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Poetry / Summer Lake
My children dove quick as plastic
white lids blown off bait containers,
swift as bluegills that nipped their legs,
hairless chests soft as suckers bellies.
I preferred swimming pools, clear water,
sloped bottoms, feet and depth marked.
The boys swam, stood still and peed,
gave each other pinches, tugged
at each others’ shorts. Tiptoed up
to their noses and floated effortlessly.
I stood still in a cloud of minnows
that spat sand. Crayfish bit my toes.
The boys waved hysterically, wiped hands
across cold cheeks and dark eyebrows,
screamed, “Muskie.”
Despite their teases and my fears
of sharp finned bullheads and leeches
I dove. That summer I did not want to swim,
but to hoist my children, toss them,
like largemouth bass.
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Willow_Wren reviewed Version 3 -
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This is a lovely reminiscence of a summer’s day by a father with concerns for his two sons yet for all the imagery of the boys activities, their independence as they play, the wistfulness of the father for perhaps bygone days when the boys were young enough to just dive off their dad’s shoulders and be happy doesn’t seem strong enough a reason for not wanting to swim. Not sure why the father prefers chlorinated pools to ponds or lakes. In S1 when the boys dive, the simile white lids blown off bait containers seems odd to me. Diving and being blown away in the wind are such obverse actions and I don’t see the correlation in that one. I might rethink that. The swooping of a seagull to catch a fish or something like that falls is more in keeping with a dive I think. Just a thought. And what does “Muskie” mean? I love what is trying to be developed here, takes me back to my own childhood or remembering my own young children at play at a lake or on the shore. But it’s unresolved as to why the father did not want to swim but in a pool. Nice work, would love to read a revise of this. It does flow well by the way.
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Curtastrophe reviewed Version 3 -
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To me, the theme of this poem is of childhood ignorance. The kids, as portrayed here, jump into the murky lake carefree and giddy. The narrator on the other hand is wary—he prefers the safety and transparent waters of a chlorinated pool.
So what I guess it boils down to is fear of the unknown. Here, the children don’t have it. The adult does. There’s the contrast of the children frolicking and playing vs. the narrator’s fear of aquatic life that bite or pinch.
In the end, the narrator dives into the lake and the kids are pleased.
This poem eschews any sort of self-indulgent tendencies and tells a story. Good work.
-Curt
Brian reviewed Version 1 -
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I grew up on a lake in Northern Wisconsin, so I love the images-reminds me of the summer I saw ‘Jaws’ (I was 6 or 7) and I was afraid to go in the lake for the same reason. My brother and cousins did the same thing your kids did, so I couldn’t help but chuckle. I think your words are well chosen, because even though I don’t have any fear of bluegills or leeches, I can feel yours. The only thing that I question is that closing line. It seems like you have a dislike/fear of fish in the unknown waters, but that you love your children, and at the end you compare your children to a fish. Maybe I’m missing something (like by jumping in the water you’re now embracing your former fears), but it seems to take a different direction from the original tone.
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