Short Story / Pacing (Analysis)
Thomas watched the guard from behind the bars of the cell. The man was irritating him with his constant pacing, and Thomas felt his fingers twitching with the desire to force him to be still. He longed for a knife, a gun, anything to make the guard stop.
“Something wrong, sir?” he drawled instead. Maintaining his relaxed posture he clenched his fists to hide the reflexive twitching. His lanky legs stuck out in front of him, still clad in the grease stained pants he’d been wearing when they’d arrested him. He studied one of the stains, carefully not looking at the guard’s face.
The guard stopped and glanced at the prisoner. “Shut your mouth,” the man said with a snarl, and resumed his pacing.
Thomas felt his eye start to twitch along with his fingers. This really wouldn’t do. They could arrest him, but putting him here with this unreasonable guard. If the man would just stop moving, if he’d just stay still maybe Thomas wouldn’t mind it so much. Every step drove him mad, every single fucking step rang in his ears the same way that damned woman’s steps had.
He stopped twitching and smiled at the memory. She’d stopped, she’d stood still. If only he could get this guard to do the same, but the man just wouldn’t listen.
Without thinking about it Thomas rose from his relaxed position. He did it slowly and carefully, not being threatening, not moving quickly or dangerously. Walking to the bars and leaning against them was harder, he had to pay attention to the sound of the footsteps and worse, he had to watch as the man put one foot in front of the other over and over and over again until he thought the pattern of it would make him too dizzy to stand.
It made him angry, angrier than he’d been at the woman even.
He made it to the bars and casually leaned, hiding his rage and clenching his fists as he pressed his arms to the cool metal. The guard stopped.
“What are you doing?”
Thomas shrugged. “I needed a stretch, boss. It’s not too much to ask, is it?” He felt his eye twitch again, but the guard showed no sign of noticing. Good.
The guard grunted and to Thomas’ dismay started his damned pacing again. Frantically he spoke again, and was dismayed that his panic snuck into his voice. “Wait, hang on, I got a question, boss.”
“What?” He was annoyed now. Thomas was worried. He just needed him to get closer, just close enough. A shiver crept up his spine and he could feel sweat beading on his forehead. Just like that damn woman. He could feel the tension in his body, the same as with that bitch, and the memory built up his need to make the guard stop moving.
“I-I just want some water. Can I get some water? I don’t feel so great.” Maybe he’d think Thomas was sick, then he’d come closer. Or maybe he’d get the water and bring it over here. Or he might call a doctor. That would be bad. A doctor would ruin everything, there would be lots of people and they’d all be moving and he wouldn’t be able to stop them.
“Water?”
“Yeah, just a drink boss, that’s all.”
The guard hesitated, and then walked out of the room, much to Thomas’ surprise. He hadn’t expected this solution. It wasn’t enough. He’d left and Thomas didn’t feel any less tense. He found himself imagining every step the man was taking, every move he made in Thomas’ imagination drawing another twitch from his eye.
He felt the shaking start and he clutched his fists tighter, trying to stop his mind from thinking about the footsteps.
Suddenly he realized that he wasn’t imagining it anymore. The guard had returned and was carrying a plastic cup filled with water. A sense of relief washed over Thomas. He still had his chance. Of course the guard had needed to leave to get the water. There was no sink in the room; the man must’ve needed to go somewhere else to get it.
Every step closer to Thomas was torture and thrilling pleasure.
The guard’s shoes rang against the floor as he walked around the small table outside the holding cell. Each time his foot hit the floor Thomas clenched his fists a little tighter. Closer.
He held out the cup of water so that Thomas could reach it, but he’d come too close, and none of them knew what Thomas could do.
With a manic shout of pleasure Thomas’ hands shot out and clenched around the guard’s throat. The plastic cup fell to the floor and the water spilled and splashed onto his pants. He felt it sink in and the wet part stuck to the skin on his leg, which for some reason made him giggle wildly.
The guard struggled against Thomas’ clutching hands, but his scrambling fingers were no use against his attacker. Thomas started giggling louder at the look on the man’s face, it was even better than the woman. She hadn’t struggled nearly so hard, and the joy of watching her go from endless frustrating motion to tranquil stillness hadn’t lasted long enough at all. This man was taking a much longer time to go still.
Thomas’ hands relaxed a few minutes after the guard stopped moving at all. He let him fall to the ground and stretched. Finally some quiet. He walked the few short steps back to the far wall of the cell and sat back down into his original position.
Crossing his hands behind his head Thomas began to hum softly as he watched the finally still guard with a sense of utter happiness.
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with his constant pacing, and Thomas felt his fingers twitching – You don’t need a comma here. Only when listing a series of things.
he drawled instead. – He said with a drawl. The other way is kinda awkward.
carefully not looking at the guard’s face. – Careful not to look at the guard’s face.
She’d stopped, she’d stood still. – She’d stopped and stood still. Less repetitive with “she’d”.
He was annoyed now. Thomas was worried. – The guard was annoyed and Thomas was worried.
Wonderful read, I really enjoyed it. I would suggest a touch of visual on the scene and characters, just to make me feel as though I am there.
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Well this made sense, kill him lol. At first I wanted to know why he was in jail , but by the end you gave us a reason letting us know why he will stay in jail forever. I didnt really see the ending coming…I kept wondering okay so what’s going to happen…this was unpredictable and fun in a rooting for the bad guy kind of way. Stupid guard got what he deserved…pacing..pfft
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