Poetry / The Method of Blindness

First off, “so” is a word that has to go, it is used excessively throughout the poem and is not needed. Back to S1, it would read much more effectively as ‘it was not/inconceivable,/you approached me -/I saw you/like a setting sun.’ The lack of punctuation throughout the piece makes it difficult to know where one thought ends and another begins. How do we know she was scathed by nostalgia? It is telling and the reader needs showing, how was she scathed? What hurt her? If it was a her, it could be a him. Why are there colors that cannot be seen? ‘I was soon taking you off’ is repeated twice’ is this purposeful or a typo? The second time seems redundant. “Did no one realize I was there?” So far in the poem, only two people are mentioned, the narrator and the other. Where do the other people come from? This has potential in an eerie way, not quite sure where it is going at this time, but would like to read a revision.

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November 16, 2008

by Feign

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26	F	Lewisville, TX	December 09

Thank you for reviewing my poem. I can see your point about the word ‘so’.

You’re thinking about it too much, the lack of punctuation is how I like it ^_. I find punctuation more restraining than not and hurtful in the ambiguity that I try to achieve. I’ll admit it’s not a perfected craft! HA! ^_0

There is no need to go into the nostalgia. Or any of the 5 W’s for that matter. It defeats the purpose of the poem. Nostalgia is pretty self explanatory. Pretty word for those who like to dwell on the past.

“Why are there colors that cannot be seen?”- It is in the action, she fell in between the twilight… in such a close up look at something you usually just admire from far away, you see a far greater spectrum of things…..

‘I was soon taking you off’ is repeated twice’ is this purposeful or a typo? -  It’s two separate things going on here… pretty clear… I was soon taking you off to bed….THEN I was soon taking you off. And that can be taken in many ways too….

I think that last like ties everything in.
I’ll give it a few more reviews before i revise it.

November 16, 2008

by Willow_Wren

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63	F	Germantown, NY	March 19

nostaligia…a word that means different things to different people. Better you tell them what you mean by nostalgia here than letting them guess. Better said perhaps: She was scathed by bittersweet, honey and vinegar, sweet sorrow memories of love lost. or: forgotten shadows that made her heart ache. I really don’t know because I don’t know what you mean by nostalgia, please tell us how she was not scathed by ‘nostalgia.’ I don’t know, truly I don’t. I beg of you.

November 17, 2008

by Feign

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26	F	Lewisville, TX	December 09

Nah. Just nostalgia.
Whatever kind the reader wants it to be.

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The magic of human chemistry is one of the hardes things to capture in words, I believe. I love seeing how other poets treat that subject.

I adore your take. “I saw you like a setting sun” That’s breathtaking, and I’ve felt it—that you for putting those words together!

”...your name did you no good but it was you” I love the recognition here—whether it’s physical or spiritual, it reminds me of a communion of two people, there in a moment.

The speaker’s perception of this person is shrouded in mystery, but I’m glad you did’t clutter the work with too much detail. It it a transcending moment in time, and I love the aura that falls around the the last two stanzas especially.

Captured fantastically!!

McKinley

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November 10, 2008

by Feign

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26	F	Lewisville, TX	December 09

Oh my. Thank you so much.

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