Journal, Diary, & Blogging / unrequited love sufferers

In the dictionary unrequited love is defined as “love that is not openly reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired”. True. But what the dictionary doesn’t mention is the complete utter pain one goes through when going through unrequited love. It doesn’t mention how it is possibly the most brutal emotion around, the emotion that can drive the victims insane and almost kills them.

For those who have not ever felt feelings of unrequited love they cannot even be able to imagine the pain and torture that is involved. No matter how many different hairstyles you wear, who you choose to act like, or how many times you go to parties with your friends you always come home to that empty feeling as you sleep. You want to just forget the memories and move on, but at the same time forgetting means you have to give up on the past, which you don’t always want to do. Victims of unrequited love usually have a terrible habit of living through the past rather then the present. They say “there are plenty of fish in the sea” what they don’t realise is you will only settle for the one fish who wont take the bait.

It makes you feel like the smallest, tiniest human that ever existed. It makes you feel completely utterly worthless. You don’t want to witness your lovers face, or see them smile or have anything to do with them for that matter, but at the same time you cant help it; you still watch them as they pass you in the hallways, you still imagine what they are doing in that minute of time, you still walk past their house to feel the past. They are like a drug; you know you shouldn’t look, you know its not good for you but at the same time you just can’t help it.

You don’t know what to do with yourself, you cant lock yourself in a room and go over the blissful memories you had together because that’s enough to make anyone insane, you cant talk to them and see how there going because that only leads to disappointment. But you can’t forget, you can forgive, you can’t ignore. It’s as though your brain is saying “move on for god’s sake your killing yourself here!” but your heart simply won’t let you, trapping you, torturing you.

Many people survive unrequited love, offcourse they do. Many people waste years wanting that one person they would die for just to realise that there are so many more options, and so many people who care, so many people who will make you feel special. Eventually you move on, it does become a memory and it doesn’t lead your future. You look back thinking what an idiot you where for wasting so much time and one day, how very far away it might seem, you laugh about it. And you look back thinking how could it have been so hard?

Unrequited love is extremely painful. I would know, I’m going through it right now. But what I also know is it’s not the end of the world, although sometimes it can disguise itself that way. It is survivable although it does take a lot of patients. You start to think about the person less and less, until one day you realise you nearly forgot they existed. Little pieces of you start to come back and begin to fall for new people, experience the same flying motion and your heart begins to heal, not broken, just a little dented.

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