Short Story / Wait, What?
“Wait, so are we going?” she says to no one person, but to the table. She has a pint in one hand and a smoke in the other. She would be pretty if her eyebrows looked better, but as it is they go on too long, down and along the ridge of her eye sockets.
“Yes we’re going,” says her boss, who is not the boss, but answers to his boss who answers to the bosses, who run The Small But Quickly Growing Company. Though he is not the boss, you might consider him the Senior Analyst due to the fact that Eyebrows is called the Junior Analyst.
Senior Analyst’s wife has to work tomorrow, which is Saturday, and is not drinking. Very much. She says, “Well then let’s go. Let’s go back Downtown.”
Sitting next to Has to Work on Saturday is a small guy who, despite his short stature, will (once drunk enough) inevitably tackle someone tonight. Thus it is thought to be tactically sound for the least drunk person to sit next to him. He says, “What? Where are we going?”
“We are going? What, are we going?” says the Tackler’s wife, an artist who works in mosaics, who is seated on the other side of him. She picks at her nails absently, which are ragged due to her profession.
“No, why not stay here?” asks the guy who lives on this side of the bridge, so of course does not want to go all the way back Downtown, but is ignored because nobody really likes Lives on This Side of the Bridge anyhow.
“Let’s go Downtown,” says Has to Work on Saturday.
“What about the car?” the younger brother of the two bosses—the two main bosses of the Small But Quickly Growing Company, who have no other bosses above them—asks his wife. Younger Boss has to leave for a Bachelor Party.
Younger Boss’s Wife says, “I can’t drive it.”
Younger Boss says, “Fine, I’ll take it.”
Younger Boss’s Wife says, “I can’t drive it. And if I can’t drive, you definitely can’t drive.”
Meanwhile Senior Analyst says, “Who’s going? Let’s go.”
“Let’s go downtown,” says Senior Analyst’s Boss, who is not one of the bosses, but does answer to the bosses, and who is European and so has some sort of authority as he always wears cool shoes and belts.
“I don’t want to go Downtown,” says Lives on This Side of the Bridge.
“Let’s go Downtown,” says Younger Boss’ Wife, turning away from her husband and the talk of the car.
“Let’s go Downtown,” says Has to Work on Saturday, and asks, “What time is it?”
“O.K., we’re going Downtown,” says Eyebrows.
“It’s only nine fifty-three,” says the European.
“Where? Where are we even going Downtown?” asks Lives This Side of the Bridge.
“Downtown. We’re going Downtown,” says Senior Analyst.
“What about X-Factor?” asks the European.
“No, I hate X-Factor,” says Senior Analyst.
“What? I love X-factor,” says Eyebrows.
“X-Factor is only good on Ladies’ night,” says the Mosaicist.
“Let’s just stay here,” says Lives on This Side of the Bridge.
“What about SilkScreen?” asks Has to Work on Saturday.
“Yeah, we could do SilkScreen,” says Senior Analyst.
“No, SilkScreen sucks. Too pretentious,” says Younger Boss’s Wife.
“It’s good if you can get into the VIP room,” says Senior Analyst. “Remember when we got into the VIP room?”
“Yeah, that was so cool,” says the European.
“But what about now? What are we doing now?” asks the Tackler.
“Hey, we could go to O’Leary’s,” says Has to Work on Saturday.
“No, we’ll never get a table by now,” says the Tackler.
“Well, I don’t want to have to pay cover if we can’t even get a table. Why don’t we just stay here?” says Lives on This Side of the Bridge.
“We’re going to have to pay cover wherever we go,” says the Mosaicist, leaning forward.
“Not at the Embassy Room,” says Senior Analyst.
“Oh, Embassy Room, yeah let’s go there,” says the European.
“I haven’t been to the Embassy Room in forever,” says Has to Work on Saturday.
“After ten on a Friday, and we won’t have to pay cover?” asks Eyebrows.
“No, not there,” says the Tackler.
“Let’s go to Embassy Room,” says Senior Analyst. He stands up and yells down the table to the rest of the crowd who’ve been talking about something probably far less interesting than where to go next. “Hey! Are you guys coming?”
“Where are you going?” asks the Blond with the Perfect Body, and to the guy whose girlfriend nobody has ever met, but is somewhat suspiciously chatting up the girls across the table from him, “They’re going? Where are they going?”
“Where are you going?” she repeats to the group down the table.
“Embassy Room,” says the European.
The Blond with the Perfect Body turns back to Guy Whose Girlfriend Nobody Has Ever Met, “They’re going Downtown?”
“Who’s going Downtown?” asks the Blond with the Perfect Body’s friend, her wide eyes even wider, which gives her the look of an unwieldy Animé character.
“I guess they’re going Downtown,” says Guy Who’s Girlfriend Nobody Has Ever Met.
“Why are they going Downtown?” asks Wide Eyes.
“Yeah, why are they going Downtown?” asks the Blond with the Perfect Body.
While this is going on, back at the other end of the table, Younger Boss says to his wife, “You go with them, I’ll take a cab to the Bachelor Party.”
“Where are they going?” she asks, and turning back, asks again, “Where are we going?”
“I thought that we were going to Embassy Room,” says Eyebrows. “Aren’t we going to Embassy Room?”
“Who doesn’t want to go to Embassy Room?” asks Senior Analyst.
“What, we’re not going to Embassy Room?” asks the Mosaicist.
“I thought that we were going to Embassy Room,” says Has to Work on Saturday.
“Why aren’t we going to Embassy Room?” asks the Tackler.
“I don’t want to go to Embassy Room,” says Lives on This Side of the Bridge.
“You don’t have to go. I don’t know if they’re going,” says Has to Work on Saturday, nodding to the threesome down the table.
“What? Who’s not going?” asks Eyebrows.
“Aren’t we going to Embassy Room?” asks the European.
“Where are we going?” asks Younger Boss’s Wife.
“We’re going to Embassy Room, right?” says the Mosaicist.
“Yes, we’re going. We’re going. Are you going?” The Tackler asks Younger Boss’ Wife.
“So, are they going?” Has to Work on Saturday asks Senior Analyst.
“I don’t know. Who’s going? We’re going,” says Senior Analyst.
“What time is it?” asks Has to Work on Saturday.
“It’s nine fifty-eight,” says the European.
“We should get the tab. Where’s the waitress?” asks Has to Work on Saturday.
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen her. Have you seen her?” Senior Analyst asks the table.
“I haven’t seen her, but we better settle up or else we can’t go anywhere,” says the European.
“What? Why can’t we go? I thought that we were going to Embassy Room.” Says Younger Boss’ Wife.
“No, no. We’re going. We have to find the waitress,” says Eyebrows.
Younger Boss’s Wife turns to her husband and says, “Go find the waitress.”
Younger Boss doesn’t move, but says, “What about the car?”
“Have they seen the waitress down there?” asks Eyebrows.
“Hey, have you guys seen the waitress?” the Tackler stands up and calls down to the other end of the table.
The three at the other end shrug.
“Are they going now?” asks Wide Eyes.
“What? Downtown? I don’t know,” says the Blond with the Perfect Body.
The waitress walks by and is berated at once with drunken customers—who in all fairness, she herself has served and thus contributed to the state they’re in—all wanting their bill.
“I have to go get it. I’ll be right back,” she says
“I still don’t see why we don’t just stay,” says Lives on This Side of the Bridge.
Down at the other end, Guy Whose Girlfriend Nobody Has Ever Met says, “Do you want to stay or go?”
“No, we have to meet up with our friend down the street later,” says the Blond With the Perfect Body.
“Wait, we don’t want our bill yet,” Guy Whose Girlfriend Nobody Has Ever Met tells the waitress.
“Hey, they’re not going, you can stay with them,” Has to Work on Saturday tells Lives on This Side of the Bridge.
“What, you guys are staying?” Lives on This Side of the Bridge asks them.
“Yeah,” says Guy Whose Girlfriend Nobody has Met.
“O.K., then I don’t want mine either then yet,” Lives on This Side of the Bridge calls after the waitress.
“What about the car?” Younger Boss’s Wife asks her husband.
“I’m taking a cab,” he says.
“Who can drive? Can someone drive my car?” Younger Boss’s Wife asks, looking around the table.
Everyone exchanges the same look, which is, Drive the Boss’s car after a few beers, you have to be out of your fucking mind.
“My car is downtown at the office, but I’m not driving,” says Eyebrows.
“I drove our car here, and I’m good to drive, but he’s not,” says Has to Work on Saturday, jerking a thumb to her husband.
“Can you drive my car?” Younger Boss’s Wife asks the European.
“I’m driving my car,” the European tells her.
“You can leave your car. Just come and get it tomorrow,” says the Mosaicist.
“And then you can come in our car,” says the Tackler.
“But I have my laptop in my car,” she says.
“It’s not like this is the South Side. I’m sure it’ll fine,” says the Senior Analyst.
The waitress brings the checks, each in their own fake leather folders, and there is a sorting out of what belongs to who and an inserting of Debit Cards before they are handed back.
“What time is it?” Has to Work on Saturday asks.
“Ten-oh-nine,” says the European.
“So, are you coming with us?” Has to Work on Saturday asks Lives on This Side of the Bridge.
He glances at the three at the other end of the table and says, “No, I’m staying here.”
No protests that he should come ensue.
When the waitress brings back the bills, there is another passing around of the fake leather folders, figuring out which one belongs to which person.
“O.K., are we going? Can we go now?” asks the Tackler.
“Are you guys leaving now?” asks the Blond with the Perfect Body.
“Yes, yes, we’re going. Let’s go,” says the European.
“Who’s driving?” asks Eyebrows.
“I’m driving,” says the European.
“We’re driving, and they’re driving,” says the Mosaicist.
“I’ll go with you guys. Can I come with you guys?” asks Younger Boss’s Wife.
“Yeah, come with us,” says the Mosaicist.
Has to Work on Saturday says to Eyebrows, “You can come with us.”
It is a slow process leaving the bar. Eyebrows and Has to Work on Saturday leave only to realize they are standing alone outside because nobody else has actually left yet. Through the window they can see the rest of the crew have gotten up but are still standing at the table. The two women wave their arms motioning them to come out.
“Aren’t they coming?” asks Eyebrows.
“I don’t know. I thought we were going. Aren’t we going now?” asks Has to Work on Saturday.
“What’s taking them so long?” asks Eyebrows.
“No idea. I thought we were going. What are they doing?” asks Has to Work on Saturday.
“Why aren’t they coming?” asks Eyebrows.
Eventually everyone tumbles outside, the Senior Analyst last. The Tackler is waiting around the corner of the building for him and jumps on his back. The Tackler wraps his arms around the Senior Analyst’s neck, trying to drag him down, and either unintentionally or intentionally—who can say for sure?—starts choking him.
“Where are we parked?” the Senior Analyst croaks at his wife.
“Over here,” she says, taking off in the direction she points.
Down the street they go, the Tackler on top of the Senior Analyst piggy-back style until he finally brings him down onto the grass and they roll the rest of the way to the car.
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To cluttered. Clear, but in a jumbled way, after you read it once or twice. I’ll tell you now, I only read the first page. It was enough… try going to an editor.. it’s all over the place. sit down and talk with a few charasmatic, intelligent people. If you can collaborate, I’m sure this work would be improved…Sorry
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omit “to no one person” – “to the table” accomplishes same thing
first page has a lot of “we are going” ideas. Vary your word choice a bit… its getting repetitive and isn’t helping the story move along effeciently
same thing with the x-factor on page three. Introduce the idea and move forward.
That trend continues throughout. ITs one thing to set up a tone with repitition, i think woody allen does it a lot in his movies… but with this piece, i don’t think it works. Whats the conflict? Figuring out who’s going to have to drive or not drive? I think this piece has a good framework for something to happen, but as is there’s nothing going on.
The naming, i didn’t like at first but it grew on me and i think it was a good decision. Its a fresh and humorous approach to archetypal naming, and i give props.
Keep writing,
James
Very much. this is unattached. What is it referring to?
“Why are they going Downtown?” asks Wide Eyes. Have you introduced Wide Eyes?
A little repetetive but funny. It’s a little like who’s on first. I liked the ending. It is different in the sense that i have seen nothing like it on here. I see no glaring grammatical errors. I will rate it high becaus you made good yuse of your imagination. Sandi
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