At times I think that you should try,
To close your lips and hold your breath,
Unless of course you want to die,
A much hastier and painless death,
Don’t show you’ve been affected,
To yet another so called friend,
So that you won’t be rejected,
And may continue to pretend,
Like everything’s been fine for years,
Another glass of lies you pour,
Hide your pain and halt those tears,
To escape the life you now abhor,
Far too scared to show your face,
Behind a painted mask you hide,
Still trying to ignore this place,
And brushing all your hope aside,
You’ve acted out this irksome mime,
Secretly you’ve lost your grip,
Disregarding the hands of time,
As you take yet another sip,
I find you often irritating,
Becoming my unwilling task,
Your attitude is so frustrating,
When trying on another mask,
So very eager to please,
And so destined to fail,
You’re talking with ease,
Though your mind is so frail,
Thoughts are scattered,
What is it you want?
Another glass shattered,
A drunken jaunt,
I now have to warn,
Your guard is down,
The pages all torn,
Your mask a frown,
I see another bloodied fist,
From a wall you hit today,
I think that I must now insist,
It’s time again to go away.
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The imagery and clarity are both right on and the flow and rhyme are wonderful as well. Good job!!!
very nice and this seems as a relationship that takes a turn for the worse… the 2nd and third stanzas are my favs, especially the part that says that they will continue to pretend, basically playing the victim in the whole situation and turning to people that would more than likely take their side and the third stanza explains the falling out of favor, because they are now disgusted with the life or lifestyle that they are living and are trying to find anyway to get out of it… Well with that said I’ll end my ranting… nicely done and the grammar seems on par… Keep at it
An extremely well versed and powerful poem about a co-dependent and their secreted thoughts about an alcoholic partner. Your end rhyme is consistent and well thought out, it doesn’t feel too trite here even though the subject matter is intense.
The feet/meter within each verse does vary but I don’t know that it matters too much because you effectively tell the story. It does, however, pitch the momentum a bit sideways towards the end, forcing the reader to slow down the pace.
“I now have to warn,
Your guard is down,
The pages all torn,
Your mask a frown,” – I would delete this entire verse as it is not really telling anything more than what has so effectively already been said and it feels less thought out than the other verses (like an aside)
Hi there!
I read this a few times thru, allowing it to soak in, to feel the writer’s emotions. You have a very clever-underlying style I love. It is like, you want to just explode but refrain from doing so, realizing if you do, and the other wins. A couple of lines really struck me, first one is;
“Another glass of lies you pour” I found this quite stirring and genius at the same time, very well done!
The other is this stanza;
“You’ve acted out this irksome mime,
Secretly you’ve lost your grip,
Disregarding the hands of time,
As you take yet another sip,
I found this to be quite compelling, containing so much clever emotion and written in such a unique way. The irritating mime has lost the connection with you, slipping away without even realizing it, just sitting back and taking you for granted. At least, this is how it made me feel. You have a wonderful talent. Please, please let me know again when you create another piece of ‘art’! me…
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