Poetry / Just Like an Artist (Analysis)

That is awesome.  Thanks again for every offer you made that has improved my writing and this poem.  I look at words differently now.  It is totally cool that you felt inspired to write alongside of me.  That is what this is all about to me, letting inspirations flow and not letting fear hold us back. Your review changed my day so it is magnificently better than it would have been.  Thanks again, BHD.  

We were one and it was so beautiful.  It was the poet-the artist-the poet…a full circle.
I wanted to continue but it would have eaten your credits!

I thank you kindly.  I’m worried now since you say you really didn’t understand the metaphor and how I applied it all to love just being a masterpiece as it is since it is really not an easy thing to come by?  If you want me to elaborate, I would be glad to?  I like your poem, “Goodnight, True Sailor”, as I read but did not review.  I think it is great just as it is, and the old fashioned tone is fitting for your longings you speak of.  Hopefully more later and thanks again.  B.

Ah, you saying that you were writing with the metaphor “love is a masterpiece” helps!  In that case I think I have a better understanding of where your metaphor is going, though I might suggest introducing the masterpiece before the artist; i.e., “Love is like a masterpiece/ Yet unfinished by an artist at work/ Creating with illustrious precision …” etc.  Does that help?  And don’t worry too much about changing what you have; remember any review is just another reader coming with a whole new reading!  Maybe everyone else in the world understood exactly what you were saying!! :)

Thanks Deadsage, very informative.  I actually did change “hand of might” to “steady hand and sight” and it sounds better.  I like midline rhymes personally, it adds some flair I feel.  I don’t know if this poem shows it really, but to me each poem has its own meter.  It is kind of like how Walt Whitman called his poems “Songs”, like “Song of Myself” was a poem he wrote.  Anyway, I feel that imperfect rhythms add to the poem by stopping at key words.  A poem is a song of sorts without music, not that music couldn’t be added with a bongo or two.  I mean poems are short, and compact, and come with feelings attached, so to ask the reader to shift their attention for a quick second is not asking too much I feel.  It is to their benefit I feel, to actually stop and ponder.  To get into all of the meter stuff, then you have to get into Sonnets and the like, something that my poetry is just not working with today.  Nowadays it seems like capitalizing and shifting lines are taboos.  Then again, when you read someone like E.E. Cummings, everything you have learned about punctuation seems put to the test?  What do you think?  Thanks again, you have been a huge help thorughout this poem, but I cannot post more revisions as it is time to move on.  B.

I hear that.  I love watching your poems evolve.  

ee cummings was a master of linebreaks and punctuation disturbances.  He used it to force the reader to be uneasy and follow on to the next line.  But this style was usually fluid throughout the whole poem and not just a couple lines in the middle.  

Poems should have music to them if that’s what the poet heard as he wrote it.  Mine often don’t as I usually have too much other noise in my head as I write.

-DS

Very nice and appreciated.  Thank you.  I commented about ‘meters and rhythms’ in the review just above yours in ‘Deadsage’.  Feel free to comment as well.  Thanks again, B.