Thanks, that was helpful specially the branching out to tackle the tough times, and the cliche. I’ll keep them in mind. Cheers!
Poetry / it was never me
It was never me
It was never from anything I've done in the past
Or anything that I've felt sitting next to a wind chime
On a warm breezy afternoon
Nor was it the waves or the seagulls either
Singing with the shimmering sea
It was not the chilly mist of morning dew in spring
It was her smile, it was the flare of her hair
The singing chorus in her eyes
Her gentle heartbeat
Because with her I hear the melody of air
The soothing hum of the evening sky
With her I feel words, art, and poetry inside me
Nothing but that
And i knew then that they were never mine... but hers.
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Since you didn’t truly ask for any specific review instructions, may I instead convey what your poem made me feel? It is not a coincidence that your poem has a beach setting, and just this morning I had a vivid reminder of the time I spent in the ocean, in the Bahamas. The beauty of your words made me well up inside & they almost brought a genuine tear to my eyes. sigh If only every male on Earth could express so sincerely their heartfelt thoughts, there would be more love in this world…
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Girls will love it, it had all the touchtale signs of a soppy romantic poem. Which is fantastic as that’s what a romance poem should have. So on that note, you’ve done brilliantly. You have a talent, just try not to be too cliche with it, you’re in danger of this. Branch out, if you’re tackling love, tackle the tough shitty hard times, and then why the person still makes you feel that way. That’s on content though, on prose and style, beautiful, I couldn’t flaw it.
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