Short Story / Sebastian's Vow of Silence
It all started with this cooky guy at my bus stop a few months ago.
We were the only ones around, and he takes a seat right fucking next to me. At first he looked sort of normal, but I didn't make it a point to study the purple agile socks sticking out of his penny loafers. This was something I noticed as time went on.
He kept asking my name, and asking what was wrong with me. I couldn’t say a god damn thing, because I had been suddenly struck with this sudden dream like state, where I almost doubted if I were really awake. His face was miles away, yet big like the peach in, "James and the Giant Peach."
And, that's axactly what I thought to myself as his vile vapor escaped from his mouth, and into my nostrils.
Suddenly, I had to laugh. I was enjoying his animated expressions. Each time I ignored his questions, his face took on a new level of confusion, and agitation.
It was as though I were watching a movie on the big screen. I could see myself, half shoveled, coy, and laughing under my breath.
It was at this moment I decided to take on my extended vow of silence.It seemed like the thing to do.
Just as my movie began to get boring, my bus was approaching the curb.
When I got home, I looked at my bank account, satisfied....so, I e-mailed my boss that I was quiting, e-mailed my friends, telling them of my preposterous plan. And, i have to tell you....I took great joy in unplugging my phone, but my biggest pleasure was being in public, verbally avoiding strangers when they spoke to me. Sometimes, I'd point to things, and then my throat, but the things I pointed to were at random, making no sense. It was fun to give people a reason to be confused.
So, the experiences were always an opportunity for something absurd, and entertaining. I also spared myself a lot of wasted words during that time. At least until that eighty-eighth day when I came home to find that the new neighbor at my door was not only blind, but very attractive.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
First off, I found this to be very entertaining. I only found a couple of things that could use some tweaking:
”...my bus was just approaching the curb.”
This sentence kind of breaks the flow…seems a bit wordy.
Suggestion:
”...my bus approached the curb.”
“waisted” should be wasted.
“It least” should be At least.
You should have put “Warm a few hearts” as criteria. I’d of given it a ten ;)
Read ya later!
- add/view comments (0)
Hi, I don’t usually comment on short stories as I’ve only written a few but I
read the teaser to this one and wanted to finish it… I liked it… there are a
few spelling errors and one other thing that I saw, in the line … I didn’t say
a god damn thing… maybe it would help the content by saying something like…
of course, I couldn’t say a god damn thing… but found myself unable to even
gesture…etc…etc… maybe I read too much into a write… I just thought it
would help the write… maybe not… in any case… I loved the ending.
themoonman
Showing 1 - 2 of 2
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
| Version 2 |
| Version 1 |