Poetry / Love/Hate Relationship

Hi Sandra. This is so powerful. I know about this kind of love. i have experienced it  myselfand work with the after effects of it. Women discarded by these men, and all they have to show for it is a broken heart and a ruined interpretation as to what love really is.
i see nothing wrong with the format or how well it sounds. I think the slave line hurts it a little. The reader already knows that this type  of man demands everything from a woman. So perhaps this could be take n out of replaced. The rest however is perfect. There is meaning and depth here. Loved it. Sandi

your slaves so numerous,

most of them remain anonymou

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December 11, 2008

by Alma_Libre

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37	F	Catonsville, MD	July 07

Thank you Sandi. I guess I added the ‘slave’ line so I could use the word numerous for the rhyming. I have a problem with that a lot, where I end up going in a different direction or using a random line that weakens the piece only because it rhymes. I need to work on that. I see exactly what you mean though. I’m going to re-read it and see what else I might be able to come up with.
As far as experiencing that kind of love, it seems like that is the only kind of love I attract for some reason. I think every woman deals with this at one point or another, unfortunately. But I try to remain positive about it and think that I become a little wiser each time. Until the next one comes along:) I hope you are in a better place now after experiencing it yourself.
Another good thing is at least it makes for good writing and reading.
Thanx again and take care of yourself,
Sandra

December 12, 2008

by oknapp

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47	F	Salem, IN	November 21

Hi Sandra, no i still like dangerous men but now they must be educated and have a few bucks in their pockets. You be careful. I think the poem is the epitome of a woman’s feelings. I don’t think the poem has to Rhyme. It just needs to sound good when its read. Read it to yourself and see if you stumble over any parts of it. Don’t sell yourself short on this. I would know a good poem and this is one. Drop me a line when you get a chance. Your friend Sandi

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I enjoyed reading this and like the strong declarative ending.  My only critique is to avoid the use of weak words.  If you remove the word “most” from the poem it loses nothing in meaning and content.  So why us it?

Hope you do visit Myspace and look me up, Spriglief.  I have several poems there that I care about and would love your opinion.  Also, I have a new poem up here, “The End of Cycles.”  It is my best because I wrote it for a special person.

Let me know when you have new stuff up.

Spriglief  

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December 11, 2008

by Alma_Libre

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37	F	Catonsville, MD	July 07

Thanx for the review Spriglief. I will take your suggestion into consideration. You definitely make a good point.
I would love to read your poems. Especially the one you wrote for someone you care about. Those tend to be the most powerful and moving, which is my favorite type of poem.
Thanx again for taking the time to read and review my work.
Take care,
Sandra (Alma Libre)

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Hi. I can see how both of the topics mentioned in your notes can be reflected in this poem. But then again it can speak of any obsession. That being said, here are a few things I picked up on:

L8 messes up the rhythm you’ve set for yourself. Maybe take out the only?

I’m not sure how much of a rhyming poem you intentioned this to be, but the rhymes are stronger in the first half of the poem.

So here I will end this,
unsure what my point is,

I think those lines don’t match the strength is the rest of the point. The reader gets the point, and we know its the ending so it seems a little distracting to include these lines.

I think you’ve got a good foundation here and I especially like the last line. Keep writing!

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December 06, 2008

by Alma_Libre

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37	F	Catonsville, MD	July 07

Thank you for your review. After reading your critique I went back and re-read the poem and I see exactly what you are saying. You bring up very good points.
Thanx again.
Take care and God bless,
Sandra (Alma Libre)

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i love the way that you express the addiction, but i see what your saying about love. that is what i would have initally thought. i also love the adjitives you used. great job.

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December 04, 2008

by Alma_Libre

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37	F	Catonsville, MD	July 07

Thank you so much. I am very happy you liked it.
Take care,
Sandra (Alma Libre)

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This is a very good structure for this poem, it sounds to me like the style of Spoken Word. The rhyming is pretty awesome. Only a few comments.

The whole point of poetry is for the writer to get out what they’re feeling and the reader to relate to it in their own way, not for you to tell them what to feel. Other than that and a few minor punctuation problems, I really enjoyed this piece. Good job!

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December 02, 2008

by Alma_Libre

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37	F	Catonsville, MD	July 07

Thanx for the review. And you do make a good point, I will definitely keep that in mind.
Take care.

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