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Short Story / Lost and Found
Desperation is when everything you do starts to seem completely hopeless; when your whole world becomes a nightmare and you’d do anything to make it right again. People’s true colours come out when they are desperate but not everyone’s true colours aught to be seen. It’s the moments when you see no way out of your nightmare that can turn your world around. It’s these moments when the biggest mistakes are made; psychopaths don’t think before they act, alcoholics give in to their temptations, drug abusers take that one last ecstasy pill that shutdowns their brain leaving them stone cold.
She was 5 years old when I stole her from you. I remember perfectly the snails printed on the wall paper that glared at me through the night, I remember the snow white teddy bear lapsed between her brittle arms, I remember the way her curly blonde hair fell on her pillow and the way her calm chest rose and fell with her hushed breaths. I remember her silenced scream as I smothered her pleading her not to cry, I remember her desperate struggle as she latched onto the door handle screaming for you to save her but most of all I remember the feeling of contentment that washed over me when I finally had my baby girl back in my arms. As I walked past broken beer bottles and lost futures I remember clearly the first words that I said to my little girl. “One day, you will thank me for this”
It’s been exactly 1675 sleeps, 17 houses, 6 identities and 5 of the happiest years of my life. When you find something that you have been missing your whole life you would do anything to never loose it again. Discovering the smell of her hair in the morning, or the tiny dimples that showed when she smiled where the best things I ever found in my life. It scares me to know that I could have missed the way she dances out of rhythm to every kind of music, or the way she reads the last page of every book before deciding weather the beginning is worth it or not. When something has been missing in your life for so long finding it again doesn’t become a dream come true but instead a time line ticking down the days to when you are going to loose it again.
As I watched the dreaded police car park in my drive way the whole world seemed to slow down, as if I was watching my life from a television screen rather then through my own startled eyes. The echoing sounds of Sophie’s favourite show the saddle club seemed to disappear as I watched the costumed man climb out of his car followed by the dark haired women who once held me by a string, the women that saved my life but ruined it all at the same time. I saw you for the first time in nearly 7 years and you still managed to send my heart in fireworks.
I knew what was coming next because it had appeared in my nightmares uncountable times before. My perfect world was about to tear apart leaving nothing but the invisible creases for memories. How would I ever believe that for 5 beautiful years I had everything I wanted and more if all the proof was about to be taken away from me?
In acts of desperation I did the thing that I was best at; I became the missing person. I took the 3 things that had been holding my life together, my bank card, my passport and my daughter. I ignored the frantic doorbell or the fact that no matter how fast I ran or how far I went the police could easily out run me and sooner or later my fate would announce. Instead of thinking about all the mistakes I was making or all the people I was going to hurt ran out the backdoor taking no time to turn around and watch the trouble behind me, just like I did 1675 night ago. I had been a missing person for 5 years now; surely I could be a missing person for just a bit longer.
As I grabbed my daughters hand a ran I no longer heard her desperate questioning “what’s happening daddy? Where are we going? What’s the police man doing at our door?” she was clenching onto the same snow white teddy bare in her arms bring back memories of the either the luckiest night of my life, or the unluckiest. I didn’t see the neighbours mystified glares or hear the screams of police men threatening me to stop. I didn’t even see your heartbroken soul appearing with hope. All I saw was the road ahead, leading me towards a dead end.
It was far more painful then I could ever have imagined. It wasn’t the beating and forcing my baby out of my hands that hurt me, or the handcuffs tightly grasped around my wrists causing circulation to stop, it watching my baby girl give me the most horrified and heartbroken look. All this time I thought I had been the victim; I had been the good guy who lost his daughter when really all alone I was the monster who broke your heart and stole your daughter away hiding her from the truth.
It’s been 6 years locked away in this hideous cell and still I can remember exactly the way you looked when we first met. I remember how you couldn’t stand the taste of peanut butter, or how you’re favourite sound was the sound leaf’s being crunched in the autumn months. I remember the way you use to shrug your shoulders when walked past a mirror, and the way no matter what I did I could never be good enough for you.
Sophie was the one girl in my life who I didn’t have to earn love from. She loved me even when I told horrible jokes, or failed to earn enough money. She loved me when I drank my fourth bottle of beer that night, fifth bottle, sixth bottle… she even loved me when I didn’t have the strength to love myself. That’s what makes Sophie such much better then you ever where; she didn’t judge me, she didn’t see the holes in her perfect life and she didn’t neglect to tell me how much she loved me even when she saw the mess I was in. I saw perfection and so did she. That’s the one thing you can and never will see. Perfection exists, but only when you stop looking.
Take the soul mate from a soul and nothing would ever replace what use to be, take the child away from a mother and they would deem their life perfect if they got their baby back. Take the breath away from a person, even for just a minute or two, and they would never take that breath for granted again. The problem with life is that nobody knows how wonderful their life is until they loose it all. The richest and luckiest of people never know true happiness because they never know what it is like to have something missing from their lives.
Start with nothing and something could be your everything, start with everything and nothing can fill the holes.
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I liked this very much. You captured a lot of feeling in this. You have all the people that are huring the most. You also ended it with a very creative ending. It made me feel the pain and joy of both parents and the little child. It also covers why everything is so meaningful and be glad we have it. You have done a great job here.
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