“Cats,”said Big Fat Dave; he'd chosen his own nickname. “It was the cats that started it in this world.”
In the background of his channel's feed I saw Archibald, Big Fat Dave's big fat cat, stretch as if in agreement and then turn;upside down to offer his belly for scratching. Big Fat Dave complied.
He continued: “You know how cats will sit and watch something or someone crossing a room when you can see there's no one there. That 's them watching people on other reality channels. That's how we figured out how to do it. Scientists did a load of studies on cat's brains.”
“I doubt it.” Pink Dave scoffed. Pink Dave hadn't chosen his own nickname, and didn't like it. But these sorts of thing stick. The day we all first met Pink Dave had been wearing a pink shirt and tie. Big Fat Dave had taken the mickey – saying he looked like a slimy salesman. Since then we'd never seen Pink Dave in that particular shirt or tie.
Recently things hadn't been going so well for Pink Dave. We hadn't seen him in a shirt an tie at all for a while and he'd stopped shaving for so long that he was a better candidate for Bearded Dave than I was. Maybe he could be Bearded Dave when I was gone.
“It was those guys at CERN, right?” He looked to me and Not Dave for agreement. “You Daves have CERN in your worlds, don't you? Back in the noughties they build a machine they thought might end the world, but instead they discovered how to view the alternate reality channels.”
I wasn't keen to gang up on Big Fat Dave, who worshipped his cat slightly more than was healthy. Or maybe they just had some Ancient Egyptian belief on Big Fat Dave's channel. I'd never asked, and after today I wouldn't have the chance. I answered as diplomatically as I could.
“Yeah we do have a CERN here and they did build the LHC, but I don't remember anything coming of it except a few documentaries. I think the tech came from the American military on my channel.”
Not Dave just shrugged. “It's probably different for all the channels, I mean that's the point of alternate realities, right?”
Not Dave's name was actually Andrew, we didn't know why. Like the rest of us he was the 32 year old son of Jack and Nicola Upton, but in his reality they had called him Andrew, not Dave. I think it was strange for him to realise after a lifetime of being an Andrew that he was, according to probability, a Dave. He elected to be known as Not Dave, despite not needing the differentiating nickname.
Pink Dave wasn't giving up on his LHC theory that easily.
“All of our realities are alike enough for there to be Daves, or Andrews,” he looked off camera to nod at Not Dave's image. “They must be alike enough for technology to work out the same. So if there's a Dave., then...”
Big Fat Dave snorted so loudly that Archibald sat up in disapproval. “Aren't we self-important.”
I headed them off before this got into another one of their debates. It almost always ended with Pink Dave getting irate and turning off.
“Guys. Do we want to spend my last night retreading the same old arguments?”
“Indeed not,” said Not Dave. “ Let's raise a glass to channel 1353 and to Bearded Dave, a fine and upstanding Dave.” They all lifted a can, looking strangely in unison in their respective corners of the screen. Not Dave and Pink Dave were drinking beer; Big Fat Dave was drinking Coke.
“Bearded Dave.” They chorused.
I picked up my own can to toast them back.
“Dave, Dave, Andrew... and Archibald it's been a pleasure knowing you all. I wish we could carry on being friends. I'll always remember you.” I drank.
We all lapsed into the sort of silence we Daves needed when emotional. It was coming close to midnight, the time when my channel, channel 1353, would block all viewing realities, and, as the inter-reality laws decreed, be blocked in return – who wants someone watching you when you can't watch them back. Despite international outrage, 1353's world committee governing reality channels hadn't backed down. People had been given a month to say goodbye to friends on other channels while the formality of a final appeal went through. That morning it had failed and at midnight the switch would be thrown.
“It sucks, man.” said Big Fat Dave.
“I know.”
More silence. It was one minute to midnight.
“Bye Daves.”
“Bye Dave.”
“Bye mate.”
“See you Dave.”
Thirty seconds. I remembered something.
I said: “Big Fat Dave – does you channel have a lot of Ancient Egyptian influence in modern culture?”
Big Fat Dave looked blank.
“You know: pharoahs, pyramids, mummies....”
Big Fat Dave's face lit up.
“Yeah we do. In fact we still...”
Black screens. Channel 1353 had blocked. I sat back in my chair and isolated Dave in an isolated world.
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I really enjoyed this. I think that it would have been interesting to have more information about why they are blocking the reality stations, but that’s about it. I also like how they are all Dave…or Not. My favorite thing however is the way you’ve ended it. Mid-sentence. Mid-conversation. It makes the fact that they are being shut down even more of an injustice. I just keep thinking about where their friendships and conversations could have gone from there.
I really think that you have something here. I think should actually expand it into something longer (flash fiction be damned!). I was interested enough to want to know more about this world(s) you’ve created. It reminded me a little bit of Pahlankiuk’s “Rant”. Thought the whole first page I thought that they were used car salesmen. I don’t know why, I just got that vibe. I am usually one for not giving too much away in the beginning, which you did a good job of, but I think that can hurt FF, and is also why I think that you should expand it. It seems to me that you are creating some sort of futuristic dystopia that could be intriguing. Good luck!
I really enjoyed this and I think by the end I got it. I was confused for a long time and didn’t really understand until the line about all of them being the son of the Uptons’s. Perhaps if that line could come in sooner and establish the reality that would be more helpful.
There isn’t really much of a conflict here. hard to do in a short time I realize but i didn’t really feel the stakes of loosing his channel. He seems bummed out but nothing more. Maybe it would engage me more if HE REALLY cared that he was going to be alone.
Still great read. It’s in line with what I like to read and write, but it’s one of my favorite things I’ve read here.
This is a fantastic piece of work, a fully realized story in just a trio of pages, I am truly impressed. I liked the way that there were multiple versions of the same person, including one who had been given a different name through some quirk of probability. Overall, this is a well written, well conceived piece of writing. Congratulations, I hope you produce many more like this.
According to one of the reviewers on urbis, flash fiction is 200 words. I know, nearly impossible to write anything with such a short format ot work with. Your concept of an alternate reality is very interesting. I was a little confused with bearded and big fat Dave, pink Dave and such, but overall, still readable.
“Not Dave just shrugged.” Is this right?
The I voice(narrator) is very interesting. Who are you in the story? You must somehow introduce yourself. i have re read and cannot see where you name yourself.
“You know how cats will sit and watch something or someone crossing a room when you can see there’s no one there.”
Wouldn’t this sound more cogent? Cat’s seem to see sense things that humans cannot. Now describe how the cat acts when it sees things you cannot.
I would write in this vein. Try to make your sentences less complicated and let readers know who you are in relation to the story. Good luck, Sandi
Interesting premise. You could do a lot more with it, and I suggest not using cats as the way of discovery… That seems so implausible, that it makes me want to scream. Hm, you could make it where when people go into stasis for more than X amount of time, that they start dreaming the alternate realities—as if linked to the spirits when their consciousness disappears. Or anything else, but please, not cats.
The dialogues were good, but not ‘real’. You wrote too much back story into the dialogues, that made them seem more like monologues explaining the history. You’re here to write a story with a conflict and ending, yet, there was no conflict except the inevitable turning of a switch—and the sadness that comes with it.
The ending third was the best, for the dialogue was much brisker and realistic. Keep in mind that most conversations only have people doing one or two sentences, and then the other person chimes in. :).
In general a very strange story. It’s confusing and I don’t see the point of it. You need to focus it—perhaps make fun of reality shows. If you are already doing so, it is not clear. What is the IDEA of this piece?
Nits below:
I’d delete this -- it jars and is unnecessary info -- he’d chosen his own nickname.
Pink Dave gets confused with Big Fat Dave
Then you have Not Dave. And who is Archibald? The cat?
does you ////YOUR///////channel have a lot of Ancient Egyptian influence in ////ON////modern culture?”
Best
Anita
...well that just made me sad.
Why did he ask about the pyramids etc? I expect you to PM me to explain. I liked this peice, I liked the channels idea of alternate realities, that was really really clever.
I liked that all other realities were blocked, that they could no longer speak, that they were the same and yet different. A really good take on the future/alternate reality to earth. Good effort.
PM ME AND EXPLAIN THE MUMMIES! :-P
10 for you. Applause.
what a great concept for a story. i think you did a great job at keeping the story concise and condensed; you definitely packed a lot of character into the short space and used dialogue well to convey the back story to this piece.
it wasn’t really clear until the first appearance of the “I” that it was even a first-person narrative, and that was a bit jarring to me. perhaps you could introduce the narrator before Big Fat Dave speaks, or shortly after (instead of a third of the way through the story)?
there were a few slight grammar errors (for example, near the beginning, you wrote ” turn;upside down”) and punctuation errors that could be corrected easily with a bit of proofreading. in the last sentence, did you mean “I sat back in my chair, an isolated Dave in an isolated world”? the way it’s currently written is confusing….
really, i loved this story, and my only real gripe about it is that i want to read more about the daves! the reader definitely feels the narrator’s sense of loss/loneliness at the end of the story. well done!
I’d move “He’d chosen his own nickname” to a different para- you’re telling us two different pieces of info at once.
You could strengthen Pink Dave’s take on the Mickey-taking by saying he’d never been seen wearing anything pink since. Only a few people knew where the nickname was from as a result.
I’m wondering what all the abbreviations stand for. Instead of intrigue though, my lack of understanding makes me feel distanced from the story.
“Who wants someone watching you”- I might put “After all,” before it and a question mark at the end- the sentence is a question but “after all” clarifies that it is rhetorical. Just a thought.
“your channel”, not “you channel” towards the end.
I’d like more of a connection made to ancient Egypt and their love of cats. Tie that in more to this story. That would make the ending clearer- the images of cats, Egypt and Big Fat Dave portrayed almost as some kind of pharaoh all tie in to an Egyptian theme. Maybe I missed something, but I wasn’t sure a) what the narrator would have gone on to understand from Big Fat Dave’s final response, and b) how this could have helped: all channels were being shut down anyway. Am I misunderstanding something?
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