Poetry / Have You Ever Been Me?

Have You Ever Been Me?

I wish you could be me for one day and feel what I feel.

My world is full of phantoms, Once filled with color and texture drained into dark and colorless.

Maybe you have seen these apparitions too
Loneliness seems to be my only friend

I live in silence. Have you ever listened to nothingness?

I try to express my feeling in prose
A cry for help I suppose. Is this what you do sometimes?

I grieve for something that has no name. Maybe you can relate.

I try not to think of my pain. But it is always there, hovering like a dark cloud before a rain.

Maybe you have felt like this, too.

If you could step into my shoes then you might understand just how lonely I am. Are your shoes like mine?

Maybe we are not that different—you and I. Maybe we all cry when life hands us a load to heavy to bear.

I am lost in a vast and strange world that seems to have no room for me. Have you ever felt lost?

Maybe someday the sun will shine through my gloom, and I can smile for a while.

I am tired
of the stress, the mess and strife. I inherited from the grownups in my life.

I feel shattered like broken glass scattered shards, delicate and translicent all over the place. Are you broken too?

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Reviews

April 04, 2009

DrChaos

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
144	75.0% (36 votes)	37.9%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
52	M	Staten Island, NY	October 04

DrChaos reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Its a bit choppy in the lines where you ask the questions. In some sections you don’t ask a question, like the 2nd to last stanza.

I think the lines where you say “I am lost..” and the question works the best.

Also I think if you put the line starting with “Maybe we are not…” at the end, it would work better since that line is more of a conclusion.

Hope this helps!

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December 29, 2008

CloClo

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
67	71.4% (42 votes)	12.3%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
16	F	United Kingdom	July 10

CloClo reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

The urgency to feel like you belong is very strong in this poem. With the endless ammounts of questions and ‘food for thought’ engaging the reader.

The scattered layout and lack what seems a lack of structure builds an idea of confusion and an idea of being lost and lonely, not quite knowing where you stand or where you belong.

There is not much flow to this piece and that makes some people feel uncomfortable which I think works really well here because it is quite a blunt piece, almost desperate.

I like it :)