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Sci Fi & Fantasy / The Sons of Light - Chapter Two
Chapter Two
Sitting on his haunches, hidden among the top most limbs of a nearby tree, Michael listened and watched, his heart burning. How could they replace Lilith? She is beautiful. She is perfect! He did not know why he felt as he did, but he did not desire to change his feelings either.
Without any reserve, Adonai had listened to every word Lucifer spoke, so trusting and intimate with his brother. He suddenly hated the cherub. He hated what he was doing to Lilith, replacing her like something defective, something no longer useful. Even more so, he hated that Adonai seemed to have forgotten him, seemed to be replacing him for Lucifer.
"It should be me," he spat once his Lord had left the garden. "What can Lucifer do that I cannot do better?" He was an archangel; he was first among the ranks. [i]I am a Son of Light! [/i]
Michael had always felt himself to be the better of the two, even though Lucifer had always defeated him in everything. His brother was renowned throughout the Kingdom for his musical talents, his skill with a blade, and his beauty; not to mention he was generally well-liked by all. Michael always found himself working twice as hard to be even half as talented as his brother. Now, the cherub was in Adonai's close circle, entrusted with, perhaps, the most important task any angel could be given.
"I've had enough!" He spat as ages of humiliation and inferiority flooded his memories. "We'll see about this," he hissed, ivory feathers bristling as he took off into the clouds.
Ω
Lilith closed her eyes and smiled as she allowed the cool water to carry her off into bliss. She loved spending hours out of her day floating on her back through the vast, seemingly infinite lake.
“Enjoying yourself?”
Lilith opened her eyes, standing to her feet, toes squishing into the soft, muddy bottom.
“Who are you?” She asked the figure sitting on the bank before her. It was similar in form to Adam, shapeless, clearly a male with wavy, shoulder-length hair the color of acorns. His eyes were a piercing green that would envy even the grass he sat upon. Crimson cloth draped his body, a color that picked up the color of his eyes very nicely. The stranger smiled, striking her as odd.
“My name is Michael.”
“What do you want?” She asked, warily stepping out of the water and onto the bank.
“Does Lord Adonai talk to you anymore?”
Lilith balked as the stranger’s abruptness. “What business is it of yours?”
Michael rose to his feet, his ivory wings bursting from his shoulder blades, flaring to their full span. She watched his face twist into a scowl. “I am an Angel of Adonai! It is well within my business woman.”
Lilith was not moved, instead, she stalked closer to Michael until their noses nearly touched. “I don’t care who you are,” she hissed, pushing past the angel.
“You should care who I am.”
“And why is that?”
“I have information you should know.”
“Oh really? What might that be?”
“Answer my question first. Does Lord Adonai talk to you anymore?” Michael demanded.
Lilith stared at him for a moment, measuring her words. “I have not heard his voice since he left me with that wretched, idiot of a man Adam.”
[i]Just as I thought.[/i] “You’ve fallen out of his favor.”
“Why does it matter?”
“You don’t get it do you? When Lord Adonai grows displeased with his subjects, he replaces them. He was unsatisfied with his hundreds of millions of angels, so he created you miserable creatures. Likewise, he stopped conversing with you out of displeasure.”
“So he’s going to replace me? All because I want nothing to do with Adam? I find that hard to believe. You can’t just replace someone,” she snorted.
“He can and he will. You forget who he is.”
Lilith shook her head. [i]This is ridiculous![/i] She took her long, sandy locks into her two slender hands and began wringing the water out of it. As she drained the last few drops of moisture from her hair, she flipped her mane over her shoulders, turning sharply to regard Michael, who still stood behind her, glaring.
“What is he would decide to replace me, what could he do? I thought he needed me.”
“He has already made another in your form and has set the decree that she shall be mother of the earth, not you.”
Lilith could not believe what the angel spoke to her. [i]It can’t be true! But, yes, yes it has to be, they can’t lie.[/i] Her mind began to swim. She collapsed to her knees upon the ground, losing all concept of the things around her.
“No!” She clasped her fists tight, feeling her rage begin to boil. “No! No! No! No!”
“I’m afraid it’s so,” Michael sighed, creeping toward her. “But it doesn’t mean this is the end.”
Lilith looked up at Michael, who knelt before her and placed a hand upon her shoulder. “What are you talking about?”
That strange grin spread itself once more across the angel’s face. “I can help you reclaim your favor with Lord Adonai and your place as mother of this earth.”
Lilith began to refuse, but stopped herself. [i]My place.[/i] She considered the possibilities. For the first time in the past several hours, she felt a true like for the angel. She felt a genuine desire to hear his words. “Tell me everything,” she said. Michael’s grin was no longer eerie.
Ω
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This 470 word review has not been unlocked.
Generally well written. I like the reversal of good and evil
Here the grammar, punctuation and proofreading notes you asked for:
top most = topmost
Using “spat” as a dialogue tag twice so close together is a bit distracting.
...enough!” He spat = he spat (since this is a dialogue tag)
hours out of her day floating (I would delete out of her day here. It makes as much sense without it.)
Adam, shapeless (comma should be a colon to indicate that what follows is an explanation of what comes before.)
that would envy… (This seems to be the wrong way around. Wouldn’t the grass envy the green of his eyes?)
business woman. = business, woman. (comma before direct address)
moved, instead, she… (first comma should be a semicolon)
it do you? = it, do you? (comma before a question tag)
sandy locks . . . out of it. (antecedent problem. Remedy: out of them or change the antecedent to a singular noun.)
“What is he would… (typo?)
a true like = liking ? affinity toward ? kinship ?
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