Poetry / Through his eyes

She walks into the room, and all eyes turn to gaze upon her. His heart leaps into his throat, making it almost impossible to speak. Beauty is an angel in a white dress, and he can’t take his eyes off her. As she floats towards him, his mind goes blank of all but her glowing face. His pulse begins to race, and the butterflies in his stomach take flight, trying valiantly to escape the confines of their prison. The world slowly fades away, until nothing can be seen but the ethereal glow of their intertwined souls. Slowly reality comes back into focus, as elegance steps up beside him swathed in silk. His senses reel, waking to all around him, as he beams down into her smiling eyes. From his open mouth, words spill out into scented air like a waterfall into a spray of mist. “You’re beautiful.” he breaths. Perfection giggles and places her delicate hand on his arm, and together they turn to face their destiny. As the final echoing chords of the organ fade, into expectant silence.

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

October 23, 2008

jadedpoet

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
353	77.3% (75 votes)	26.0%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
40	M	Norcross, GA	November 18

jadedpoet reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Hi there,

Picture my jaw on the floor, for that is where it ended up after reading, no, absorbing this treasure. You possess such a natural gift to convey such suttle warmth, so adorable. If I may, a couple of items I would look at are:

“From his open mouth”, how about this? “From his tender lips”?, just a thought.

“The world slowly fades away” I like the feel of; “His world slowly fades away”

Just my humble opinion, you my dear, are the blessed writer. I am in awe of your gift to paint such warmth, such passion, such tremendous visuals that just blow me away… me…