Novel Treatments / Dundy Sugarpops chapter two
Dear Susanna,
I developed as a writer in my high school years, during which time I was ardently praised and encouraged by my English teacher, and persuaded to read my stories aloud to the class. My classmates always enjoyed my work and I learned to write in such a way as to keep their attention by amusing them and interjecting little known facts and information.
I am submitting a story for your perusal, entitled, Dundy Sugarpops, an endearing, heartwarming tale of a dachshund puppy named, Dundy. The story is based on an actual dachshund puppy--my own--and is told in the third person, much of the time from the perspective of the puppy. I feel this story would appeal to a wide and varied readership, both middle-grade readers and young adults, and perhaps even adults, for who among us has not owned and loved a puppy?
The story concerns the daily life and interactions of Dundy with his owners, a married couple named Tony and Ruth,with special emphasis on Dundy's bewildered perceptions of the world around him--his fear of shh sounds, his conviction that the crows in the backyard are laughing at him,and even his animal awareness of God. Dundy's befuddled impressions of Tony's 'holic friend, Jude, and his wife Rose, and Tony's guitar buddy, Greg are humorous and a delight to read.
Dundy's thoughts about Pippa, the neighbor's female dog, are at times hilarious. Throughout the story, Tony and his buddies discuss esoteric theories of Biblical events and speculate about ufos, the hereafter, and life on other planets--most of which is over Dundy's head, but he listens attentively, hoping to glean scraps of food that may fall on the floor as the discussions become heated.
Dundy's relationship with his brother, Chase, Tony's cat is entertaining and poignant. When Chase and Grandpa, Tony's Dad die, Dundy grieves and mourns the events with Tony and Ruth and attempts to console them as only a puppy can. Dundy is not certain what dead is, but he is sure he does not want to be it.
Many of my friends have read this story and expressed delight with it, inquiring as to whether there may be a sequel? I believe many people might come to love this story, were it available in printed form. Would you be interested in publishing it? I am enclosing the first chapter. There are thirty others.
1. Shhhs
Dundy Sugarpops was a little, wiggly, weenie, slinky dog. He lived with an old, married couple named Tony and Ruth who loved him dearly and treated him like one of the family, which he was. Dundy was a happy puppy, indeed a joyful puppy, one of those rare breed of sugar puppies, the sweetest dogs in the world. The three of them lived in a place called Duluth, Minnesota.
Dundy had been born just over a year ago, somewhere in Nebraska. Benkelman, to be exact, which was in Dundy county. That is why Tony and Ruth had named him Dundy. That was fine with Dundy. He was just relieved they had not named him Benkelman. He could not imagine going through life with a moniker like that. What would the neighbors think?
All Dundy could really remember of Nebraska was the wind. He was not sure exactly what it was, because he could not see it. But sometimes it would come roaring up out of nowhere and the leaves on the trees and the tall grasses would make a terrible shhh sound that terrified Dundy. If Dundy was outside, the wind tried to pick him up under the belly and send him sailing. Once, Dundy had gone over the side of the porch and rolled down a thing called a hill. It was not fun and Dundy never wanted to do it again. If he heard shhh sounds all he could think about was hiding under the bed.
The problem was, lots of things made that sound. When Tony and Ruth took him for rides in their kennel on wheels, all the other kennels went shhh as they went past. If water fell out of the sky, it went shhh. The plastic skins Tony and Ruth brought home from the store went shhh. Tony thought Dundy's fear of sacks was funny, for some reason, and he would crumple them at Dundy. Dundy would run away so fast, his nails clicking in alarm on the kitchen tile, it seemed he was running in place and getting nowhere. Tony thought this was hilarious but Dundy did not think it was funny at all.
Tony and Ruth themselves would go shhh sometimes. When they did it, it meant for Dundy to be quiet. Dundy would be trying to clear his throat and Tony would go shhh!
"He's making so much noise I can't hear the TV!" Tony complained.
"I think you're going deaf, is what I think," was Ruth's opinion.
"I'm not deaf!" Tony would shout. And then Ruth would shhh him.
Sometimes Tony would deliberately mispronounce Dundy's name, calling him 'Dummy'. What made it worse was Dundy would fall for it and come running. He thought there might be a treat in it for him. Tony and Ruth gave him treats--"Good boy bones," Ruth called them--chewy, bacon flavored things Dundy loved. Sometimes the treat was a real bone from a place called the Store. Dundy especially liked these and he would gnaw them noisily in the living room till Tony started going shhh. Then Dundy would take his treat to the green rug in the doorway between the dining room and the kitchen, where he usually ate his meals.
He would take mouthfuls of dry food from his dish in the kitchen and deposit them on the green rug, and eat each piece one at a time. Tony and Ruth could not understand why he did this. Simple. It tasted better somehow and it lasted longer than when they gave him wet food. He inhaled wet food and it was gone. Once, Tony had stepped on a piece of dry food Dundy had left on the rug and he said something that sounded like shhh. It scared Dundy! After that he tried to clean up the mess he made, but sometimes he became distracted and would forget to finish eating.
Tony had an Office in the spare room off the kitchen where he kept his other TV, the 'Puter. He would sit in there for hours, typing and moving something like a good boy bone around on the desk. Previously, the spare room had been full of junk, and Dundy had never been in there. Naturally, he was curious about why Tony was in there so much. One day Dundy got the nerve up to venture into the Office. Tony noticed him timidly entering the room, inch by inch, head lowered, ears alert in case the 'puter went shhh--one never knew.
"It's okay, puppy," said Tony. He reached out his hand, trying to coax Dundy to come to him. Dundy was not too sure he wanted to come any closer and Tony leaned over more, beckoning to him. Suddenly, Tony's chair tipped sideways and Tony went Thud! on the floor, his arm stretched out like a tree limb frozen to the carpet. He started shouting the shhh word again and Ruth ran into the office going shhh to see what was the matter. There was far too much shhhing going on and Dundy scampered into the bedroom to hide under the bed.
In the end, it all worked out nicely. Tony got over it and loved Dundy up to show him he was not angry. The truth was, Tony thought it was kind of funny. Ruth laughed herself silly when she saw what had happened. But it would be a long time before Dundy tried going back into the Office, no matter how much Tony tried to coax him.
Another thing Dundy was wary about was the Lake. Tony and Ruth loved to go there looking for pretty stones called 'agates'. This was okay with Dundy. He just wished they would not take him with them. The Lake was full of shhhs and the ground was different there--'sand', they called it. Sand went up his nose and made him sneeze as though he were lying on his back.
The Lake was like the bathtub at home and Dundy liked that about it. When Tony took baths he took Dundy in with him and lathered him up with special doggy shampoo. Dundy would lap up water like it was going out of style. The shampoo gave it a taste different from the water in his dogdish.
"It won't hurt him," Tony assured Ruth. "It's like baby shampoo, for babies."
"But not to drink," Ruth argued.
"No, but it won't hurt him. He likes it, don't you Buppy?"
Buppy was one of his nicknames. They also called him their doggie friend, their puppy pal, their canine company. This made Dundy happy because he knew they loved him very much. It was good to be loved. He tried to clear his throat and it came out barking. He had not known he could do this. Tony and Ruth stared at him in surprise. He barked again.
"Shhh!" went Tony.
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Ruth,with – missing a space
him,and – same thing again
are at times hilarious – I’m not sure about telling someone that something is hilarious, I believe that his observations probably are funny and I’ll find out as I read on but everyone has different humour and publishers probably won’t be impressed with being told that something is funny.
glean scraps – clean scraps?
fine with Dundy. – You use Dundy a lot in the previous sentence perhaps just say ‘that was fine with him’
I’m not sure if you realise but you have both the query letter and first chapter here twice, is the second one a correction?
Overall this piece is entertaining I think you’re right about it being marketable to children although young adults I think will find they are to ‘old’ to read a piece like this.
It was nice to read from a dogs perspective not something you get everyday.
Well done
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I enjoyed the story. I found it to be very imaginative and eye-opening. Children will love it and adults will understand their dogchild in new ways. I actually began to see through an animals point of view. I look forward to the following chapters. You do have a flare for writing in a way that holds ones interest.
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