Valentine’s Day
Why her? Why me? Why us? Those thoughts, so agonizing and heart wrenching raced through my head incessantly. How could the world be so cruel? Why did it have to be us? The snow, like the fallen frozen tears from the heavens, crunched under me as I collapsed down onto my knees and let my arms fall to my sides. The wind chilled my skin and sent my shaggy black hair flying around my face. The memory replayed in my mind as tears rolled down my face.
“I’ll be there in five minutes.” Thea said into the phone. “I promise, Adrian.”
“I can’t wait to see you.” I knew she could hear the smile in my voice.
“Same here. I love you.” She said, her voice like melted chocolate.
“I love you, too, sweetie.” I said flipping the little black box over and over in my hand. The line disconnected and my heart began to pound. This was going to be the moment I had waited for all of my life and I was going to share it with the most breathtaking girl in the world.
I had gotten a phone call a half an hour ago from the hospital. Thea was involved in a horrible car accident. A drunk driver ran a red light and collided with her. The force of the collision had sent her car flipped over several times before landing into another lane and then another car crashed into her head on. She had died immediately after the last impact. I didn’t bother going to the hospital. I didn’t need to see Thea’s sun kissed skin a ghastly porcelain white, her pale pink lips the color of snow and chapped, or her chocolate brown hair matted and caked with blood to know that she was gone forever and was not coming back to me.
I just lay there on the ground motionless. I didn’t care that snow was coating my entire body and I would probably die from hypothermia. Life wasn’t worth living without my angel. I closed my eyes as the pain in my chest spread to my other limbs and I was surmounted by the darkness.
“Adrian, come on!” Thea called. She was running up the slanted land to the peak of the mountain.
“I’m coming.” I replied chasing after her and laughing.
The sun shone on her fair skin. Her long chocolate brown hair bounced back and forth as she ran.
She stopped at the top of the mountain sighed contently. I wrapped my arms around her waist and took in the scenery with her. The pristine blue sky, painted with feathery clouds and the vivid golden sun, merged effortlessly with the city backdrop.. Thea’s emerald green eyes squinted to take it all in. Abruptly she turned around to face me.
“What did I do to deserve you?” She said smiling sweetly then walked around me. I turned to meet her.
“I should be asking myself that same question. What did I do to deserve you?” I replied.
“Get over me.” She replied closing off the distance between us.
“What?” I was shocked. “What do you mean? I can’t live without you.”
“That’s my point. Get over me.” With that she shoved me off of the mountain.
“Thea!” I screamed falling faster and faster.
“Adrian!” She screamed back.
“Thea…” My voice trailed off.
“Adrian….Adrian….” Thea’s voice called from above. This was it. Reality wasn’t reality. In reality, Thea didn’t die. I did. “Adrian…..Adrian….”
“Adrian! Adrian, wake up. I’m serious. I can’t carry you all the way to your apartment. Get up.” That voice. Was I...?
My eyelids fluttered open and I saw my best friend, would be best man, standing over me and shaking me. “Syrus?”
“Yes, Syrus. Who the heck did you think it was? The tooth fairy?” He exclaimed.
“Leave me alone.” I said trying to stand up. I faltered and fell back down. My limbs were taunt and numb. I tried again and fell against Syrus. He grabbed my arm and wrapped it around his shoulder and helped me over to the park bench.
“I can’t leave you alone. It’s the rule.” He replied taking a seat after helping me down.
“Oh yeah, what rule?” I muttered looking at my feet. I couldn’t bear to look into his hazel eyes and see the disappointment and regret.
“The rule of being a best friend, of course. I can’t just turn my back on my best friend and ignore the fact that he is hurting severely inside. It’s not right and I couldn’t live with myself if I abandoned you with your grief.”
I sighed. Syrus had always been there and it felt as if he knew me better than I knew myself at times. “It’s just…why her? You know. Why me? Why did all of this have to happen to us?”
“Adrian…I…I don’t know. I think it’s just...God’s plan. You know. He created us, but he can also eradicate us. I don’t think he wants to cause pain, but I also think that he wants what’s best for all of us, his children.”
“So it’s in my best interest to lose the only girl I ever loved?” Hatred was burning inside of my chest.
“I wish I could tell you that it will all work out and that life will move on, but honestly…I can’t. At least…not right now.” He ran his hand through his short dirty blonde hair.
“Part of me died with her, Syrus. I don’t know what I am going to do without her. I loved her so much.”
“I know you did and I understand how you feel.”
“Do you?” I asked looking into his eyes. The question came out cold and was coated in hate. I knew I wasn’t mad at Syrus, but I had to rid myself of it and God, apparently, wasn’t taking collect calls. “Do you honestly know how I feel right now?”
“Adrian…” His voice trailed off. I instantly saw the sadness enter his hazel eyes.
“Just stop, ok? You can’t change this. You can’t make me feel better and your kind words can’t,” Tears fell down my cheeks and onto my jeans. “They can’t bring Thea back. No matter how much I wish I could just wake up and let this all be a dream, I can’t. No matter how much I cry and plead, Thea isn’t coming back.”
“Adrian, I didn’t say that, nor did I think that. I wish they would, too, but you have to understand, I am trying to help you.”
“I don’t want your help, nor do I need it.” I snapped and stood up to leave.
“Adrian, please be fair. I lost her too, you know!” Syrus yelled.
I turned around at this. How dare he? “Fair? You think its fair that just because one of your friends dies, but she was going to be my fiancé, that your pain is equal to mine?” I yelled.
“That’s not what I said and you know it Adrian. Stop acting like you’re the only one hurting and realize that other people are in pain too. Don’t take your anger out on me when God is the one who took Thea away from you,” Syrus’ voice got lower, “Away from us. Don’t do something stupid…something that you can’t change.”
That was it. The straw that broke the camel’s back, as they say. All of my pent up rage and hatred toward humankind and this world for that matter, burst out from its confinement and burned through my veins with the intensity of a thousand white hot suns.
“Syrus, my pain isn’t God’s fault. It’s yours!” I screamed inching closer to him.
“My fault,” Syrus shouted appalled, “How is it my fault?”
“You’re the one who told me to ask her out. You’re the one who told me to break out of my own little world and let someone other that you in. You’re the one who told me that I needed her in my life. You’re the one who set us up and now you’re the one to blame for this unimaginable throbbing in my chest.” Fresh tears rolled down my stained face, but my anger was not diminished.
I turned my back on my best friend. I didn’t care at this point what he had to say. I was through with this fight. I was through with this world and I was definitely through with living. As I began to walk toward the park’s exit, I heard Syrus call me back, but not in worry or in sadness. It was in anger. I stopped walking, but I didn’t turn around.
“So what now, Adrian? Are you just going to up and leave? Are you going back to being the Adrian you were before, the one that ran from his problems and shut everyone else out?”
“Syrus, you don’t know what it was like being me back then. You still don’t. You think you do, but newsflash, you don’t. You never did.” I started to walk again.
“Adrian, I thought we were friends!” He called angrily.
“Face it, Syrus. We are not friends. We never were and we’ll never get the chance.” The words came out bitter and callous. The only response I got was silence
I left the graveyard feeling nothing but a hate for this world and the one that put me here. If I couldn’t live in it with Thea, then I didn’t want to like in it at all. I knew of only one place I could go before I could carry out my final decision.
I arrived at the old Catholic Church on 5th and 4th. I had never been very religious, but I needed some guidance and this was my last resort for it. When I walked in, it was deserted. The room was dimly lit and had a musty mold smell. I walked up to the large cross in the front of the room. I knelt on the ground and folded my hands into one another. I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head.
“Hey God.” I started. “It’s me, Adrian, but you probably already knew that. You probably also know the pain I am experiencing right now.” I took in a sharp breath. “Answer me this, though. Why her? Why my beautiful Thea? Why did you have to take her from me? Did I do something wrong? What could I have possibly done to make you smite me this way? I love her with my whole body and soul. She was the only girl I ever loved. Why did you have to take her from me?” I was crying now. I just sat there and waited for an answer. Nothing came. No light shown down from the ceiling revealing some previously unseen truth. No voice answered my questions. The only sound in the room at all was my quieting sobs and my shallow breathing.
I stood up and screamed, “Why?” There was a nearby statue of Jesus and I kicked it as hard as I could and sent it flying across the small cathedral.
There were no answers for me here. It was pointless to even come here. I wiped my damp cheeks. If God was cruel enough to take my beloved away from me in the first place, why would he bother helping me now?
I turned and noticed on that on the small oak wood table there lay a sharp silver dagger with a black jewel encrusted hilt. I reached down to pick it up. It felt awkward in my too smooth hands. I walked over to the nearest pew and lay down; poising the dagger over the center of my heart.
“Just do it, Adrian. Just do it. It will only hurt for a moment compared to the pain of a lifetime without Thea. At least in death you will finally be with her.” I exhaled a sharp breath as I closed my eyes tightly and gritted my teeth. I prepared myself for death. Just do it, I thought to myself.
My arms locked. Even if I wanted to kill myself, I couldn’t at this moment. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“Coward,” I chastised myself. I took the dagger and threw it across the room and it landed with a thud next to the upturned Jesus.
“You happy, God? I am not dead. That’s what you wanted, right? You wanted me alive and to suffer without my beloved. Thanks. That’s real fatherly.” I yelled at the ceiling. I knew there was a reason I chose not to put faith in something earlier on in life. There was no point. Nothing good happened to me.
I figured I might as well leave and head back to my residence. I had about fifty-five years of loneliness to face. I reached the doorway and looked back one more time at the chaos I had caused..
“Couldn’t you have taken me too?” I whispered, wiping away fresh tears off of my face.
I walked out into the bustling world. Life was going on as normal as if nothing atrocious had even occurred. I walked to the sidewalk and looked both ways before I crossed the street. It was all clear so I started to walk across to my apartment. There was an abrupt honking and screaming. Just as I turned to see what the commotion was all about, I was pummeled by a large black Cadillac. I flew back several feet and cracked my head on the cement.
“Yo buddy, are you okay?” A tall man asked me after he emerged from his car.
I merely smiled as I looked up to the sky. “Thank…thank you.” I whispered to the sky and clouds. After that, a wave of darkness pulled me under and into its depths and I never resurfaced.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
A very absorbing story which was well written and with every sentence there was anticipation of the eventual demise of the central character, i feel this style of writing suited you like it does me first person is always the hardest but most interestin, it is as if you see everything that goes off in the world and you want to relate to it in the story.
I noticed how short the sentences were and how many dots there were but i am the opposite i write long winded sentences not allowing the reader to pause for breath.
In the end it was god who had decided to make your fate and with it the end of your life the love was lost and pain would never ease,perhaps that person could never be replaced they are seldom in life.
The family didn’t support you in your hour of need which might have made a difference.
Perhaps you might like my story entitled “TIME TO DIE DON’T ASK WHY” it is about a goal which one has to end their life.
I like how you illustrated the range of emotions that the protagonist felt throughout the story—the anger at God for taking away his beloved Thea (as well as anger at his friend for introducing them), the utter hopelessness Adrian feels as he is looking forward to a future without the only woman he had ever loved, then finally the relief he feels as he dies after being run over (the relief that he may be with his fiance after all).
The dialogue at the very beginning is good, but I would consider rewording a bit. For example, instead of saying (and I’m just making this up of course) “I’ll be there in ten minutes,” I said, grabbing my coat.
“Okay, I’ll be ready,” she promised, her voice full of excitment.
“Make sure you wear a coat,” I said, stepping outside into the cold weather.
“I don’t want to,” she replied, sucking her teeth.
You can say..
“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” I said, grabbing my coat.
Her voice full of excitement she replied, “okay, I’ll be ready.”
“Make sure you wear a coat,” I said, stepping outside into the cold weather.
She sucked her teeth. “I don’t want to.”
I hope that all made sense.
The transitions from the present to the past confused me a bit in the beginning. It wasn’t clear enough at first.
I love the flashbacks. Get to know thea and seeing the bond she had with the narrator really make you feel for him and share his pain about her death.
The argument between adrian and syrus seemed a bit forced. As did the dialogue in the church.
The ending was really good, completely unexpected. This story sounds like it’ll have a really good moral. One of those ‘everything happens for a reason’ type messages. I hope to read more
chocolate brown hair-you mention the color of her hair twice…I say remove from that line in the first paragraph. It will come off less as an info dump.
Beside that I really liked…I really thought you were going to take the lame suicide route but I’m glad you switched up. This kinds of prove dying isnt a bad thing…especially when you want to.
“Thank…thank you.” -You should end it at that point.
Overall all I didnt spot any grammar errors/
Wow… The title was the only thing that didn’t make much sense; you never said anything about valentintes day, as far as I could see. I think that this is a real glimpse into the world we know exists, but never want to see. Very well written
Hey, this is a very good peice and I notice only minor grammatical errors like confusing is with it or than with that. But I also notice a very distinct attention to detail and a very good use of adjectives(which is a complement by thr way). Also about 3/4 way down in the graveyard, I thought he was in a park. And is Thea pronounced like Tia or with a Th? Also in the second to last paragraph wahen he threw the dagger he was already holding it so you don’t have to put he took it and threw it. Otherwise very good story.
As I go through it:
You don’t need beats with every bit of dialogue – things like “her voice like melted chocolate.” really distract from the actual dialogue and get a bit melodramatic.
You need to transisition from the flashback of the phonecall with the girl to the phonecall with the hospital. I think the phonecall with the hospital could be bette r- show it, don’t tell it. Have him answer the phone, etc.
Again, you need transistions from flashback to reality. The jumping around gets confusing.
Watch how many time you call her hair, “chocolate brown.”
What? In reality she didn’t die. He did? I’m confused.
Oh, wait, that was a dream? I like the concept – lost love can be a great story but you have to be careful how much you throw the reader around like that.
Ok – I was honestly losing interest because of the jumping around, but the blaming Syrus got me back into it. Your fight with him would be more dramatic if you got rid of some of the beats though and just peppered the dialogue back and forth – It would fly at that point – just like the pace of a real argument.
I like that he addresses God.
Why is there a dagger in the middle of a church?
Interesting end. But if darkness pulled him in, he couldn’t tell us about it. Hmm…how can you end it – I think you have to tell it either from 3rd person to show the end, or just cut him off as he dies.
Showing 1 - 7 of 7
Ratings & Rankings
Review item
Add to faves
