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Young Adult / The Bar: Chapter One (Analysis)

When that man stumbled into the bar, in his undeniable stupor, I know that it was my time to leave. Either that, or have another drink. His gait was unmistakably antalgic, as though his knee were bothering him because of a complication he was either too poor or lazy to correct by means of a hospital. His eyes drifted around in his head as he looked around, desperate to recognize a single face from his alcohol-dependent past. People murmured as he shuffled to the bartender on the right side of the bar. Maybe they recognized him as he sat down and uttered a long, audible groan, because the people adjacent to him quickly paid for their bottle of forgetfulness and walked out of the bar, visibly upset and perturbed by his arrival. I stared at the man from the opposite end of the bar. The short, stocky man that had blocked my view was gone, so I could now see the assumed drunk for what he was. A drunk. The bartender must have known him as well. In the few seconds after he sat down, he was already handing the slob a shot glass and a full bottle of whiskey. Disgusting. His shirt was stained with ketchup and chip stains that seemed days old. The musk he emitted assured me. My nose protested, though I did not move. His words were slurred as he spoke with the barkeeper, something about a movie and his tab. I closed my eyes and took a sip of my own glass, seeking a temporary reprieve from the sullied world that entered my eyes. It tasted...strange. For a moment, it tasted like...her. Azrael. My eyes shot open, and I pushed off from the table not a moment too soon. The sound of the blade slicing through the air was enough to forcibly shake off my drunk facade. I landed on my back and heard the table buckle under the force of the impact. The sickly cracking of old oak made me cringe. I flipped and landed on my feet.  I stared at the devastation that was my previous location, and sure enough, she was there in its wake. A thing of beauty. A harbinger of death.

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icedsapphire avatar General Stranger

November 24, 2008

icedsapphire

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icedsapphire reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item
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Menagerie avatar General Stranger

November 14, 2008

Menagerie

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FrakKevin avatar General Stranger

November 13, 2008

FrakKevin

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
FrakKevin reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

You’re a good writer…great vocabulary. Didn’t even notice you were under 18 until I saw the thing telling me that. So far it’s turning out good even though I’m not clear of what’s going on. Was the drunk guy important to the attack or just a random drunk guy? I would read a part 1 just to understand whats going on.

HermiG avatar General Stranger

November 12, 2008

HermiG

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fancytophat avatar

fancytophat

Age: 18
Loc: West Palm Beach, FL
Gen: M
Last Login: January 05
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