Non-fiction / Dear Dad (Analysis)
Dear Dad,
I hope this letter finds you well, wherever you are these days. It was much easier to keep track of you in the old days. You were so reliable. Worked hard every day; were home every night. So real. So solid. So dependable. Not that it is your fault that I do not know exactly where you are. You are not to blame for passing away. After all, you were 84, and walked the earth longer than many. I know you are out there somewhere, and even though I don’t know exactly where, there must be a mailbox nearby.
You must be wondering why I am writing. Truth is I have a long overdue bone to pick with you.
Dad, it’s been more than five years since you moved on. And all those days I have been carrying something around….something gnawing at me, about how you handled this one thing….something that I need to say…and you need to hear. Like much of the substance that makes up a father-son relationship, it is a bit complicated. Complicated enough to confound me – which is why perhaps I have carried it around rather than deal with it. Plus you’re resting, and I’ve wanted to respect that. But, hell, it’s been 5-plus years of rest. I bet you’re bored. So let’s stir things up. And try to un-confound me.
The night of your funeral, your lovely wife, my (step)mother, laid this on me: “Dean, your father did not want you to know this, but now I think you should know. You were conceived out of wedlock.”
She said it just like that, matter of factly, even tone, as if she was telling me tomorrow’s forecast. Now Dad, you know how much I love and think of mom as if I am her real son – because in all ways –save for one -- I am. But this seemed ill-timed.
She went on.
“He loved you so much, even before you were born. And he did the right thing and married your mother.” And this is where her voice cracked. “He was such a good man. I don’t know if he was even in love with your mother, but he loved you, and the idea of you.”
I see, I thought. There was so much information to process. For that night, though, I let it pass. My (step)mom missed my dad. This was her way of connecting his goodness with me on the day we let him go. So I let it sit there…..
And sit there…..
And sit…..
As days and months and now years have gone on, it has bothered me that you did that….that you elected not to tell me yourself….that I found out about this after you died. Dad, I would have liked to have thanked you. Not just for doing the right thing – that must have been an easy enough decision, especially back in the 1950s when single parents and deadbeat dads were not as common as today.
But Dad, you saved me, and I didn’t even know it. We both know my mother’s fate: alcoholic, drug dependent, and dead in her 30s from a prescription pill overdose. It’s why you divorced her years earlier, and received custody. What if you had not done the right thing from the beginning, and stayed with Mom and tried to make things work? Who might I have ended up with? Where might I have ended up? How might I have ended up? What might I have become?
No one knows for sure. But I would have liked the chance to thank you. But you left before I could. Why did you do that?
It bothered me, and so I thought I would tell you that here. And ask you here. Why?
But before I could ask why, perspective intervened. I told a good friend this story, and you know what this friend said?
“So what?” That’s what this friend said.
So what?! I thought. Some friend! Very sensitive, this friend of mine.
My friend went on. “I am sorry that you can’t thank your father, but if there is anything after this life, you know that he feels your gratefulness. You can still thank your dad for being there from the start, and staying. And while you are at it, maybe you should also thank him for what he didn’t tell you. What good could possibly come to you by knowing the circumstances? Why would he even want to burden you with that? If he loved your mom, even briefly, isn’t that what really mattered?”
I let these words simmer, and I have concluded this: I hate when friends are right at the expense of my being correct.
And this: Dad, that I am five-plus years late in thanking you. And thanking you again. It was from the heart that I spoke these words publicly at your funeral:
"You were the most unselfish man I ever knew. Even on my best day I could only hope to be half as generous as you.You were a man of few words, but your eyes and your smile, your jokes and your actions, said ‘I love you’ every day I was with you. Dad, I love you and miss you very much. And I am happy you are resting in peace.“
If I was a more perceptive man, and knew then what your beloved would tell me hours later, I could have added:
"Thank you Dad, for being there for me in every way from the very beginning, and for sparing me from things that, in the end, really do not matter."
Dad, you continue to touch me in ways I never thought possible – years after you went away. Count on hearing from me again, for I know you are not finished being my father. I will surely need to thank you again.
I love you.
-Dean
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 464 word review has not been unlocked.
This 257 word review has not been unlocked.
This 31 word review has not been unlocked.
“If I was a more perceptive man” should be ‘were’
I wish I could “suspend” a rating because I don’t think it’s ready to publish in this state, but here are my thoughts on this piece.
First, this is from the heart and from the gut. It’s hard to critique on that. My suggestion is to go back over it, now that you’ve “said” it on paper and put it into a more publishable (is that a word?) form….. IF that is what you wish to do with it.
I myself, would keep this version in an envelope addressed to my father- it is very personal and touching. Then create a re-worked version that you would want to be published- maybe more with the slant of what you’d like to leave in his memory.
Things that occur to me:
“But Dad, you saved me” POWERFUL!! If you brought this and other things from a conversation-type writing to a fact-oriented writing. Just to make it easier on the reader to group facts together.
Example: You saved me from…... I could have become a …..
I hope this makes sense. What I’m basically trying to say is to take this raw true writing to your dad and make it into a writing to be published, in my mind that’s 2 different forms of writing….
Regards,
Webwriter
- add/view comments (0)
General comments:
I hate when friends are right at the expense of my being correct. (a little akward – can you reword?)
I thought I would tell you that here. And ask you here. (here is repetitive)
Dialogue format:
right thing and married your mother(,)” (a)nd this is where her voice cracked.
My friend went on(,) “I am sorry that…
half as generous as you.You were a man (missing space)
Other things:
This is just a pet peeve of mine – but I sentences that start with “And” really grate on me (Unless they are in dialogue – because that’s how we talk). You had 11 sentences that started with “And” – If it were me, I’d reword some of them.
If you are writing this just to write for dad, that’s one thing. But since you added the criterion ranking of “publishable” – I assume you’re thinking about publication – if so, I’d really try to reword the beginning into a better hook. So many letters start off that way.
Overall, I think it’s an interesting tale, but it needs some polishing.
Since this is written in the form of letter, indentation of each paragraph would be needed. Some double spaces are missing after end of sentence. I thought this was very heartfelt, and confronts many unanswered questions that many have after the death of a loved one.
I hate when friends are right at the expense of my being correct. In This sentence shouldn’t you have used the word incorrect if your friend was right? This is a heart felt letter to your dad, I have to agree with your friend “so what” He was there for you, which is more than I can say for most men. As For you Step Mom she was just letting you know that your father loved you so much that he chose to take care of you no matter what. respect her for that and love her for being there also. I am glad to see you forgave your dad even though I see no reason for forgiveness.
Showing 1 - 7 of 7
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
