Poetry / Time Doth Change

People can always relate to time, it’s concept always forming.

“Does time travel?
Or from it’s ever-spooling stream, unravel?
So many questions to be asked.
But time is already rushing on, clothed and masked.”

I think having two questions in the begginning distracts me, and the second sentence confuses me. Wouldn’t going down a stream be a sense of traveling?

“And man will stride throughout the years.” would be a stronger ending than with another question.

This is just my opinion, I feel this poem stresses more on trying to get the ending words to ryhme then worrying about the words before. I love the topic, so good work, but would advise some punctuation and grammar revision.

This was a great piece. It flowed really nicely, and the rhyming did not seem forced. I can see it published some where. It reminds me a little of Robert Frost.

I generally hate rhyming poetry because so few people do it cleverly. Your poem is clever though. The rhyme seems relaxed, unforced. Almost as if it is incidental (as it should!). Nicely done.

I like the image of time as “clothed and masked”—as something that hides itself from us, that we can never truly know or understand because it is always changing itself.

I do think “Time to travel?”, which breaks away from the scheme, throws off your flow. I don’t think it makes for a particularly strong ending. It almost would’ve been better without that last line. I can see that you are trying to mirror your initial question. I like that visual aspect of it, but when I read it, it just doesn’t seem right.

I like the poem, but the rhyme scheme is a little plain to me. I think that everything else is really good though. For some reason “I’m lost, if not forlorn” really appeals to me. I love it.
I don’t know that i like the way it opens, it kind of reminds me of one of those infomercials for some reason. But that might just be me…anyway, I like the theory and concept of it. Instead of taking a totally logical look at time travel, it kind of compares two different dimensions that this person is in. I really like this poem though. It’s good :]

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April 06, 2009

by Unnaturalyeti

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Mm, I agree with you about the rhyme scene. But, unfortunately, once I’d written it, I found it very difficult to make it more subtle. I’ll keep trying though!

The opening grew on me, I quite like the second line. But, then, I did write it! Got any suggestions for how it could be changed? :)

Thanks for the review!

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