Thanks for the review.
I think the capital is in their for the beginning of the line (I’m genuinely OCD about that sort of thing!)
“The poem is titled “XY, XY” in the poem, X,Y and X exist”. Good observation, try looking at the last line again! :P
Poetry / XY, XY (Analysis)
Purest vision,
Fanatical following.
How the planets move, X.
Ears rush past,
A thunderous fluttering
Reverberates, but never truly copies.
Breathing deeply
Not breathing at all
The paradoxical state of control.
The body does not belong to Y.
Celestial being,
Awaiting true love's first kiss? (X)
As certain as snow.
Secrets cannot be told.
Why?
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ConfusedSongwriter reviewed Version 1 -
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I loved it. This could be a great song if you really work at it. I wish you luck in your songwriting, and have a good life
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Vato reviewed Version 1 -
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Good read, and good meter. I can’t add too much.
thunderous fluttering Reverberates, but never truly copies. – not seeing the significance in the capitalized Reverberates. maybe this is due to the poem structure.
One final thought. The poem is titled “XY, XY” in the poem, X,Y and X exist. I wonder if you can work that final “Y” from the title in there. Your casual reader will never notice, but those that seek to appreciate poetry in all it’s symbolic glory certainly will…
~vato
Spriglief reviewed Version 1 -
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The title was inspired and so unusual that I had to read it as soon as I saw it.
I’m not sure of the plot, but it seems to be a genetic. We are definitely not copies of our parents. I thought your poem intellectually stimulating.
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