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Poetry / I would never tell you this (Analysis)

I would never tell you this
I think about what you would say
About the things I hear and deal with everyday
I think you would tell me "I told you so"
That you know something I never saw
Before I knew my decision was wrong.
Maybe you were able to see
The sometimes awful things and ways he treats me.
He's never raised a hand to hurt me
But the words hurt just as much.

I would never tell you this
Even if it was the last chance I had
To tell you what's sat on my mind for so long
Because I would have to admit I was wrong.
I know you would just shake your head and say
"I told you so, you should have gone the other way".
And sometimes I wish I did but I didnt have a crystal ball
To tell me how much I would lose
To tell me I would still miss you.
It's not everyday I think about this
It's enough for me to know
I thought it would just go away
It didn't, I wish I knew what you would say

I would never tell you this
But things aren't perfect
That's what I was looking for in those days
I would never tell you this
Because I know you aren't there for me to tell.
The one person that would understand it all
Is living a life of his own.

I would never tell you this
I don't want you to see
The tears I hold back everyday
The dreams I have that tell me that I can't change
The path I took
Not that I would
I know it was my choice
I know it was right but not for me
I have my kids and they need a family.
You were stuck in the middle
Didn't have much of a say

I would never tell you this
But if it all fell apart
I would be looking for you
The one who stole my heart.
 

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MichaelF avatar General Stranger

May 05, 2009

MichaelF

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Dexus avatar General Stranger

May 04, 2009

Dexus Prolific-icon-medium

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dangerous86 avatar General Stranger

April 18, 2009

dangerous86

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Mrgreen avatar General Stranger

April 13, 2009

Mrgreen

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Mrgreen reviewed Version 1 - Read 50% of the Item

I feel like this is an excerpt from a journal and would be fitted better in that format. Poetry is about expressing oneself in a format that doesn’t usually fit the criteria for everyday writing (via a journal,letters,e.t.c). At least that’s my own personal experience. If you were to submit this as a journal entry, I would give it better reviews. You obviously have serious domestic issues that you are dealing with and I can relate to such things. Perhaps, if you want to make this a poem, go back and try to add some analogies, similes, e.t.c. Don’t be so blunt but make it a poem that would mean something not only for you, but would maybe tell a different story for another person who would happen upon it. Keep Writing.

clb_clark avatar General Stranger

April 11, 2009

clb_clark

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clb_clark reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Pretty good.  I like how you repeat the title in each stanza.  But, it seemed like you couldn’t decide whether or not you had a rhyme scheme.  Some lines would rhyme while others wouldn’t.  Just nit-picking.  Besides that I liked it.  Keep up the good work.

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writermommy avatar

writermommy

Age: 26
Loc: Louisville, KY
Gen: F
Last Login: April 17
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