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Novel Treatments / Closure-In Response (Analysis)
Dear Kat, I received your letter today. I can’t believe I am even responding to this. I have married and moved on. The stuff you are talking about, I have long forgotten. I am not sure if I am sorry for how things have turned out with you or not. You may need to seek counseling to help you close this part of your life. I do not believe I missed anything, by not 'grabbing you up' at the time. I believe things worked out just the way they were supposed to. I remember that time you’re talking about, when I came back to Charlotte. I was not thinking at all that we would get back together. I thought, actually at that time that we were okay and that things were settled. I am not sure why you even thought that we would give 'us' another try. We were kids you know and things happen. I am sorry about what happened to you with your dad, again you should probably get therapy if you have not already. It sounds like you have not. You say that you have moved on, but I can’t see it. My wife wants to know why in the hell you even wrote that letter? This is so childish. Maybe you have become bitter and lonely and you have reached into your grab bag of memories, found me to beat up on and here we are. Well, that’s not going to work. I cared for you a lot when we were kids. You will always hold a special place in my heart, but you should let this go and stop holding yourself up. Since I am taking the time to write you, let me tell you what was on my mind. And believe me I have gotten over this, but I think you need to know you are not innocent here. Let me take you back to our 9th grade graduation when you decided that we could not work things out. Well you went on with your life and got pregnant, by someone else. This messed with my head for a while. I could have been his father. You were so selfish and took that a way from me. Remember I came to the hospital to see you. You acted distant. Yeah, I know that you didn’t invite me to come see you. My mom worked at the hospital where you had the baby. She told me that I ought to go see you. We were young, but I would not have left you with a baby. You ended up with some sorry guys after me on top of this. Not that I was keeping up with you, because I wasn’t. I would have been a good father. You had all boys, what a shame. I could have molded those boys into men. I wanted to be a part of your life at that moment when I saw you at the hospital, because that should have been my boy. You went on without me. So ‘can’ that mess about I was your protector, your provider, yeah right! You no longer needed me. Thank God you never got married. Poor guy wouldn’t have stood a chance with you. Your friends told me that you were doing your own thing, so what was the big deal? I have a brilliant son and beautiful daughter and a wonderful wife by my side. You seem to imply that I had given you some false hope several years ago, I disagree. You are trapped in a made up world of your own. Grow up, will you. You have hurt people too. I never sat down and wrote you a letter about it, but you hurt me. I refused to let that keep me from being happy and right now you sound very sad. Yes, that’s what you are, sad. This may not be the letter you wanted to get when you opened your mail box, but this is honestly what I needed to let you know since you brought it up. Jay
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AProphetForHope reviewed Version 1 -
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Jedikid129 reviewed Version 1 -
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I’m not sure if it’s intentional, but there isn’t a line break between ‘Dear Kat,’ and the body of the letter.
“We were kids you know and things happen.” Comma before ‘you’ and after ‘know’
“reached into your grab bag of memories, found me to beat up on and here we are.” comma after ‘on’
“I could have been his father. You were so selfish and took that a way from me.” away. Also, it seems like he wanted to be the dad, which strikes me as slightly strange coming from a sophomore.
I wonder why this and the first piece are separate? The sense of indignation and irritation at Kat’s letter would be much easier to understand if this were all one piece.
Also, there is a slight humorous aspect that is only caught when reading them both together. Jay’s letter reads like “I don’t care, but I’m responding to you!” A somewhat childish idea that by being silent and ignoring her claims it would make her feel like she’s right AND HE CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN SO EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN’T CARE WHAT SHE THINKS HE’S RESPONDING SO SHE DOESN’T THINK
SHE’S RIGHT…not that he cares.
And reading this piece makes me sense the a similar tone in Kat’s letter. “I’m over you BUT I HAVE TO LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I’M OVER YOU. EVEN THOUGH I SHOULDN’T FORGIVE YOU FOR ALL THE BAD THINGS YOU DID, I WILL, BUT LET ME LIST THEM OUT FOR YOU!”
Together, the letters read somewhat like an internet flame war, which is wonderful beneath the surface humor. Yet, it doesn’t take away from the serious aspect of the subjects they wrote about.
That aside, this piece also fills in some of the conveniently left out information in Kate’s letter regarding the pregnancy and and the fact that she had given up on the relationship, not the other way around, as her letter made it seem. So perhaps you should place them both in one article.
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oneshot92 reviewed Version 1 -
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I do not believe I missed anything, by not ‘grabbing you up’ at the time. – Lose the comma here. It’s not needed. Try using italics for these letters. It will help separate them from the rest.
selfish and took that a way from me. – ‘away’
First he states that he never considered getting back with her when she came back, then he says that he wanted to be with her and raise the boys. this doesn’t make sense.
Again, I’m not sure that I like the letters. This one was much easier to read than the first one, but I feel that they are too one sided and again, you really need to look at the grammar and sentence structure. This could flow much better.
Wondering_Hazel_Eyes reviewed Version 1 -
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Everything was great, but I was confused. Is this entire piece the letter or just part of it? You started out with “Dear Kat” and you never told me when or if she stopped writing the letter. I did love how your words were very strong and powerful throughout. The tone, to me, was piercing. I hope you will add on to this piece. I enjoyed reading it.
TerJa reviewed Version 1 -
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I’n not sure I’ll be telling you what you want ot know. but I’ll try.
Mecaniclay this would benifit by the use of paragraphs. Running everything toghether makes it read like stream-of-consisness.
The main character is hard toget a handle on. He keeps saying he has no interset and doesn’t care about Kat, and then goes on a rant that seems to suggest he can’t stop thinking about her.
THe tone drifts from compassion to insult and back. Something here makes me think of “Fatal Attraction.”
A couple of grammar and wording points -
“-—why you EVER thought-—”
“-—kids you know, and things--” Added comma
“--beat up on, and here we-—” Added comma
“Well, you went on with—” Added comma
“You were (so)(Omit) selfish and took that AWAY from me.” Rewrite
”—what IS the big deal?”
One last thing, people talk with a lot more cantradtions than they write with, but you might consider adding a few (contractions) as it sould a bit stiff in places.
Write on. I’ll be glad to read a rewrite.
oknapp reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow this is a man’s letter. It is a man’s voice and it is exactly how a man would respond. This is powerful and it shows just how differently men think. If this is fiction i have suggestions.
Okay here is the problem. I don’t know if this is fiction or not and i don’t feel i can edit anothers words. You have to let me know if this is his or your words. I am so caught uo in the man’s voice i cannot distinguish. Let me know and i will critique for free on my on time. But i have to know whose voice this is okay. Sandi
GraceWithInk reviewed Version 1 -
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I’m not sure how to give a letter a “novel treatment,” quite frankly.
It just seems like a rambling, resentful and intentionally hurtful written response to someone desperately seeking contact with the last person who gave her stability. It gives the impression of an email that was sent without the author “counting to ten” first. It is exceedingly reactionary.
If you are seeking advice as to whether this should really be sent? I say no – It is unnecessary and sadistic.
If you are asking if it is worth publishing within the confines of a novel? Well, the grammar and punctuation could use a good overhaul, but without the context of the story in which it would reside, I cannot say much more than that.
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