Haiku/Senryu / 3/4/09

My heart was certainly warmed by this.
Overall this was well though out and on the face very unique.
The first stanza is great because it evokes imagery that I’ve certainly never seen in a haiku.
Physics haiku are a unique niche that I think you might find is appealing to all those college students out there who study this everyday, and who sit and debate each other about the nature of what is and is not real.
I know that overall these haikus are great in that they use the nature of reality in an intellectually pleasing way
Thanks for writing these, I really enjoyed reading them =)  

I thought it was very in depth, and I like that. I look foward to your next piece.

Cute. I love “non-haiku” haiku (i.e. ones not set in nature, as tradition would have us write them).

Very playful subject. Win!

I can’t comment on the accuracy of the physics, but they look good to this layman!  Very clever and a good idea.  I have to be constructive, so my only minor comment is on splitting L2 and L3 in #3, which is something I generally try to avoid.  It’s hardly a big deal though.

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March 18, 2009

by Deadsage

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28	M	Springfield, MO	November 21

you recognized it as physics, that’s good enough for me.  Thanks

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HAHA, this haiku is seriously awesome.

I think you have portrayed Einstein’s theories quite well in this poem.

keep up the good work, you seriously are good at these. I can’t wait to read more!

-Walker

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March 11, 2009

by Deadsage

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28	M	Springfield, MO	November 21

I hope that even Einstein would find these funny… then again he’d probably show me where I’ve got it wrong. =)

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Very clever use of the 5-7-5 haiiku form to deliver information but I just don’t get that a-haaa realisation from line 1 or 3 of each stanza.  It doesn’t have to be both you choose which one yourself.  Otherwise you are perfectly on the right track in my understanding.

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March 10, 2009

by Deadsage

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28	M	Springfield, MO	November 21

each stanza deals with an important discovery in “special and general relativity”  Eistein had the “aha” moment, I’m just playing with his ideas.

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I liked the scientific allusions, especially in this strict structure I find that owrks well in general. I would have liked more specific images to hold on to. At the end, as a reader, I am left without much to remember, nothing sticks in my mind. For example : “light through a vaccuum” what does that look like? or in L5, DESCRIBE the lightning striking, so many images to draw from there. I think if you integrated the images with the scientific it would be a really spectacular poem.

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March 10, 2009

by Deadsage

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
593	91.9% (308 votes)	35.5%

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28	M	Springfield, MO	November 21

Yes, whenever you reference specific writings, in this case “Special and General Relitivity” you run the risk that the reader will have no idea what image you are creating.
I’d probably have to abandon haiku format, but you are right that more description never hurts.

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Even though it’s just for fun it’s really good. I like how it’s short and sweet and just flows really nice unlike others who feel they have to make things rhyme and completely strain to make it that way. Keep writting. I like your Einstein inspiration! Haha!

This is pretty good I could imagine Einstein actually writing this, Good work and definatly very creative.

Very fun!  To take those words and turn them into Haiku is quite a talent.  I think this would make for a great little publication in a science magazine.  Very creative and very well done.