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Poetry / Prickling
the wind begins brushing my fingers
holding my hands out
feeling the prickles
waiting here for you
I feel the wind through these hands
I can hear the breeze pass me by
but really what does it bring
I can't see through
my eyes struggle as I look deep
but where have you gone
illusive hands holding things far away
things that I can't reach from here
and these hands can only feel the wind
brushing these fingers
and the rain washing this away
till I'm standing here wondering
where you've gone
and why I should stay
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dragonshaker reviewed Version 1 -
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This is an emotional piece which reminds me of the things that can be blown away in the wind, those precious moments forgotten like buried treasure, nature doesn’t allow us to be none reflective we have to keep going back and tracing the day when the wheels came off our life.
The hand is a symbol of forever love immortalised in the touching,feeling and holding with everything we build is through our hands.Kudos to you i loved it.
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vay_pure reviewed Version 1 -
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Hello,
Under the circumstances this may make no sense at all but I understood every word, the metaphors and the realizim of what is just out of reach. Very well done. The date created? curious
oknapp reviewed Version 1 -
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Very illusive. I like the metaphor of the unattainable wind in contrast to a lost love—and of course the where you wonder if you will stay. A poem with a cliffhanger. Very nice. The rain adds a nice touch. Rain always symbolizes the gray in life. Good Job, very nice, Sandi
Deadsage reviewed Version 1 -
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You have a lot of strong symbols in here, hands and eyes, wind and rain, that always helps to add depth to a poem. There is a general feeling of yearning to reach something, to see something, which is a pretty common desire.
This piece is weakened by no clear I, or you, no scenery to see or smell. This piece needs some sensory information to engage the reader.
feeling the prickles (what prickles)
waiting here for you (where for who)
I can’t see through (through what)
where have you gone (where has who gone)
holding things far away (are they desireable things or undesireable things)things that I can’t reach from here (what things, from where)
rain washing this away (what is this)
with no clear answers presented, some may plug in their own explanation, but I found it too overwhelmingly unclear to pull a meaning out. I would recommend giving the reader just a few more solid details, and allow all the symbols to remain to keep a sort of gneral depth.
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