Flash Fiction / LAMENT

I think this is good. There are many different possible outcomes that could be imagined or made up. It makes you think. I don’t know, if you are going to enter it in the contest or whatever, if this tells enough of a story. The others that I read from  the details part of the rateing criteria told more of a story. You knew what happened. They really told you everything and left you without too many questions. This advice may not be wanted too much, but I would work to make it more obvious what happened. The reason I think it may not be wanted is that in order to do that, you may have to revise most of it. So it is only a suggestion…
I commend you for being able to do this at all though…I can’t imagine telling a story in only six words

I can see this as a comment about life, creative or otherwise.  The only thing I would change is “They”  It’s just like all those quotes, “They say…”  It leaves too many people asking who they are.  You can give personality to your comment if “They” has a name. Even something as simple as “Life”.

I think it would move it from the realm of cliche to being effective.

It’s a little too straight forward.

Instructions were not included.  I’m doomed.

Or something more ‘outside the box’ would help you.  

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March 31, 2009

by ckbailey

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hey, here i took your advice(from your review of version 1) & changed that word, & you’re still criticizing!   guess there’s just no pleasing some people…

March 31, 2009

by Treatsa

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I noticed that.  

The more I think about the whole 6 word thing the more impossible they get.

I don’t know if you’ve looked at the ones that were doing well in the contest but they tend to not be such straight-forward sentences.  

This sentence is better than the original but could still use some tweaking.

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Interesting. More of a description of life in general than specifically the creative life. In the creative life, we don’t always need instructions- we make our own stories with our own ideas. That’s what makes it creative. So “They forgot” I don’t really think fits. A nice line for a different situation- Life, Adolescence, motherhood/fatherhood I expect would be fitting topics.

Very good.  You didn’t use any colons or semi-colons like a lot of the other six-word-stories.  And it feels light and easy to understand.  Also sounds very personal.  Anywho, very good piece.

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January 02, 2009

by ckbailey

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thanks. kind of hard to understand how anyone feels the need for a colon or semicolon in a six-word piece.

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It’s funny but only in the context if you’re talking about the six word memoir.  Is that what you’re going for?  Or something else?  Because the intructions are right there.  Kidding.  Good job.

It’s a decent line.  I wonder if you could use ‘neglected’ instead of ‘forgot’.  Sounds better to me.

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December 02, 2008

by ckbailey

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“neglected” is actually closer to what i was getting at, although i don’t really like how the word sounds in the sentence…what’s another punchier word that conveys the same meaning? hmmm…”failed”? (but wait—when i looked up “neglect” in my thesuarus, “forget” was one of the synonyms…)
thanks for your input.

December 03, 2008

by Treatsa

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I like how it sounds against ‘instructions’ to me it balances the sentence.

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funny.   good title and tight line.

not much to critique here, so i suppose i can at least offer my take on it.

it reads (to me) and someone commenting on their life.  henceforth, “they” could be construed as angels, having mishandled the instructions from God.  

or

someone really just forgot to give you the instructions, and now you’re stuck staring at a mess of nuts and bolts.  

either way, “Lament” as a title works.

well done.  

A nice way to blame one’s problems on someone else. This could just as easily have been “I forgot to get/read the instructions” but here the responsibility for teaching one how to deal with life? is deflected. If this is not your intention, I would change it so that “I” is the subject.

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October 21, 2008

by ckbailey

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okay, i admit it seems like i’m, blaming someone else. the challenge was to write a 6-words-or-less thing; if i’d had more words i would have expanded it to something along the lines of “i was given a lot of instructions, but unfortunately they turned out to be not the instructrions i really needed; those i had to figure out by myself via a long years of trial & error.” is that better?

October 21, 2008

by ckbailey

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okay, i agree that,as written,it seems like i’m blaming some unspecified “someone else”. but the challenge was to write a 6-words-or-less thing. if i had more words to work with, it would have read something more along the lines of: “they gave me a lot of instructions, but unfortunately the turned out to not be the instructions i reall y needed; those i had to figure out myself after long years of trial & error.”

October 21, 2008

by DCAllen

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I feel your pain. :) And I know you’re also a fine writer. Actually, my response to your six-worder was not really negative. The statement does place the blame on others, which is perfectly fine. Sometimes they are to blame.

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This is funny, and still relevant to how a lot of people feel.  Good job!