Poetry / You (Analysis)

Hello,

I read your poems a number of times and I will try to be balanced and constructive.
Positive: Your poem is heartfelt and sincere. It could possibly be interpreted as a love poem or a spiritual poem.
Negative: This is a very unoriginal piece, the sentiment is trite and vague. It attempts to describe the power of love (of a person or God) as if the subject has never been approached before.
I really hope this is some kind of Team America-esque joke. If it is, then it is a good one.
Constructive: Re-write the whole poem. Try to find a voice that is unique to you and your life, be specific and careful with each individual word. Be certain of exactly what you wish to say. Read “Ephemera” by W.B Yeats, it’s on the internet. It is a beautiful model for a poem on the transience of human love on earth. Where you suggest that there is an afterlife where love is constant he counters “Before us lies eternity; our souls
Are love, and a continual farewell.”
I hope this review doesn’t upset you, but this poem is a lemon and I would be harming you by not telling you this.

Amen.
Bosco

If you apply to have this review refunded I beg in my defense that the arbitrator is forced to read your poem.

This is a sweet son, It’s full with longing and craaving but it’s a bit naive. It doesn’t mean one can’t write about these issues yet picking the words and sentences at this case are too ‘sweet’. Maybe it’s me, maybe I’m too old for that, too cynic. If I would have wrote it I would ahve mention that you can get hurt loving someone, that no one is perfect. But if you love someone regardless to that. That is love really worth writing about.
Michael

two great lines: :...the wait was worth it,” and, “the fire that warns me.”

You need to write some specicic imagery.

Good star.