Short Story / One Man Vs. The World (Analysis)
A lonely man walks down the desolate dirt path on yet another journey through this thing called "life". He carries his heart of gold on the sleeve of his sweat stained polo shirt and the weight of the world on his weather beaten shoulders. He can feel the pain of others as though it was inflicted on him. Who is this guy? no one really knows because he hides amongst the general world population secretly watching, waiting, and pondering the next good deed.
He walks and talks like everyone else when hes around everyone else, but get him alone and you will find the true inner workings of him. He has the mind of the most brilliant and brightest the world has to offer. He has the biggest most truth filled and love filled heart of gold anyone or anything has to offer. He walks proud, with pride, and tall like he's truely geniune. He has the soul that makes him fear no person, no thing, nothing, just like he's wearing some kind of shield, but even the best shield and best laid plans surcome to the reality and nature of the "beast".
This "beast" is massive on the biggest of scales. It doesnt discriminate or judge . Its power is uncontrollable and unmatched by anything man can dream of. What is this "beast" you may ask? This "beast" is the World. The world is full of some many different things and situations, some bad some good. So where does this one man fit into the equation?
One Man is trying to change the world. Wherever he may be or wherever his travels may take him he tries to leave the same impression the first time everytime. He helps the less fortunante even though he doesnt have much. He brings joy and happiness to those in dire need and situations. He helps how ever he possibly can. He knows no boundaries, extreme prejudices or stereotypes. He only knows how to help and how to love. He gives advice passionately to those who care to listen and he will help the confused understand life is all about chances so grab one and give it a shot.
One Man gives kindness and sweetness to all that want and deserve it. His task is hard some say even impossible, but in his mind one man is all it takes to change the world. Even with all the good , triumps , and rewards there still is the reality of the dark, bad, and unimaginable things. One Man has been through thick and thin, the darkest of days and the deepest of nights. Everytime he has fallen he just gets up and dusts off his favorite stonewashed sun bleached blue jeans, smiling and looking towards the heavens with a gleam in his eye. He keeps on going through the cycle of life and his quest of taming the "beast".
© 2009 One Man
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This is a lovely character piece and a good concept that leaves me wanting to know more about One Man – not just by the description of his qualities which you’ve done effectively but by putting him into events to see how those characteristics shine through; either through something that is about to happen to him or from something that has happened to him. Why is he lonely? Why is his heart filled with truth and love? Why does his soul not fear? What has inspired him to change the world? Can you show me this through events that have made him or events that are happening to him? In my opinion that would turn this from a character piece into a cracking story.
One small point for consideration – I noticed a few spelling errors and missing apostrophes. Also watch out for phrases such as ‘He walks proud, with pride…’ – if he’s walking proud then it’s generally assumed that he has pride.
Thank you for sharing your words and for letting me into your imagination.
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-“as though it was inflicted ” were instead of was
-“pondering the next good” his next
-“no one really knows” capitalize
-“when hes around ” apostrophe, he’s
-“though he doesnt” doesn’t
Ok, that’s five grammarish things, so the rest you can proofread yourself.
This sounds like a modern Jesus. I’m not sure if that’s what you wanted, but it does. I liked how you used cliches to your advantage and thought your descriptions were very thorough and well done. I liked the way you went from one thing to another and touched on how the world was in a state of destruction. I wish you could have been more specific about the types of things he did, instead of just saying, “oh he’s amazing” but it wasn’t that bad. Overall the writing is pretty good. Personally I didn’t like it, but that is not to do with your writing, I think it is just something I would not choose to read.
I think this has the potential to encourage others to be a little bit kinder in their daily lives. Good luck with it.
Mika
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