Chapter One
Golden jets of sunlight knifed through the blue, cloudless sky, piercing through the green foliage of forest canopy. The rays bounced and reflected off the clear waters of the many streams and rivers, giving them a crystal, jewel-like shimmer. Birds of every kind sang their songs of joy; melodies that could be heard for an endless distance, all of which floated through the air to meet the appreciative ears of Heaven's Bringer of Light like a great angelic symphony.
Lucifer tilted his head toward the cobalt sky above, closing his eyes while enjoying the warmth that soaked into him like a loving embrace. He relished the peaceful feeling it gave him. He had witnessed that great star's conception, along with every leaf, root, and blossom of the garden around him and every breathing creature within. He loved it all with his whole heart.
He sat in the lush green grass next to his lord and king, Adonai, watching the great god’s thoughts pass over his ancient face like dark, desolate clouds. After six days of nonstop work, the creativity of his lord had run dry. He now sat unhappy and dissatisfied with his work.
“Adam and Lilith aren’t terrible,” Lucifer offered in an attempt to console the brooding deity. “They will learn to get along eventually.”
“We don’t have that kind of time Lucifer.”
“Can you make them like each other?”
“No. Do you remember that little idea you thought up called free will? That makes such an option impossible.”
Lucifer averted his eyes to a patch of clover in front of him, absently running his hand through the soft leaves. [i]I had forgotten.[/i] He picked a small clover out of the patch, twirling the tiny stem in his fingers. It had a small but on the side, he noted curiously. [i]It will never bloom now.[/i] He lamented as he stared at the small plant. [i]Bloom. Wait! That’s it![/i]
“My lord!”
“Not now,” Adonai murmured with a wave of his hand in dismissal. “Leave me be.”
Lucifer could not accept a dismissal, not with such an idea forming in his mind. “Please, my lord,” he urged. “What if you make a new companion for Adam?”
For the first time in hours, Adonai looked at him in genuine recognition with piercing eyes that contained the universe. He could see his lord thinking over the idea he had put forth, that knowing brow furrowed.
“Yes . . .” Adonai mused. “Yes, I suppose I could.”
At the sudden realization that the creation of a new being in Lilith’s form would be possible, Adonai began to mutter to himself. Lucifer watched, eager, fearful, as his lord began to formulate a plan for the act.
“Of course, I would have to use different materials. The mud is not viable.” Adonai gave an abrupt pause. “Bone.”
“What?”
“Bone. We need bone. Come with me.”
Lucifer followed Adonai on a seemingly aimless pursuit through the brambles and brush of Eden’s endless forests. [i]Bone?[/i] He could not wrap his mind around it. [i]Where are we going to get this bone?[/i] After many minutes he began to hear the droning, rushing sound of moving water. Within moments he was looking at an expansive, roaring river.
“What are we doing here?” He asked. Adonai only pointed to the distance at their left. A pink, hairless creature lay sprawled in the short grass upon the bank, dozing. “Adam?” He inquired.
Adonai nodded. “We shall take a small rib from Adam’s body to make a new mate for him.”
Lucifer was dumbfounded. “He’ll die!”
“You forget who I am!”
Lucifer took several feet back, startled. He bowed his head. “That was not my intention my lord.”
Adonai said nothing, but motioned for him to follow. All was evidently forgiven; after all, there were more important things to be concerned about. He followed Adonai over to the dozing man and watched as Adonai knelt over him and waved his hands above the area of the body containing the ribcage. Lucifer felt his chin grow slack, as if it would fall off his face, while watching a small opening form at the base of the man’s chest. A small, gray bone floated out, the wound closing immediately behind it with not a scar to be found.
“That’s all there is to it.” Adonai stated matter-of-factly. “Now let us leave before he wakes.”
The two returned to the small meadow they had come from. Lucifer took a seat after his lord, who began examining the bone. He watched as Adonai turned the object over in his hands, humming incoherent words every so often. As they sat there, the sun slowly passed overhead, casting shadows over the ground as day gave way to evening. Time was soon lost to him as he grew heavy-eyed, passing into the world of daydreams.
A voice called to him from close by, at first seeming distant and fuzzy, but soon growing louder and clearer. He shook his head, dark locks of hair brushing his cheeks as some form of reality came back to him. "Are you paying attention?" The voice called again. It was Adonai.
"Yes, my Lord,” Lucifer asserted.
"Good. Now watch."
He nodded, shaking off the still lingering dreamy state he was in. He could not recall how long they had been in the garden, sitting as they were, while Adonai tried to iron out the final details of his last creation. He hoped after this last effort, everything would be complete and as it should be and that Adonai would finally be pleased. Hopefully Adam will be pleased.
He watched as Adonai slowly and painstakingly molded and shaped this new being into form, sitting silent and humble as he witnessed his master at work. He stared with great fascination as bones gave way to pale flesh. Slender arms and legs complimented a smooth and curvy torso. A face delicate, beautiful, and intelligent was the last feature to be bestowed. As he examined this wondrous specimen, Lucifer found he could not tear his eyes away from it.
"It is finished?" He asked with a voice barely above a whisper.
"Almost."
Long, thick, and wavy brown hair spilled down over the beings shoulders, a stark contrast to Lilith’s sleek and smooth golden locks. Lucifer was awestruck.
Adonai leaned over the creature and took a deep breath, slowly exhaling in a steady stream. The once colorless skin turned an exotic shade of light, sun-kissed brown. A wide, pleased smile spread across the god’s face. Lucifer new there was only one thing left to do, give it life. He watched as Adonai leaned in and bestowed a light kiss on the creature’s beautiful, smooth cheek.
Lucifer jumped a bit in his seat, joy rising within him. He clasped his hands together in praise
"She is grand!” He exclaimed. Adonai said nothing, but continued to look the woman over.
"She shall be the mother of this earth and multiply her kind. I have great plans for her,” his lord said finally.
“And what about Lilith?” Lucifer wondered.
“She chose her fate when she rejected Adam and can care for herself. It is Eve’s time now.”
“Shall we take her to Adam then?”
Adonai shook his head. “They must find each other on their own.”
“But this garden is endless. It could take ages!” Lucifer protested, looking around to see that Adonai had sudden left his seat and was several paces away.
"My Lord, you can't just leave her here alone." The statement had left his mouth before he could stop them and Adonai turned around, eyes stern.
"She’s not alone. I'm leaving her in your care."
Lucifer choked. "My care? I know nothing of how to care for this!"
"I've told you all you need to know about this garden, use that knowledge and you will do splendidly. Teach her my laws. Be her guardian.”
“But my lord . . .” Lucifer began before he was interrupted.
“This is an important task, Lucifer and I am entrusting it to you and you alone. Do not fail me."
"Y—yes my Lord," Lucifer stuttered as he conceded to the job, He rose from where he sat, slipping into a deep bow, honored and shocked with the faith Adonai was putting in him. "I shall try my best," he added.
Adonai looked upon him and for a brief moment; the deity’s expression was blank. "You will do your best," he corrected. "Oh, and give her a name." Adonai added, turning away and leaving him in the garden alone and puzzled.
He sighed and hoped he could live up to his Lord's expectations. [i]I am entrusting you with this task.[/i] The words rang loud in his mind. It was such a heavy responsibility to bear. [i]Such a heavy burden.[/i]
"A name. . ." he remembered. "A name."
Lucifer rubbed his nose, looking at the woman before him, who would soon wake from slumber. She needed a name fitting her, a name as earthy and beautiful as she was. He decided on the angelic term for earth and nature. “Eve. The woman shall be called Eve."
Suddenly aware of the fact that Eve was now beginning to stir where she lay, he made himself scarce among the shadows of the trees until he found the right moment for introductions.
Ω
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I enjoyed this piece. Creation stories are always tough and I think you were sucessful in walking a fine line. I think the character of Lucifer was for once actually depicted realistically as the former Right Hand of God. The reader is introduced to Lucifer as a caring individual who is attempting to obey God’s strict commands. A very delicate line.
I didn’t see too many grammer errors, some polishing may be needed.
There was a part in the middle ”Lucifer jumped a as some form of” i think you need to omit the ‘a’.
I would look up the original pronuciation of the word eve maybe in hebrew or arabic. It may be “eve” but alot of words that translates back end up changing through roman latin, english, spanish, arabic ect.
To me, creation stories are more belieable if the names are as these characters would have addressed them to eachother. Just a suggestion though.
So far so good. Good luck!
You’ve chosen a very interesting viewpoint. I like how Adonai is like the grouchy, sarcastic, knows-everything “evil overlord”, and Lucifer is subservient, yet still speaks his mind prudently. I can see he’s beginning the process of defecting. Lucifer is coming across as a sympathetic character where Adonai is not. Lilith is a good addition for this type of story, as she is overlooked in other stories and within Christianity in general.
As for grammer, syntax, etc., You need to be consistent when Lucifer is addressing Adonai or mentioning him in the course of the narrative as “Lord”. As it’s a title, “Lord” should be capitalized throughout, and I noted several places where it wasn’t.
Also, you alternate between ending your dialogue like this,” and like this.” ending it the latter way is fine when you’re ending the complete sentence, however, when you add the “he said..” you should use the ,” ending. (The “he said” should also be lowercase as it is part of the same sentence).
Lasty, this is just a matter of personal preference, but I feel “Adonai gave an abrupt pause” would read better as “Adonai paused abruptly”.
Hope this helps.
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