Poetry / stretcher

i really love this poem. but if i could add just a touch of constructive criticism, i expected u to expand on the noose metaphor in the first line. it was very original and i thought that the spine on the bend line strayed from the idea of u thinking ur last thoughts before u hung yourself. i think it could have been better if, in order to continue with the metaphor, u said “Your back on his mattress, My feet on your chair?” just a thought. But once again, great imagery, great originality. those seem to be ur strongest traits.

I like this poem a lot. I’m only not sure about “my spine on the bend?” Not sure what you mean by “on the bend.” I also don’t like the contraction of “death’s.” I think it should be “death is..”

wow i love the imagry in this piece, i love the quality of danger in here as well, and i agree with you that the last two lines are quite genius.

I really liked this piece a lot. The contradicting comparisons are great and the imagery is beautiful. My favorite lines are L1 & L2 and L8 & L9, very deep and very moving. Actually the whole poem is deep and moving.
You are quite talented and have a way with words. I am sure you will go far.
(And one more thing, I love your lil Wayne profile photo).
Anyway, great read. Thanx for sharing.
Take care,
Sandra (Alma Libre)