well, you know, i do what i can. sometimes the words just play around in your head until it makes sense. thank you very much
Non-fiction / Tears
Tonight I stared into the night sky for the first time in a long while. Ever find yourself doing that? Just staring into the eyes of the man on the moon until you can hear him whispering to you through the wind? My eyes glazed back and forth between the brilliance of the moon and the cloud clothed stars. The images and thoughts that erupt during this sort of cozmic daydreaming are staggering.
I can never help but think of all the people I know when I lock eyes with the moon. You always hear of distant lovers telling one another to look at the moon and realize that they are gazing at the same gleaming ball of white. I always imagine all my friends and family standing next to me, just as transfixed as I, mesmerized by the light that the sun so willingly shares with his counterpart. Then I stop and wonder about how many other people are looking into the moon at that moment. All the people that I have ever known, and all the people that I will never know.
I personally think that is the more amazing part of it. Imagine all the people you have known throughout your life, picture the faces and voices from your most distant past to the most recent present, and even into the forseeable future. Think of how small a fraction that is compared to all the people you will never know. Those that you will never even see from across the street. It almost saddens me to think that there are so many people out there that will never know anyone.
And then, almost as though the moon felt my saddness, the pale man began to weep. His tears fell about my head and shoulders, chilling my skin, yet refreshing me. The rain drizzled through the trees and carried slightly on the breeze. I listened as the water hit the ground and dampened the earth around me. At this moment I felt justified that the moon had felt what I was feeling. I was connected to something larger than myself, my doubts and dreams. I was glad that it was raining so no one could see me cry. No one could see my pain of memories past and people lost because the man on the moon had lost much more than his fair share. And I then imagine that there are others standing in the crisp mist of tears weeping for the same reasons as I, and I allow a small grin to creep across my lips. For in that moment I know that I am not alone.
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TinaR2684 reviewed Version 1 -
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That was remarkable and out of this world. It was very touching and so thought provoking. I think if you had written it in any way it would still have the same affect. This is by far one of the most insightful pieces I have read so far on this site.
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lolanation reviewed Version 1 -
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I have a feeling that the nonfiction element was a lack of choices for categories. I wouldn’t publish this as non-fiction. It’s more like prose or a diary entry. The thought pattern is lovely if not surreal. The imagination and ability to realize the smallness of one to the enormity of all is a great talent as a person and writer. Embrace that quality. The second to last sentence says you allow a grin to creep upon your face and I would reconsider using the word creep. emerge, swept, etc. Creep is more like a sneer. Lovely thinking…
ConfusedConundrum13 reviewed Version 1 -
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the moon is almost like god but not…the moon or the old man is a comfort for sending the rain for you to hide the tears. loss is hard to get over. and when you do its easy to help others. so many people look at the moon to help them…its personal and helps people.
JesusFreak reviewed Version 1 -
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well for some thoughts
i like they way its just so deep
thinking deeply and being able to put a picture to it and feel it at the same time is amazing.
its really well thought up
Marvin reviewed Version 1 -
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“cloud clothed stars.”--nice, original description. but maybe consider sticking a “-” in there. up to you.
“The images and thoughts that erupt during this sort of cozmic daydreaming are staggering.”—good, exciting line.
nice ending.
overall-
a nice picture of reverie and emotion. very warm.
criticisms?
hmm…as a non-fiction portrait it’s fine. very minor spelling and structure issues- ie. the dash, and “cozmic” should be cosmic- but other than that, a very simple, enjoyable read.
well done.
Enigma28 reviewed Version 1 -
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This is truly…truly beautful. I will go as far as saying profound.
Just staring…the wind? – This line is my favourite.
I can’t critique this, their were no errors, and how can such a thought be wrong.
Thank you for putting things in perspective…
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