, you’re gonna try one.”
Leah agreed in the spirit of the night, and turned the CD player up. The two girls sang along as loud as they could squeal.
She did begin to get nervous when she saw that Bacco’s was more than ‘a bit classier’ than the little bar. It was one of those velvet rope deals: stand in a line and then get judged by a bouncer – those cool enough got in, those wearing last-week’s fashions were rejected. When Rain walked right up to the front of the line and the bouncer smiled like the devil himself, winked at her and let them in, Leah was high on life in a way she could never remember being before.
They approached the bar and an attractive man offered to buy Leah a drink. Keeping control and using all the tools that Tanya had taught her, she smiled and said, “Sure, I’d love to have a sex on the beach.”
The man smiled, avoided all of the childish comments he could have made with the drinks name, and ordered it. Just then, the door-man waltzed up behind Rain and said, “I’m on my break. Wanna dance?”
“You know I do, Timmy, but you can see I’m here with my friend –“
“Don’t let me hold you up. Go, dance, have fun.”
“Are you sure?” Rain inspected her face.
Leah smiled, “Yes, I can handle this. I’m a big girl now, remember?”
Rain gave her a thankful grin, grabbed Timmy by the hand and they tucked away into the crowd.
The guy who bought Leah her drink, Randall, was nice enough; she just wasn’t that into him. He seemed interested in her, though, so she decided she could use the company and let him buy her another round. When he asked for her number, she did give it to him. She could entertain the idea of going on a date with him. When she saw Rain coming back, hair a tangled mess, she excused herself.
“Oh my God, Rain! What happened?”
Rain only met her eyes and smiled. Her skin had a sweaty sheen, but seem aglow at the same time. Leah’s eyebrows went up as she comprehended.
“Come on!” She grinned broadly as she dragged her friend to the Ladies room to help her get back to presentable. They walked in the door and went over to the vanity area – it was like a living room on the far side of the stalls – and she started digging in her purse for a comb. “Here, let me help you out, you slut,” she said as she started to comb out Rain’s hair.
“Damn right.”
“What? Oh, Rain, I wasn’t being mean, I was just –“
“Honey, I don’t care if you were – but I know you weren’t. It was incredible.”
Leah looked in the mirror and saw the dreamy gaze in her friend’s eyes, the flushed skin – the satisfaction that radiated from her. And for the rest of the night, that’s all she could think about. She went to bed with more desire to be ravaged like that than she’d ever felt before. It must have been seeing what that rapture could look like, but Leah wanted it. Badly.
Her dream-lover did not come to tease her with gentle strokes that night.
[End Part 1...Part 2 soon]
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Okay, it’s hard to make a well thought out critique without reading the rest of the story, but here goes:
This is moving either too quickly or too slowly. Do you want it to be a short story or a novel? I think you need to decide and then either elongate parts (like Leah going to the shrink) or shorten parts (like the dream sex scene).
There are some nit-picky grammar things – example Pg 1 she lied there, instead of she lay there – but I don’t want to take up all your credits pointing things like that out.
I think that we need to know a little more about the character (leah) and her issues before Rain does. Meaning – it’s sorta startling that all the sudden she is an abuse victim.
Who is she dreaming about?
It’s unrealistic that she’s never heard of sex on the beach. Unless she’s amish or mennonite or something.
I think this is going somewhere, and I’d like to read the rest.
Nice write.
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