Poetry / Game day Delight (Analysis)

The one line that bothers me is “Mixed up with slightly better than Cheez-whiz” Perhaps there is another way to say what you mean here because I can’t figure it out.

“No party dip of mine you’ll find thyself” this led me to the “salsa” conclusion, I suppose chili can be used, but salsa is more common in that setting so you might want to avoid that description.

I’ve never heard of a Petrarchan, and I wouldn’t know how to spell it. But judging off of your explanation of what one is, I would say you have achieved your goal rather well. It is easy enough to read to understand what your subject is (the chili).

I really enjoyed the rhyming scheme of this poem, more than likely you have a specific requirement as to which lines rhyme or not, but I do enjoy the fact that it does not rhyme in the normal line a line b line a line b route most poets take.

I am now craving chili as a result of your Petrarchan, which I think is the point. So overall, good job. Keep up the good writing.

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January 21, 2009

by wheelchairwriter

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30	M	Stillwater, MN	May 12

For those who are curious the rhyme scheme for this form is ABBA ABBA CDE CDE

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Your poem is an almost perfect ode to an almost perfect snack.  It flows well and is pretty funny.  I can imagine a person standing there looking at all the crap on the shelf wondering which one will taste the best.  Rock on.

I like how the the poem doesn’t go out of its way to make itself rhyme either.  Props to you on that.

One thing, this line here kind of slows it down – Mixed up with slightly better than Cheez-whiz,
Velveeta is that thing with which you’ll pair.

        - but besides that it was pretty entertaining. Now, I’m hungry.

I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS GREAT..I LOVED THE WAY YOU WERE ABLE TO ELIIMINATE THE USAGE OF THE MOST COMMON WORDS USED IN ANYTHING.

Hi there, hope all is well with you,

You know, at first I am thinking, what the heck? Then about halfway thru i started getting this big grin on my face, thinking how clever. One doesn’t come across too many a poem about food so you do create a most unusual piece here. It flows great and you tie everything together very well. It is of the beaten path, my favourite kind of work. This has been assembled quite well, good job, now that I find myself hungry I am going to raid the pantry. me…

I thought that the begining of the piece is very strong, and works.  The last few lines, i feel could use some work wording wise.  Though, it could just be the fact that it’s more obviously about chili the second vrs, that is throwing my imagination off kilter?  Very well done not using the works a, an, or the.. and also good structure.

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November 30, 2008

by wheelchairwriter

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
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30	M	Stillwater, MN	May 12

Well, in my first draft there is a THE in the last line. I caught it and threw it out though. I had to reword everything before the comma.

I know what you mean about the first stanza being more subtle. I don’t entirely (keyword) mind because that was part of my twist in the story.

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