Flash Fiction / The Shed
If we ever have a Category 5 hurricane, this flashlight will be useful. If we ever craft something steampunk, this lawn mower will be useful. If we ever own an elephant, this thick chain will be useful. If we ever build a playground, this monster truck tire will be useful. If we ever cook a turducken, this roasting pan will be useful. If we ever make our own strawberry wine, these molding corks will be useful. If we ever shrink, this stepstool will be useful. If we ever move to Rome, this pasta maker will be useful.
But we won’t. Let’s have a garage sale!
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Cute, but it needs more. As it stands right now, it’s good, but it’s more like a Whitman-esque poem than an actual story. I would cut down on the amount of items you list (but keep the lawnmower; the steampunk line is MONEY), then have the narrator give an additional line for each item saying what she or he was feeling or intending when they first bought the item. That would help bring a greater degree of emotion that the reader can connect to.
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While it’s cute, there’s no story here. It’s a neat list, but if you put it into a context, and introduce at least one character, you could actually have something worth publishing.
2 questions: Why do you need a cat 5 storm for the flashlight to be useful? Why do you need to be in Rome to make pasta?
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