Short Story / Mailbox

This isn’t a story, and shouldn’t be classified as such.  It is flash fiction – an anecdote.  Given its brevity, I recommend the following alterations:

Jon left messages on Jim’s voicemail every day.

Jon no longer leaves messages on Jim’s voicemail.

Poor Jim has layed facedown, naked, and dead for three days.

But nobody else knew Jim was dead -until today.

This infers that someone knows Jim is dead, and that someone is Jon, hence no longer leaving messages. That would suggest Jon killed Jim.  

This forces me to ask the question, no offense intended, ... “So what?”

Now I want to know why it was today that he was found!

Might want to put this under flash fiction.

Obviously, being so short, it presents a hazard to review. Nonetheless, the juxtaposition of the lines work well. The way they vary in rhythm and repitition make the story at least a worthy read.

While tend end is a bit of a suprise twist, it’s almost something of a cliche. Surely there are ways to speak of the divide between two exs then withou implying the old murder angle.

Thats one of my worst nightmares…if one of my friends die..especially long distant..and I never know. I like how we dont really know the exact relationship between the two…I just made me wish we could see him talk with Jason one last time to get a backstory, but sadly it’s never going to happen.